


Durin's Sons

by butterflyslinky, Lady_Sci_Fi



Series: Durin's Sons (a rock band au) [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, As The Series Progresses, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Minor Violence, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Character Death, This should be crack, but it ended up being played straight, minor dubcon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-07-29
Packaged: 2018-03-17 23:51:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 75,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3548282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butterflyslinky/pseuds/butterflyslinky, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Sci_Fi/pseuds/Lady_Sci_Fi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Durin's Sons are a fairly successful rock band. Unfortunately, they're also a bunch of trouble-makers and about to go on the biggest tour of their career. In a desperate attempt to control them, one of the record executives hires Bilbo Baggins as their new PR manager, in spite of the protests of their head manager, Thorin Oakenshield.</p><p>Shenanigans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In which a New PR Manager is Hired (In Spite of Thorin's Misgivings)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by an interview on one of the Hobbit convention videos, wherein some of the Hobbit actors recounted the time they almost kidnapped a member of One Direction. Naturally, this led lady_sci_fi and I to a long discussion of how a Dwarf boy band would work, which then turned into a rock band, which then turned into...this. I don't know how often it will update, but I'll try not to make it too long between chapters. Last names of the dwarves either came from family trees or were made up based on their wiki pages.
> 
> For reference, there is a masterpost of the role everyone plays here: http://lady-sci-fi.tumblr.com/post/113360966984/dwarves-boy-band-au (contains fic spolers)

**MIDDLE EARTH RECORDS PRESENTS:**  
**THE RECLAMATION TOUR**  
**DURIN’S SONS**  
**PRINCES OF MIRKWOOD**  
**With Special Guest**  
**GALADRIEL LORIEN**  
**June 1-July 31**  
**THE BIGGEST SUMMER TOUR EVER!**

It was never a good sign when Thorin came into the studio looking that pissed off. Granted, he usually looked pissed off, but this was a level of rage that Fili couldn’t remember seeing since he was a kid.

“Oh, boy,” he muttered, signaling the band to a stop. They all looked up expectantly as their manager strode over, Balin following in his wake.

Thorin came to a stop and glared at them, the hair he hadn’t cut since the late 70s making him look more intimidating than ever. Even without looking, Fili knew that Ori was shrinking back and Kili was suddenly very interested in his guitar strings. Thorin glared for a full minute, making the boys shift uncomfortably.

Finally, Bofur, always the bravest (or the stupidest) of them, spoke up. “If it’s about the vlog we made the other night with the spiders…”

Thorin glared harder and Bofur fell quiet.

Nori spoke next. “If it’s about the bar fight from last week…”

Another glare.

“The rumors about me and Arwen Evenstar?” Kili guessed.

Thorin just looked confused at that one, but he still managed to look intimidating.

“The press conference I went to drunk?” Fili asked.

Thorin growled. “All of the above,” he said, taking several magazines from his briefcase and throwing them at the boys. 

The band scrambled to take a look. All of them seemed to be tabloids and entertainment magazines, detailing the band’s various transgressions.

“You are going on tour in a month!” Thorin snapped. “One month until the big summer tour, where you will be sharing space not only with Princes of Mirkwood, but with Galadriel Lorien, the queen of Middle Earth Music! You are opening the largest tour this label puts on, yet you insist on acting like teenagers looking for attention! We can’t have you getting the tabloids all in a tizzy!”

“Oh, calm down, Uncle,” Fili said. “I mean, at least they’re talking about us, right?”

Thorin glared harder. “This isn’t the type of talking you want,” he said, his voice suddenly, dangerously quiet. “Especially you, Fili. You can’t keep showing up to press conferences with three glasses of whiskey under your belt!”

Fili shrugged. “They get boring if I don’t.”

Thorin opened his mouth to lecture some more, but Balin cut in. “I know you’re not fond of it,” he said. “But you have to deal with them. It’s part of the contract.”

“Come on, Balin,” Kili whined. “You said yourself that keeping us in the papers will help sales.”

“I meant positively,” Balin said. “Do some charity work, start an anti-bullying campaign, that sort of thing. Not being seen leaving bars with B-movie actresses!”

“She had a role in a major motion picture once,” Kili mumbled. “And we just left the bar at the same time, so I offered to wait for her ride with her so she wouldn’t be hassled by the drunken assholes hanging around!”

“You shouldn’t have been in the bar to begin with,” Thorin said. “And that’s not important! What’s important is that people are buying tickets to this concert and you need to keep up your public image! So that means that from now until the tour ends, there is to be no booze, no drugs, no off-color comments to the press, no pranks, and above all, no parties!”

The boys all started protesting at once.

“No booze?” Bofur asked. “How are we going to keep the press entertained?”

“No parties?” Nori whined. “But we’ll get so bored!”

“No pranks?” Ori gasped, for once upset enough to speak to an angry Thorin. “But our fans love those videos!”

“I don’t know how you’re going to control our press,” Kili said. “It’s not like we have scripts or anything!”

“Uncle, you’re being totally unfair!” Fili moaned. “People will forget all about us if we don’t get up to at least one zany scheme in the next three months!”

“I don’t care!” Thorin shouted over all of them. “If people are going to be buying tickets to this concert, they want to be sure you’re good role models!”

“But we’re rock stars!” Fili said. “Rock stars are supposed to party and get in trouble and do wacky things to remind people that they’re normal!”

Thorin’s glare turned icy and Fili shrank back. “You are not going to do that,” he said coolly. “You are not going to do anything that would reflect badly on you, on the group, or especially on me until this tour is over, or so help me, I will lock you up and only let you out for performances and recordings until your contract expires!” With that, Thorin turned on his heel and stomped off.

Balin watched his co-manager go, shaking his head. “You’ll forgive him, lads,” he said gently. “But he really does want you all to succeed and not anger the studio. So I suggest you do as he says and get back to work.”

The boys all groaned miserably, but returned to their rehearsal.

“By the way,” Ori whispered as Fili and Kili retuned their guitars. “Who of us was actually doing drugs?”

The others glanced at each other and shrugged.

*

Thorin walked down the hall of the studio, feeling a bit guilty for being so harsh on the boys, but he pushed that emotion down quickly. It was for the good of the group, after all. If this tour didn’t go well, the album would probably flop, and that would leave them all in a very dire situation financially.

So preoccupied was he that he didn’t notice anyone else in the hall until he walked right into someone, knocking them to the ground.

“Sorry,” Thorin said reflexively, looking down to help up whoever it was. It turned out to be a young man with sandy curls, carrying a briefcase and dressed very nicely.

“Honestly, Thorin,” came another voice and Thorin groaned inwardly upon realizing that it was Gandalf Grey, the vice president of Middle Earth Records. “Can’t you ever watch where you’re going?” Grey reached down and helped the young man to his feet.

“I said sorry,” Throin said, sounding petulant even to himself.

“It’s quite all right,” the young man said. “I wasn’t paying attention either.” He smiled at Thorin.

“Thorin,” Grey said. “This is Bilbo Baggins. I’ve just hired him on as Durin’s Sons new PR manager. Bilbo, this is Thorin Oakenshield, the manager of Durin’s sons.”

Thorin raised his eyebrow. “You didn’t ask me about hiring a new PR manager,” he said pointedly.

“You’re right,” Grey said, smiling. “But given how the members of Durin’s Sons have graced every tabloid this week, I figured it was time to do so.”

“I’ve already dealt with them,” Thorin said. “I assure you it won’t happen again.”

Grey raised his eyebrows. “I somehow doubt that you yelling at them is going to make them speak nicely to reporters,” he said. “Mr. Baggins is the best PR manager in the industry today. I think he can manage them.”

Thorin sighed. “Fine, whatever,” he muttered. “But don’t blame me when he quits!”

Bilbo Baggins was looking a bit alarmed, but Grey just shook his head. “Don’t worry, Bilbo,” he said. “They’re nice boys, really, they’re just reacting to a lot of pressure. I’m sure you can do it.”

Thorin glared at Grey. “I believe that I have control over the band’s publicity,” he said calmly.

“You do,” Grey agreed. “But you need a professional. I’m sure you and Mr. Baggins can work together on it.”

“I promise I won’t do anything without your approval,” Bilbo said hopefully.

“Right,” Thorin said before he suddenly grinned. “Well, why don’t I take you down to meet them? Best to just jump right in, eh?”

Bilbo glanced at Grey, who smiled back. “That sounds like an excellent idea,” Grey said. “In fact, why don’t you call in your entire crew to meet him? That would give him a better idea of the team he’s working on.”

Thorin’s smile slipped. “Most of them are working,” he said. “You know, seeing as we pay them.”

“I think that at least a few of the eighteen people you employ will be available,” Grey said.

Thorin sighed again. “I’ll call in the ones in this building,” he finally said. “But Mr. Baggins will meet the others in due course.” He pulled out his phone and started typing as they turned to go back down to the rehearsal studio.

The boys did not look happy about being interrupted a second time, but Grey ignored their glares. “Everyone, listen up!” he called. “Thorin is calling the rest of the crew, but for now, I want you to meet your new PR manager, Mr. Bilbo Baggins!”

The band looked at Bilbo for a full minute before all five broke into mischievous grins that not even a sharp glare from Thorin could stay.

“Pleased to meet you, Mr. Baggins,” Fili said, his voice dripping with insincere obsequy. “I hope you don’t mind having to hang out with a bunch of kids all the time.”

Bilbo smiled back uncertainly. “I’m sure I can manage,” he said. “Can I know your names before we start? I’m afraid I am rather behind on my music.”

The boys all exchanged a look before Fili continued. “I’m Fili Durin. This is my bother Kili. On bass, we have Nori Scriver and his brother Ori plays drums, and on keyboard is Bofur Mattocks.”

Bilbo nodded. “Pleased to meet you all,” he said, and oh, God, his voice really was sincere. Thorin groaned inwardly. Someone that polite wouldn’t last two days with these boys, even on their best behavior.

Fortunately, Balin quickly spotted trouble brewing and stepped forward. “Mr. Baggins, I’m very glad you’re here,” he said. “Balin Fundin. I co-manage the band with Thorin.”  
“Ah,” Bilbo said, looking confused. “Do they really need two managers?”

Balin chuckled. “Thorin handles the boys,” he explained. “And I mostly just deal with the business side of things—contracts, bookings, that sort of thing. If you need anything at all, you just ask me and I’ll sort you out.” He dropped into a whisper. “Especially if Thorin gives you a hard time. Sometimes, he’s as bad as they are.”

“Thank you,” Bilbo said. 

A few minutes later, the rest of the permanent crew for Durin’s Sons had come into the room and Thorin was introducing them all.

“Our security,” he said, gesturing at three men, two of whom were very large and the imposing and the third of whom just looked fussy. “Dwalin Fundin, Dori Scriver, and Bifur Smith…our accountant, Gloin Farin, our medic, Oin Farin, and our road manager, Bombur Mattocks. These are all the people you will be working with…well, except for the hair and make-up girls, but you don’t really need to worry about them.”

Bilbo smiled and shook all their hands, saying how he was very pleased to meet them and was looking forward to working with them all. Thorin waited politely until everyone was done making introductions before he clapped his hands loudly.

“Right!” he called. “Since you’re all here anyway, we might as well have our pre-tour meeting.”

Everyone shuffled around until they were comfortable and Thorin kept going. “As you all know, the Reclamation Tour starts in one month. It’s going to be a long one, so I hope you’re all prepared for that. It’s also going to be a very large tour, since the three biggest acts on Middle Earth Records are all going to be on it. That means a lot of egos and a lot of crewmen running around. I trust you all…” Here he glared particularly hard at the band. “To make this tour run as smoothly as possible with a minimum of trouble. That means that there are to be no shenanigans on the road! I trust you…” A glare at the security team. “To keep these boys out of trouble from now until the tour ends. That means that I want someone watching them at all times!”

The three security guards nodded and Thorin turned to Bilbo. “And I trust you to keep them from saying one goddamned word that hasn’t been run by me first!”

“Can do,” Bilbo said. “Do you want me to run my stuff by first or am I allowed to improvise?”

“You can improvise,” Thorin said. “You’re the professional, after all.” He then grabbed the magazines from earlier and threw them to Bilbo. “Here’s some background. And here…” He pulled an iPod out of his pocket and tossed that to Bilbo as well. “All our music. Do your homework.”

Bilbo took the magazines and iPod and retreated to a corner of the room to get to work. Balin shook his head. “You don’t have to be so hard on the lad,” he said to Thorin. “He’s just started his job.”

Thorin glared. “That’s me going easy on him,” he muttered before looking back to Grey, who had watched all of this impassively. “Why did you assign a PR manager who doesn’t know the band?”

Grey raised his eyebrows. “Remember the Shire?” he said. “You know, the band that we dropped last year for their shenanigans?”

“Yes?” Thorin said, not really seeing the point.

“They just got picked up by Bree Records,” he said. “And have cleaned up considerably, all thanks to Mr. Baggins. I think he can handle Durin’s Sons.”

Thorin sighed, but conceded the point and walked off to berate someone else.

*

It took Bilbo a grand total of three hours to learn everything he needed to know about Durin’s Sons.

From what he gathered from the tabloids and gossip sites, they really were nice boys—Fili Durin in particular, had tons of pet charities that he funded and arranged benefits for—but they did tend to get into a lot of trouble. Usually, their trouble was minor—a bar fight here, a drunken display there, but nothing that Bilbo couldn’t handle.

That is, he thought he could handle it until he found the band’s Youtube and Vine accounts.

Most of the vlogs were innocent enough, basic updates on how the band was doing, shout-outs to fans who sent particularly lovely letters, previews of upcoming songs and albums, but there were also videos of what went on behind the scenes—more specifically, videos of the boys pulling absolutely spectacular pranks on their crew that usually ended with the band being chased all over the studio until whoever was holding the camera got knocked over.

The fact that most of the commenters seemed to love those videos was irrelevant. It was clearly a poor portrayal of these boys. Even if it was hilarious to see Thorin roaring about how all of them were whippersnappers who needed to grow the fuck up.

Bilbo closed his laptop and took off his headphones to look over at the band. They had spent the whole day rehearsing and he had to admit they sounded pretty good. Not really his type of music, but he could appreciate it. Besides, he didn’t really have room to talk, considering his affinity for hair metal.

Especially since his own music tastes had led him here only somewhat indirectly.

His eyes flickered to where Thorin stood, talking through room reservations with Balin and Bombur. Thirty years and a few streaks of grey hadn’t changed the man one bit. Bilbo wasn’t sure how to broach the subject, but his hand fell on his briefcase, where his favorite record sat, waiting for signatures he wasn’t sure how to ask for.

He took a peek to make sure the boys hadn’t stolen it while he was preoccupied and was relieved to see it still there.

_Erebor_  
_The Lonely Mountain._  
_1985._


	2. In which Bilbo Baggins finds out what little shits the boys are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo begins his PR work for Durin's Sons and immediately regrets his employment.

**YouTube: Durin’s Sons**   
**Introducing Our New PR Man!**

_Fili’s grin is infectious, as usual. “Hey, all you fans out there!” Another smile that melts hearts from coast to coast. “So as you all know, we’re going on tour next month! Make sure to pester your parents for tickets, especially the ones in the front row that cost about ten times as much as the ones in the back. After all, can’t see Kili’s dreamy eyes from up in the nosebleed section!”_

_“Thanks, bro!” Kili calls from behind the camera._

_“Anyway,” Fili continues. “Seeing as we want to sell you sh—stuff, our darling Uncle Thorin has decreed that we have to behave ourselves until the tour’s over and has very kindly added a new member to our staff!” He starts walking backwards back into the studio, where Bilbo Baggins is still seated in the corner on his laptop. “Durin’s Fans, meet our new PR man, Mr. Bilbo Baggins! Say hi, Bilbo!”_

_Bilbo looks up and gives a nice, polite smile. “Hello,” he says cheerfully. “Very nice to talk to all of you and I hope that I live up to my task.”_

_The Durin boys laugh and Fili turns back to the camera. “There you have it,” he says. “Ladies, get used to him, cause you’re gonna see a lot of him.”_

_“But don’t worry!” Kili calls, turning the camera back to Bilbo. “He’s cute, if old!”_

_Bilbo rolls his eyes, but still smiles. “Old and in charge of what you say!” he calls merrily as the boys run off to annoy someone else._

*

“Hotels?”

“Booked.”

“Food?”

“Orders put in.”

“Venues?”

“All prepared.”

“Ticket pre-orders?”

“Sold out in Richmond, Orlando, Des Moines, and Omaha, sales high in all other cities.”

“Buses?”

“All booked.”

“Boys under control?”

“They’re with Mr. Baggins and security.”

Thorin finally looked up from his clipboard. “Good. Make sure they stay that way.”

Balin sighed. “Thorin, the tour doesn’t start for another three weeks. You’re being awfully fussy.”

“The tour doesn’t start for three weeks. We’ve got a benefit next week and a recording session the week after that, plus the pre-tour press conference with the entire line-up right after that! I want everything dealt with before all that so I don’t have to worry anymore!”

“You’ll worry no matter how smoothly this goes,” Bombur pointed out. “Relax. I’ve got everything under control.”

“Right.” Thorin set down his checklist. “In that case, I’m going to meet with wardrobe to narrow down outfits for the photo shoot on Wednesday.” He turned and stomped out of the room.

*

_Awww, no shenanigans? :( Don’t worry, boys, we still love you!_

_Uncle Thorin is mean for makeing u guys stay in!_

_mr baggins is so cute omg! new fave!_

_Ugh. prolly gonna be boring now w/that guy writing theyre stuff_

Ori grinned. “One hour and you already have a million views,” he said to Bilbo. “That’s encouraging!”

“You have three million subscribers,” Bilbo said drily. “And I’m noticing an equal number of down votes as up votes.”

“They’ll warm up to you,” Bofur said encouragingly. “Once they see you in action.”

Bilbo glanced at Bifur, who was assigned to security (or baby-sitting) at the moment. The security guard said nothing, merely looked at Bilbo in amusement. Bilbo’s eyes flickered to the large scar on the left side of Bifur’s temple.

“So…” he said, hoping that knowing the support staff would help him with the job. “Um…how did you get roped into this outfit?”

“He’s my cousin,” Bofur explained. “And he doesn’t talk.”

“Oh.” Bilbo looked back to Bofur. “Born that way?”

“No,” Bofur said. “And…well, he can make noise, but he can’t form words.”

Ori looked down, shaking his head. “Shame, that,” he said quietly. “He told the best stories when we were kids.”

“You grew up together?” Bilbo asked in interest.

“We all did,” Ori said. “Most of us are related…distantly, but our families are still close.”

“Not us, though,” Bofur said. “Me and Bombur and Bifur just grew up in the neighborhood. And Dis…Dis Durin, Fili and Kili’s mam…she couldn’t see a kid playing outside without inviting him in for cookies and she just sort of adopted us.” He smiled wistfully. “We’ll probably see her when we get to St. Paul. She never misses a show when we’re in the area.”

Bilbo smiled back before returning to the earlier subject. “So Bifur…”

“Oh, that’s a story for you!” Bofur said. “Mind if I tell him, Bif?”

Bifur shrugged, smirking a bit, and Bofur went on. “So way back when we were just a garage band playing in whatever bars would book us, we ended up in this dive down in Miami…Thorin’s fault, he misread the contract and by the time he’d researched the place, it was too late to back out. So we’re playing our older stuff…the stuff off Erid Luin, our first album? And apparently ‘Beware the Wolves’ is a number that really gets blood boiling, cause one moment we’re playing as usual, and the next an all-out brawl had broken out! And there’s this one guy at the front table who pulls out a huge-ass axe and jumps the stage! Luckily, Bifur jumped up and blocked the guy, but he took the blow to his head. Lot of blood…I had to completely replace my keyboard…and he had a major concussion that he’s never recovered from. Knocked out his language center and left him unable to talk…but he’s recovering. He can sign, and he’s remembered a bit of Gaelic, and he still has the best reflexes on the team. The doctors said that any harder and it would have killed him.” Bofur smiled softly at his cousin. “Lucky thing, too. That axe was aimed at my neck.”

Bilbo stared, open-mouthed, for a good minute before he managed to speak. “Who brings an axe to a bar?”

Ori shrugged. “Florida, man,” he said. “Lot of weird things happen there.”

Bilbo nodded and got up. “I have to go talk to Mr. Grey,” he said.

As he left the room, Bilbo glanced back to see Bifur smiling back at his cousin and placing a hand on his shoulder, as though to reassure him.

*

Gandalf was not surprised at all when, less than twenty-four hours after being hired, Bilbo Baggins was stomping into his office.

“I quit,” Bilbo said before Gandalf had even opened his mouth.

“Really?” Gandalf asked calmly. “But you’ve only been at it for a day!”

“An axe, Gandalf,” Bilbo said. “One of them was attacked with an axe. I know they have security, but I don’t think a PR manager is going to be high on the list of people to save. I can’t work in a situation where someone’s going to attack me with giant weapons!”

“The incident with the axe was five years ago,” Gandalf assured him. “Before they were even signed to the label and were having to rely on whatever work they could get. I assure you that Dwalin, Bifur, and Dori are the best security team that Middle Earth Records has, and that none of the boys will be anywhere where anyone could bring an axe…and even if they did, Oin is the best doctor we could hire for them. You’ll be perfectly safe.”

“I did want to ask about that,” Bilbo said. “What does this band do that requires them to have their own personal medic?”

“Well, there’s the usual. Cold, flu, other minor illnesses that get passed around on the road,” Gandalf said airily. “Also, young Kili does have a rather unfortunate habit of spontaneous stage-diving and he has injured himself in the past, so we figured it was a good idea to have someone on hand to check him over right away.”

“And what is with the fans on their YouTube channel?” Bilbo asked. “They make one vlog introducing me to their fans and suddenly I’m the bad guy?”

“Oh, you’re not the bad guy,” Gandalf said. “Thorin is. It’s well-known that he likes to have meticulous control over everything the band does. They mostly seem to see this as more evidence of Thorin being a control freak.”

“So what am I supposed to do?” Bilbo asked. “If the fans don’t want me here…”

“They’ll warm up to you. Everyone knows the boys are young and need guidance, and you know full well that Thorin Oakenshield is not the person you go to for PR.”

“Right,” Bilbo said. “So I’m just supposed to grin and bear it?”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Gandalf said. “After all, since you are in charge of publicity, you can overrule Thorin on occasion. If you’re seen butting heads with him, the fans will take your side immediately.”

Bilbo sighed. “But I don’t want to fight with Thorin,” he said. “I mean…” He blushed. “I do still admire him.”

“Admire or not, you are in charge of this,” Gandalf said. “And you can win back public approval for the band. Help them. Keep them who they are without angering Thorin. You’re the best PR manager I’ve ever seen. I’m sure you can do it.”

“Right,” Bilbo muttered. “Right.”

*

_I want a new prank vid!_

_When you gonna get Thorin back?_

_Can’t wait for inevitable pranks on Bilbo!_

_More pranks! Kili looks cute when being chased!_

_Baggins gonna get it soon, just know it!_

Bilbo sighed. There was only one thing for it. Clearly, the people wanted him to be humiliated on camera, and he knew that the key to good PR was giving the people at least some of what they wanted.

It was with a twinge of regret that he went to meet the boys the next day. They were busy going through wardrobe samples for a photo shoot the next week, but they all stopped immediately when Bilbo walked in.

“Okay, boys,” he said. “I’ve been looking over the YouTube comments from yesterday’s vlog and they all want a prank video.” He sighed as five pairs of absolutely pathetic puppy dog eyes instantly turned on him. “I will allow you to do your prank videos, since everyone likes them so much. Heck, you can even pull one on me since they want that. However, after whichever one you choose to pull on me, anything after that has to be run by me first to make sure that no one will get the wrong idea. That fair?”

“Yes, Mr. Baggins!” they all chorused instantly.

“Good,” Bilbo said. “I’ll give you forty-eight hours to pull your last spectacular prank before I take over the YouTube channel…at least, for the next few months.”

“Deal.” Fili and Kili immediately put their heads together and started whispering excitedly.

Thorin, standing nearby, glowered at Bilbo, who merely smiled pleasantly back before heading out again.

He knew he was going to regret this.

*

_“Hello, dear Durin’s Fans!” Kili says, giving his most smoldering smile to the camera in Ori’s hand. “So our dear darling PR man decided to give us our video privileges back for one day…”_

_“Because he’s a bleeding idiot,” Bofur adds, with a very wicked smile._

_“So we decided to welcome him to our merry band of miscreants!” Kili finishes with a dramatic gesture at the metal door. Nori is currently crouched down, picking at the lock. “This is the office of Mr. Bilbo Baggins, PR manager!”_

_“Now don’t you worry one bit,” Fili adds from Kili’s other side. “We won’t do much harm…much.”_

_“Just give him a bit of a shock,” Bofur says. “Disorient him a little. Let him know that he shouldn’t give us free reign with anything!”_

_“Got it!” Nori calls as the office door swings open._

_The boys creep inside. Ori takes a sweeping shot of the very orderly, but very comfortable office._

_“Exactly what you’d expect from our Mr. Baggins,” Fili comments. “Nice, neat, compact.”_

_“Cute, really,” Kili says with a grin. “Just like him.”_

_“Bandom girls, send your fanfics here!” Nori says._

_“Anyway,” Fili says, looking at the camera. “We have the supplies we need…” Bofur holds up several boxes of Saran wrap and tin foil. “So let’s begin!”_

_It takes over an hour for them to wrap every item in the office in both the plastic and the tin foil. Ori plans to edit it down later, but for now, he makes sure to catch as much as possible._

_“Oh my god!” Kili shrieks as he goes to a bookshelf to get to work on each and every item there. “Fi, take a look at the records!”_

_Fili goes over to help and starts laughing. He grabs one and holds it up. “Ladies and gentlemen, let it be known that Bilbo Baggins is, in fact, and Erebabe!” He grins, making sure that Ori focuses in on the cover to Arkenstone._

_“Seems we’ve been preempted, Fi,” Kili sighs. “Mr. Baggins surely only has eyes for dear Uncle Thorin.”_

_“Nah,” Fili says. “He’s probably more interested in Dwalin.”_

_They wrap the records up and replace them on the shelf._

*

“No,” Thorin growls. “You are going to edit that bit out.”

“But Uncle!” Fili whined. “It’s funny!”

“It’s not funny,” Thorin said, his voice dangerously quiet. “I do not want this band associated with Erebor any more than it has to be! Even if it’s just the PR manager having a frankly bizarre record collection! Take it out!”

Ori sighed and deleted the scene showing off the full Erebor discography as it was being wrapped. Fili and Kili pouted, but didn’t object further.

The shots of Bilbo coming back into the office and then swearing up a storm were still there, though, even with lots of censoring, as were the scenes of Bilbo stomping out to give the boys an earful. Even if the amused twinkle in his eye gave away that it was partly acting, Bilbo did seem seriously miffed when he chased the boys down the hall.

Fili’s cry of “That’s what Mr. Baggins hates!” as he dashed past the camera was probably the best part. Ori surreptitiously wrote that down in the band’s WIP notebook to be used later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, if you want, lady_sci_fi has done some concept art of the band [here.](http://lady-sci-fi.tumblr.com/post/113765204174/face-sketch-designs-for-the-band-members-of)


	3. In which Bilbo deals with his first press conference

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo learns a few things about his band and the people they'll be travelling with

**REVIEW: Durin’s Sons, “Stone in the Sunlight”**

**Aragorn Arathorn, Rivendell Press**

**Well, dear readers, I’ve gotten them. The advance copies of the latest albums from Middle Earth Records.**

**First out of the bag is Durin’s Sons’ new album, “Stone in the Sunlight.” And let me tell you, it’s one of the best albums this band has put out.**

**That’s not to say it’s the absolute best—I don’t think the raw energy and genius of “Erid Luin” could ever be recreated—but it’s still a solid entry into what I’m sure will be a very long career.**

**The first thing I noticed about this album was how tight it was. Unlike the “Erid Luin” days, when the music was pure, unbridled noise (in a good way), “Stone in the Sunlight” shows that these boys have really worked to sound better as a cohesive unit. Doesn’t hurt that they finally have a drummer who is, you know, a drummer and not a keyboardist pretending. (Not to knock his skills—Bofur Mattocks is one of the best keyboardists working on the indy scene!)**

**Favorite tracks off the album include “The Road Goes Ever On and On”; “How Many Ponies Are There?”; “The Mountains Begin to Move”; and “Tinkering,” which comes off as album filler at first, but once they get going, it’s a wonderful throwback to their days as a garage band.**

**All members of the band have a hand in the writing and leading, and I was pleasantly surprised by drummer Ori Scriver’s first song, “Our Grand and Epic Adventure,” a title that seems poorly suited to the fair voice of the younger Scriver until you hear it. I won’t lie—the sincerity in his singing nearly brought me to tears, and I hope that his song writing will be allowed to flourish as the band progresses.**

**The biggest problem with this album is that there are clear marks of studio interference all over it. Where the old Durin’s Sons wouldn’t care about censoring their lyrics, this album has clearly been put through the “we have to play it on the radio” test and suffers for it. There’s a tightness to the music, but there’s also tension, through whether it’s with each other or with management is best left to the gossip section.**

**4/5**

*

At the sound of the front door to the house opening and closing, Gimli tossed aside his history book and hurried down the stairs from his room. It wasn’t like he had been getting much studying done with it anyway, with the phone call he’d gotten an hour earlier. 

He waited until his father and uncle had kicked off their shoes and gone to the living room to relax on the couches before telling them what had happened, bouncing on his toes in excitement. Oin, who had just finished a shift with a hospital emergency room, where he worked when not travelling with Durin’s Sons, picked up the Sudoku puzzle book and pencil on the coffee table. 

“Dad, dad! Something really awesome happened. Thorin offered me a summer job!”

“He what?” Gloin straightened. 

“Yeah, he wants me to be a stage hand for Durin’s Sons on the big tour!” 

Gloin ran a hand over his face and mumbled, “Why didn’t he bring it up with me first?” He looked back to his son. “Did you call your mother and ask her?”

“Yeah… she says she doesn’t mind, but it’s really up to you since you work for them.” 

“No.”

“What? No? But, Dad-"

“Don’t ‘but, dad’ me. You’ve applied to other places for summer jobs like I told you to, right?”

“Of course I did, but a stage hand for a big rock band? That completely beats out anything else I applied for.” 

“What about that clothing store you worked at last summer? They want you back?” 

Gimli folded his arms. “Yes… but come on! I hated working there. I don’t ever want to work retail again.”

“You should have normal summer jobs. Stage hand for a rock band tour is not a normal summer job.”

“I did the normal job last year. Dad, please? Thorin called me, he thinks I’m good for it.”

“You are seventeen. You’re not joining the tour.”

“Ori got to join the band when he was sixteen!” Gimli huffed. 

“Something that I was surprised Dori allowed, especially considering the axe incident from a couple years before.”

Oin didn’t look up from his puzzle as he remarked, “You’ll remember that Dori joined the security team when Ori joined the band.” 

Gloin rolled his eyes. “Not the point. Anyway, my answer is still no.”

“Why?” Gimli asked in a drawn-out whine. 

“You’re too young for this.” 

Gimli plopped down onto the couch next to Oin. He pouted quietly for a few minutes, watching his father go to the kitchen to heat up leftovers. “Uncle, he’s being completely unfair. I don’t want to go back to St. Paul for the summer and work at some stupid clothing store.” He looked at the Sudoku book as Oin filled in a few more numbers. “It’s not fair. It’s not like I’ll be alone. You and dad are going. I know the band and the rest of the main crew.”

Oin sighed and raised his voice to be heard in the kitchen. “Just let the lad come. You know you’ll never hear the end of it if you don’t.” 

“Which of us is the parent here?” Gloin replied. 

Oin rolled his eyes. “You know how much the boys like it when he visits the studio. They’ll love him coming along.”

Gloin rejoined the two with a plate of dinner. “That’s part of my concern.” 

“Please? I won’t get into trouble. I’m not just coming along to hang out with them. I’ll be there to work, and I won’t let Thorin down. He’s asked me personally.”

“And he and I are going to have a chat about not asking me first.”

“It’s not because I’m too young and you know it.”

“Middle Earth Records does pay more than that clothing store in St. Paul,” Oin remarked, his attention once again on his puzzle. 

“You’re not helping.” 

Oin glanced up with a teasing grin. “I wasn’t aware that was my job.”

Gimli could see his father starting to give in, and knew to be quiet until he made a decision. 

“We’ll make a deal,” Gloin said after taking a few bites of food. “You do well on your final exams next week, and I’ll say yes.” 

“Really? You mean it?” 

“I just said so, didn’t I? Study hard, do well, and you can come.” 

Gimli leapt up to his feet. “I’ll get back to studying right now!” He ran halfway to the stairs, then turned back and practically tackled his father into a hug. “Thank you! I’ll do well, I promise!” He didn't spare his uncle the same type of hug. 

Both men watched the teen run up the stairs. Oin adjusted his glasses. “Haven’t been hugged like that in a while.”

“I hope I haven’t made a mistake,” Gloin said.

“He’s seventeen, not seven. He’ll be with family and friends. There’s nothing to worry about.” Oin added, “And if you were truly concerned about the Durin boys corrupting him, you wouldn’t let him visit the studio.” 

“I suppose…”

“Don’t you have a call to make to Thorin?” Oin laughed at the responding glare from his brother. 

*

“Okay, boys!” Bilbo bustled into the studio, completely stopping whatever argument was happening. “The reviews of the pre-released album have come out and you are doing splendidly!” He beamed, producing the copy of Rivendell that had run a full centerpiece on Durin’s Sons that month. “Four of five in _Rivendell_ , four of five in _Blue Mountain_ , five of five in _Iron Hill_.”

“Brilliant!” Fili immediately put down his guitar and scampered over to read the review. “Hey, he even liked ‘Tinkering!’”

“Told you!” Bofur said, coming over to look as well. “Of course, Arathorn always has great taste.”

“You only say that cause the man has a giant crush on you,” Kili teased.

Bofur laughed. “Well, of course,” he said. “I mean, who doesn’t?”

“I don’t,” Ori muttered, but no one listened to him.

Thorin came over and took the magazine. “Hmm,” he grunted noncommittally. “Yes. Very good, boys. And the spread is nice as well…good promotion. Let’s just hope that _Fangorn_ doesn’t do too many similar things.”

“If they do, that’s their problem,” Bilbo said. “Besides, by the time that issue hits, everyone will have forgotten this one.”

“Right,” Thorin muttered. “Well, while you’re here, I did want to talk to you about the press conference on Thursday.”

“How scripted do you want it?” Bilbo asked, already pulling out his SmartPhone and starting to tap away.

“Well, it can’t be entirely scripted,” Thorin said grudgingly. “But there ought to be guidelines.”

“No swearing, no innuendos, no stories that cannot be verified by at least one member of the crew and certainly none that involve excessive violence,” Bilbo ticked off. “Anything else?”

“No references to current relationships,” Thorin added. “No flirting with each other, even as a joke, and definitely no flirting with Galadriel or the Princes of Mirkwood. No politics, no religion, nothing controversial in any way for this one. Save it for after the tour.”

The boys all sighed, looking like they were about to start whining, so Bilbo stepped in. “Let’s focus on the music for this one,” he said. “We’re going to promote an album, so let’s talk about that. All of you, I want to know your favorite tracks and what inspired them. Talk about how you met, how you work as a band, how excited you are about this tour and how honored you are to be working with Ms. Lorien and the Princes of Mirkwood.”

“Well…Ms. Lorien, anyway,” Thorin mumbled.

Bilbo frowned at him, but continued. “And it should be easy. Banter a bit with them, but not too much…you’ve all met before, yes?”

“Not really,” Nori said. “Seen Legolas Greenleaf in passing around the studio, but never _met_ them, met them.”

“I listened to _Spider’s Web_ once,” Kili said. “Just to check out the competition. They’re okay, though they should let Tauriel sing more.”

“Way too much focus on Legolas,” Fili agreed. “I mean, yeah, it used to just be him and his solo stuff is okay, but his voice isn’t very good. Brilliant on the bass, but not a good singer.”

“Helps when your daddy’s the manager,” Thorin said. “And never knows when to stop living vicariously through his offspring.”

There was a beat where everyone just looked at Thorin before Ori finally said, “Galadriel is brilliant, though.”

“Oh, yeah,” Bofur said, attempting to be casual. “Her music is gorgeous. Arathorn may say that I’m a great keyboardist, but I can’t do half what she can.”

“ _Three Rings_ is my favorite album ever,” Fili said. “Have you heard ‘Few Remember,’ Mr. Baggins? I burst into tears the first time that came on the radio.”

“She’s gorgeous as well,” Kili added. “I think I still have my posters of her from high school someplace.”

“Whole reason I got into music,” Nori said. “I wanted to meet her one day and let her know how much she changed my life.”

Bilbo looked to Thorin. “Can the boys at least tell Ms. Lorien how much they admire her?” he asked. “The press just eats that stuff right up.”

Thorin chuckled. “If they can string two words together when she’s around,” he agreed.

*

**Review: Princes of Mirkwood, “King’s Sword”**

**Aragorn Arathorn, Rivendell Press**

**Don’t think that Middle Earth Records is just giving out advance copies of one album! Also in the lineup, we’ve got “King’s Sword” by Princes of Mirkwood and let me tell you, it’s pretty good, too.**

**There are definite improvements in “King’s Sword” that the band has needed for a while. First and foremost, they have a new drummer, Lindir Rivers, who really brings the entire sound together. The studio drummers on past albums have worked fine, but they’ve all been a bit too detached from the music. Rivers’ drumming has a passion that resonates through the entire work.**

**However, the usual issue with the band cannot be ignored, and that is the uneven focus. I mentioned this in my review of “Spider’s Web,” but the band cannot continue to just focus on the star power of Legolas Greenleaf. Those days are gone, and if manager Thranduil Greenleaf wants his son to have a solo career again, make it a solo career rather than trample on someone else.**

**That someone else of course being Tauriel Sylvan, who is once again the saving grace of the band’s music. Her guitar playing is unmatched by anyone working today and her voice is hauntingly beautiful—when she’s allowed to use it. There’s a reason my favorite track on this album is “Silver Wildling Girl,” which is sung and written entirely by her. (Unfortunately, it is not being released as a single.)**

**Other good tracks include the magnificent duet “Even Cupid’s Arrow Will Kill You”; main single “Uber-Elf,” which makes the best use of Greenleaf’s limited vocal range; and the instrumental track “Old Forest,” which is a great showcase for Sylvan’s guitar playing and Rivers’ drumming.**

**Overall, this album really shows a great band straining to become a unit while being crushed under its front man’s ego.**

**3/5**

*

Bofur let out a short laugh as Nori pushed him down flat on his back on a couch in the Durin’s Sons lounge room. The other man then pounced on top of him, straddling his waist and leaning down, their lips crashing together. 

“You beautiful Irish bastard…” Nori breathed, pushing up Bofur’s t-shirt to run his hands up his sides. 

“Keep talking like that, you gorgeous English bugger.” 

Nori kissed Bofur hard again, then straightened back up. He grabbed the bottom of his tank top and pulled it over his head in one smooth motion. He let it fall to the floor. Bofur took a second to grin at the exposed lean muscle, licking his bottom lip. Bofur’s fingers had barely finished undoing the fly on Nori’s jeans when the other man was on him again. 

Bofur managed to get his hands out from between their bodies, one arm wrapping around Nori’s back and the other hand going up into Nori’s short hair. 

Nori growled, and moved his mouth down from Bofur’s, going to the side of his neck. Bofur’s eyelids fluttered and his fingers tightened in the other’s hair. “Nori…” 

Nori moved one leg to settle between Bofur’s, letting him lay fully on top of him. One of his hands pushed the bottom of Bofur’s shirt up to his neck, allowing their warming skin to touch as they went in for another fiery kiss. 

The two men didn’t hear the sound of the door opening, but they clearly heard it close, and a squeak. Bofur grunted as Nori kneed accidently kneed him in the crotch in his hurry push himself up and have some separation between them. They both froze at the sight of who was standing there, Nori half-hovering over Bofur. 

Bilbo had frozen as well, staring at them with a mix of shock and confusion. 

Nori looked down to Bofur and whispered, “I thought you locked the door.”

“I thought you did,” Bofur responded. 

They both turned their heads back to Bilbo, and after a few seconds of silence, Bofur pushed Nori away to sit up. Bofur pulled down his shirt and grabbed his hat from the coffee table. Nori buttoned his pants and picked up his shirt and pulled it on. Bilbo still hadn’t moved. 

“Did nobody tell you?” Bofur realized. “I would’ve thought someone did by now.”

“Yeah, I expected Balin to have, at least.” Nori added. 

“No?” Bilbo finally spoke. “I had no idea.” 

Bofur pulled Nori close to him to leave an empty space on the couch. “Well, since you know, now’s your chance to ask us any questions.” 

Bilbo glanced from the two men, to the empty spot, then back to them. “You sure? I mean, I wouldn’t want to intrude on anything personal…”

“You’re the PR manager. It is your job, right?” Nori encouraged, leaning back against Bofur. 

“Right…” Bilbo stepped forward, hesitantly at first, to the couch and sat. 

“I think everyone’s so used to keeping it secret they simply forgot to tell you,” Bofur suggested.

“Everyone? How many know?” 

“Let’s see…” Nori raised his hand to count on his fingers. “Of course the rest of the band. Thorin, Balin… all our main support crew, actually.” 

“Pretty sure Gandalf does, even though no one’s told him,” Bofur chuckled. 

Nori turned his head. “Did he say something to you?” 

“A nod and a wink, more like.” 

“So, if everyone knows, why the secrecy?”

Bofur and Nori looked to each other before starting at the same time, “Thorin doesn’t-“

“Don’t tell me Thorin doesn’t approve.”

“No, no, it’s not like that,” Bofur quickly replied. 

“It’s… you know how Thorin is about how people think of us, our public image?” Nori took a few seconds to think through his wording. “A gay relationship within the band wouldn’t exactly go over well with certain kinds of parents.” 

Bilbo nodded in understanding, but added, “That still doesn’t make it right.”

“Well… no… but Nori and I do agree. It wouldn’t just be the two of us on the parental chopping block. It wouldn’t be just us getting comments. We don’t want the other lads getting hurt over us.”

“So, we’re careful in public.”

Bofur let out a small laugh. “Though that doesn’t stop bandom girls from writing about us…”

Nori chuckled before saying to Bilbo, “There you are, that’s the situation.” 

At the concern still on the PR manager’s face and Bofur assured, “Really, Bilbo, we don’t mind all that much.” 

“Not something I would ask you to bring up with Thorin,” Nori said.

“Alright, then.” Bilbo looked at them for a short moment. “If you don’t mind me asking, how long?” 

Bofur blew out a breath in thought. “Got to be… five years, almost?” 

“Almost, yeah,” Nori nodded. 

“Few months after Bifur’s injury,” Bofur clarified for Bilbo. 

“Congratulations, you are two are… cute.” 

“Cute?” Nori protested light-heartedly. “The bad boy of the group is not supposed to be cute.”

Bofur teasingly tugged on Nori’s short pointed beard. “You’re cute to me. Along with many other adjectives I won’t say in front of present company.”

Bilbo glanced at his watch. “I came in here for coffee, so… I’ll get that and get back to work.” He got up and went over to make a fresh pot of coffee. 

Bofur took out his phone to text Fili and ask if they had brought back lunch yet. Nori took his chin turned his face to him. “Next time, make sure to lock the door,” he grinned.

Bofur went in for a quick kiss. “Aye… You too.” 

*

Bilbo couldn’t remember ever seeing a more tense press room. The moment Princes of Mirkwood came in, he could sense the boys all tightening and Thorin looked more stern than ever, his jaw tightening as he looked at the other band.

Thranduil Greenleaf took his place at the sidelines with Thorin, both refusing to look at the other. “Oakenshield,” Thranduil said stiffly.

“Greenleaf,” Thorin said in an equally cold tone.

Bilbo glanced at Fili and Kili, who both rolled their eyes. “Bitter ex-friends,” Fili muttered.

“I know,” Bilbo whispered back. “I mean…you probably noticed my records…”

“Yes,” Fili and Kili said together, grinning. 

“I also noticed you’d drawn little hearts around ‘Crowns of Friendship, Diamonds of Trust,’” Kili added.

“That was my mom,” Bilbo mumbled, blushing. “She had a crush on both of them. I was just a kid when that record hit.”

“Uhhuh,” the boys said, looking more and more amused by the second.

“You’re lucky Uncle made us cut out us showing them off in the vlog,” Fili said.

“Anyway,” Bilbo said, glancing back at the managers, who were now studiously ignoring each other. “I take it they haven’t reconciled, even being back on the same label?”

“They do their best to avoid each other,” Kili said.

“Remember how we said we’ve never met Princes of Mirkwood?” Fili asked. “Well, that’s why. Our handlers have made sure we stay far apart…Thorin doesn’t want us associated with them any more than necessary.”

“So no real rivalry or anything?” Bilbo asked.

“Nah,” Kili said. “At least, not on our side. Heck, I even jam out to ‘They’re Taking the Children’ whenever Thorin isn’t listening.” He glanced to the other side of the table. “And I admit Tauriel is kind of cute.”

Fili rolled his eyes and whispered to Bilbo, “He’s been in love with her ever since the promo posters for _Spider’s Web_ were put up in the studio.”

“How can he be in love when you’ve never met her?” Bilbo whispered back.

“Look at her,” Fili said.

Bilbo looked over and spotted Tauriel Sylvan. She was tall, taller than any of Durin’s Sons, with red-brown hair and a very sharp face. “She’s pretty,” he agreed in an undertone.

“And talented,” Fili added. “Did you see the review of their new album in _Rivendell_?”

“Didn’t read it,” Bilbo said. “Not my problem.”

“Well, everyone agrees she’s the talented one,” Fili explained. “But Thranduil keeps pushing Legolas as the front man.”

Bilbo looked over at Legolas as well. He was smaller than Thranduil, and his face was considerably softer, but he was still very clearly a Greenleaf. “Well,” Bilbo said with a smirk. “He’s cute, too.”

Fili and Kili both laughed, but stopped abruptly as the door opened and Galadriel Lorien entered the room.

Bilbo wasn’t sure why, but the entire room fell silent as she walked in. Not that Bilbo blamed them—she was the most breathtakingly gorgeous woman he had ever seen. She was at least as tall as Tauriel, but carried herself higher, as though she were the queen of everything. She wore pure white and even seemed to glow as she moved toward the front of the room, smiling and waving at all the reporters as they started snapping pictures. Bilbo glanced at his charges and was shocked to find them completely still and silent for once—except for Ori, who seemed to be hyperventilating.

Thorin and Thranduil both stood up and even seemed to bow to her as she went to the front table and took her place at the spot on Bilbo’s left—as the only actual press agent, he had been put in charge of running the conference for all three groups. She smiled at him. “Mr. Baggins?” she asked politely.

“Yes,” he said, offering his hand to shake.

She took it gracefully. “Galadriel Lorien,” she said. “Thank you so much for doing this.”

“Don’t thank me,” Bilbo said. “Gandalf arranged it. I’m just here to oversee it since he has so much to do.”

She laughed. “Well, thank you for overseeing,” she said. She looked around him to where Durin’s Sons all sat, looking absolutely in awe of her. “And these are Thorin’s boys?” She smiled at them and Ori squeaked. “I must say, I loved your last album— _Homebound_? Beautiful work...and I hope you don’t mind, I took a sneak peek at _Stone in the Sunlight_. Very promising.”

“Thank you,” Bilbo said after a pause during which the boys could only making inarticulate noises of embarrassment and pride. “We were discussing how much we all enjoyed _Three Rings_ earlier.”

She laughed again. “I appreciate it, boys,” she said, before turning to speak to the Princes of Mirkwood. Bilbo waited for the boys to catch their breaths and for the general hubbub to die down before he stood up again.

“Good afternoon!” Bilbo called and the chatter died off. “Thank you all for coming. My name is Bilbo Baggins, Public Relations Manager for Middle Earth Records, and I’ll be moderating this conference. I think we’re ready for our first question…”

The reporters all immediately started shouting, thrusting microphones and cameras forward. Bilbo pointed to one at random and the others quieted.

*

“Well, I don’t think we did too badly,” Bilbo said two hours later when they were back in the band’s lounge.

Thorin gave him a brief glare before turning on the boys. “What the fuck was that?”

“What?” Fili asked with a grin. “We followed all your rules.”

“What did I say about flirting?”

“You didn’t include reporters on that list,” Kili said. “And Galadriel was flirting with us!”

“At which point, all of you stopped talking entirely for a good five minutes!”

“That’s why we have Bilbo,” Bofur said. “He smoothed the whole thing over.”

“That part, maybe,” Thorin said. “That’s not even discussing what happened next!”

“Which bit?” Nori asked innocently. “The part where Kili said that Tauriel is better than Legolas on _Spider’s Web_? Cause that’s true.”

“Or the part where Nori said that it’s nice to see another brunette in the group?” Ori asked. “I mean, you can’t really call that flirting…”

“Or was it the part where we referenced Bilbo’s record collection?” Fili asked. “I mean, if a man loves _Arkenstone_ so much, he should own it!”

Thorin’s glare would have sent an entire wolf pack running to the hills. As it was, Bilbo was just waiting for the floor to open up and swallow him.

“Right,” Thorin said. “From now on, Mr. Baggins, I want you to script these interviews. Talk to the host and get the questions ahead of time. I will not have my nephews and my band making fools of themselves throughout the entire tour!”

Bilbo looked like he might object, but then he nodded. “Yes, sir,” he said, pulling out his phone and making a note.

He did not look at Thorin again.

*

**Review: Galadriel Lorien, “The Golden Trees”**

**Aragorn Arathorn, Rivendell Press**

**Finally, from Middle Earth Records, we’ve got Galadriel Lorien’s “The Golden Trees,” easily the best album she has ever put out. Where some artists get stale with time, Ms. Lorien only gets better and better with each successive album.**

**Her voice and piano-playing are top-notch, as usual, and this is the best songwriting she has done in years. “Few Remember” may be her signature song, but I can see one of the masterpieces on this album replacing it very soon. The orchestrations are perfectly placed and controlled, but I could easily imagine every song as an acoustic piano piece for the road.**

**I can’t even begin to pick a favorite since every song on this album is absolutely stunning, from “Dark Queen” to “My Most Beloved Star” to “Three Golden Hairs” to “Into the West”…the list goes on and on, and every time I thought I might be getting tired of the album, it would do something to reel me back in.**

**Not only do all the songs work individually, but the album is one of the most coherent works of the last five years. Each song flows straight into the next, making you feel as though those songs could be played in that order and that order only. “The Golden Trees” isn’t a collection of songs—rather, it’s one song divided into distinct parts, a symphony instead of an album.**

**I tried so hard to find a negative in this album and the only one I came up with is that I still want more—but at the same time, I know there can’t be more without ruining the entire artistry.**

**Once again, Galadriel Lorien has proven that she is and always shall remain the best act on Middle Earth Records.**

**5/5**


	4. In which we can finally get this show on the road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys go on tour and receive an unexpected task.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very sorry to say but updates will be slowing down a bit after this since I'm back in school and my backlog only goes so far. I'll try to keep it fairly regular, but certainly not every other day as it has been. Please be patient. I appreciate all of you.

**Why Fili Durin is my favorite**

**By Sigrid Bowman, age 16, San Francisco**

**Fili Durin is my favorite musician, not just in the band, but of all time, because of his friendliness and his determination to do the right thing, along with his stellar songwriting and ability to make me feel better without having to know me.**

**I first heard Durin’s Sons three years ago, when I was just starting high school. My mom had just died a year earlier and I was lonely and awkward coming out of middle school, feeling like I wouldn’t fit in anywhere, worried about the same things that everyone does—am I pretty enough, will I make friends, will I get a boyfriend, how am I going to manage this without mom? I was very, very scared to start over.**

**But then, on my very first day of school, I was listening to the radio on my iPhone and heard the song “Wandering Forward” off of the “Homebound” album. I loved it immediately. It made me feel less afraid of starting again. After all, that’s what the song is about—starting over and making something great out of nothing, about moving on from your losses and becoming something more.**

**As soon as I got home, I went to my dad’s computer and looked up every other song Durin’s Sons had made on YouTube, and I found their vlogs. I’ve never laughed so hard! By the end of the week, I knew all their names and even who wrote which song.**

**Fili wrote “Wandering Forward,” and it was his voice that comforted me when I was lost and scared. Later, I looked into his charity projects and was pleased to find that Fili comforted so many other children as well as me. His attitude in all the videos is enthusiastic and friendly, and his songs are all my favorites—“Nine Knives,” “My Brother’s Protector,” and “A Little More in the Larder” are up there, but “Wandering Forward” still remains my absolute favorite.**

**I love all of Durin’s Sons music, but Fili is the one who’s touched me the most. Even if I don’t win the contest, I hope he reads this essay and knows how much I appreciate him.**

*

“Come on, boys, wake up!” Thorin shook Fili’s shoulder again. “Time to get on the road!”

Fili groaned and shoved his uncle’s hand away. “Five more minutes,” he mumbled.

“No!” Thorin snapped, going to the window and throwing open the curtains. There was a lot of shouting as the sunlight hit Fili and Kili. “I know the concert ran late last night, but we have to get to Philadelphia today and the traffic’s going to be a bitch!”

“Why are you annoying us and not the others?” Kili mumbled, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

“Bilbo’s getting them,” Thorin said. “Get dressed, comb your hair, and get to the bus! Gimli’s already loaded all your equipment and we’ll get breakfast on the road.”

The boys grumbled a bit more but got moving. Thorin left the room to go shout at someone about something, giving them a moment of peace.

“Do you even know where this tour is going?” Kili asked his brother as he pulled on his favorite ratty t-shirt.

“Not a clue,” Fili sighed, finding a hair band and putting his hair into a messy bun, not wanting to deal with it just now. “We just get on the bus and play wherever we get put on stage. Besides, I’m sure Bilbo will tell us.”

“Yeah,” Kili sighed. He checked himself in the mirror to make sure he didn’t look too exhausted before he looked back at Fili. “Come on, let’s get downstairs before Thorin sends Dwalin up here to drag us out.”

They stumbled down to the hotel lobby, where there was a lot of activity going on. Nori, Ori, and Bofur were standing near the wall yawning and Fili and Kili went to join them, ignoring the rest of their crew dashing about and yelling at each other.

They only had a moment to breathe before Bilbo came bouncing over to them, looking very harried but determined. “Come on!” he snapped. “Princes of Mirkwood and Ms. Lorien are all ready to go! We’re all waiting on you!” He hustled the band outside to the waiting bus and pushed them into seats. Kili’s head immediately dropped on Fili’s shoulder and he went back to sleep.

Thorin rolled his eyes as he boarded. “Coming with us, Mr. Baggins?” he asked.

“Have to, don’t I?” Bilbo asked, taking the seat next to Thorin. “Someone’s got to keep the peace between you and Greenleaf.”

“We won’t fight,” Thorin mumbled petulantly. “He sits at the back and looks haughty and I sit at the front and look grumpy. Besides, we’ll be getting separate buses in Philadelphia…once we’re out of New York traffic.”

Bilbo gave him a hard look. “We’ve got two months on the road together,” he said. “I’m not having you two break down on the first day.”

Thorin glowered at him but didn’t object as he slouched down in his seat, though Bilbo noticed he kept throwing glances towards the back of the bus where Princes of Mirkwood sat, all already awake and chattering loudly, laughing at inside jokes with their security on the other side of the aisle, all ignoring them. Galadriel sat about halfway back, her personal security guard on one side, her manager on the other, reading her book with her iPod turned all the way up to block out the sounds of the younger musicians. Thranduil sat at the very back, next to his son, staring straight ahead and not contributing to the conversation. Durin’s Sons sat near the front, all asleep again. None of them had ever been  
morning people.

Dwalin, Bifur, and Dori got on and sat down. Thorin nodded at the bus driver to go—the rest of the crews would follow in the buses behind.

Bilbo had his phone in front of him, scrolling through the comments on the videos from the press conference. “Well,” he said as the bus got moving. “Seems that Durin’s Fans all loved the boys being little shits last week.”

Thorin rolled his eyes. “And what did the Princes of Mirkwood fans think?” he asked.

“Not so much,” Bilbo sighed. “Lot of fangirls saying how Legolas is nigh unto God and Tauriel is a useless…well, I’m not going to finish that sentence. Long and the short of it is that a lot of girls are mad they have competition for Legolas and that people seem to like her better.”

Thorin nodded. “Uhhuh…and the ones who like both?”

“Mixed,” Bilbo said, scrolling down, his eyes darting back and forth. “Tilbow54 says they wish they wouldn’t fight so much since they’re both awesome…ElfSon93 wants them to do a crossover song…”

“Fuck that.”

“I know…oo, here’s one of yours!” Bilbo smiled at Thorin. “Erebabe69 expresses their pleasure that there’s another fan of the greatest band ever working with these boys and wants to know when you’re going to be on one of their albums.”

Thorin’s face went still and Bilbo instantly knew that he’d said something wrong. The PR manager shrank down in his seat as Thorin glared at the phone.

Finally, Thorin spoke. “Reply to that one,” he said. “Saying that I will not be appearing on any of Durin’s Sons’ music since I do not want their current success to be associated with my past failures.”

Bilbo stared for a moment. “Thorin…”

“That’s the message,” he said shortly. “Might as well get it out there before that idea takes hold.”

Bilbo nodded and hit the reply button, his fingers flying nimbly over the screen as he relayed the message.

*

Bombur groaned, causing the rest of the crew to look at him.

“What is it?” Gloin asked, already pulling out his tablet. Usually when Bombur was groaning, it meant something was very wrong and it was going to cost a lot of money.

“Have you seen the rider the boys submitted for this one?” Bombur asked, turning his laptop around so Gloin could look.

Gloin leaned forward and skimmed the list of demands the boys had sent over. Gimli leaned over his father’s shoulder to look as well. 

“How many changes have they made since yesterday?” Gloin asked in exasperation, pulling up his email to start typing a very angry letter to someone.

“Twenty,” Bombur answered, rolling his eyes. “Apparently Thorin put in that there is to be no alcohol, drugs or call girls anywhere near them during the whole tour so they decided to get even.”

“Wonderful,” Gloin said drily, still tapping away at his tablet. “So instead they’ve decided to demand the most expensive coffee, tea, and steak in the world at the absolute last minute and make all of us look like idiots when we can’t get it for them.”

“So are you emailing Thorin or Gandalf first?”

“Thorin,” Gloin said. “He’s more likely to actually do something about it.”

*

Thorin pulled out his phone and opened the email that had just pinged in his pocket. Bilbo read it over his shoulder, which as lucky since Thorin immediately started to stand up once he’d skimmed it.

Bilbo grabbed his arm. “Not now,” he hissed.

“Bilbo, did you see that…”

“I know, Thorin, but you are not going to yell at them in front of the others.” Bilbo jerked his head toward the back of the bus, where the Princes of Mirkwood were still being way too loud as they scrolled through their iPhones. “You see those phones? You cause a scene now and their fifty thousand Twitter followers will know about it in three minutes…fifty thousand Twitter followers, half of whom would love to have more ammo to use against you and the boys. This is just them being jackasses, it can wait for another hour.”

“It can’t wait for an hour,” Thorin whispered back. “Bombur has to forward that rider before we get there.”

“Why?” Bilbo asked. “We sent in a rider yesterday. If they wanted to change it after we’d all gone to bed, that’s their problem when it can’t be changed in an hour. You can talk to them once we get to the hotel, but not in front of Greenleaf or Miss Lorien!”

“Public humiliation might be good for them,” Thorin grumbled, but he acquiesced and sat back down. “And if I let them get away with this, who knows what other trouble they’ll cause?”

“Relax,” Bilbo said with a smirk, turning his own phone around to show Thorin what he was working on. “They’re going to have homework.”

Thorin took the phone and looked at the website Bilbo was looking at. “Win four backstage passes to the Reclamation Tour,” he read. “Write a one-page essay about your favorite member of Durin’s Sons. Winner gets four backstage passes…four runners-up get up to six regular tickets…entries will be judged by the band…must have parent’s permission if under eighteen…essays must be submitted by May 1.” He looked up and Bilbo caught a hint of a smile on his face. “How many entries did we get?”

“Eight hundred and thirty-seven,” Bilbo answered happily. “Though the secretarial staff narrowed it down to the top one hundred. New York concert didn’t count, but they have to pick a winner before tomorrow night’s concert, so between reading twenty essays apiece tonight and the rehearsal tomorrow, they’ll be very, very busy…too busy to worry about whether or not you got their specific brand of coffee.”

“When did you come up with this contest?” Thorin asked, returning the phone.

“I didn’t,” Bilbo said. “Gandalf started it two months ago and just neglected to tell you about it so that I would have a fallback when the boys needed to be distracted.”

“And what was he going to do if you didn’t need it?” Thorin asked.

“That possibility didn’t even occur to him.”

*

The boys didn’t wake up until they reached the hotel and Thorin shook them awake rather rougher than was strictly necessary. Bilbo frowned at him, but didn’t object. At least he wasn’t shouting.

The next hour was a flurry of activity as Bombur got the entire crew checked in and the keys distributed. Bilbo was surprised to note that the band was put into two separate rooms.

“We don’t let them all stay together,” Balin explained in a whisper as the security team hustled the band through the lobby. “The last time we tried that, they ended up sneaking out the window and starting a fight in some dive bar. Fortunately, Dwalin was able to find them and end the whole thing before any of them died. If we put them in different rooms, there’s less chance of them conspiring to rebellion.”

“So why not give them each a room?” Bilbo asked.

“Expenses, mostly,” Balin explained. “And they really hate that. Kili’s shared a room with Fili all his life and can’t sleep if it’s too quiet, so he ended up sneaking down to his brother at three in the morning the one time we tried to separate them…and Bofur and Nori end up sneaking into the same room anyway if we separate them, through twentieth-floor windows if necessary. So it’s just faster and easier if we have Fili, Kili, and Ori in one room and Bofur and Nori in another…and a security guard in each room at all times.”

“Sounds a bit strict,” Bilbo commented.

“That was the compromise they reached with Thorin,” Balin said. “He was going to put them in separate rooms with either a guard or another member of the crew, but they complained about that, and this was the result. It’s a thin line between keeping them happy and keeping them out of trouble.”

“I bet,” Bilbo said. The elevator finally stopped and they got in, carrying their own suitcases since the bellhops were too busy with the band. “And what’s the reason half of us are three to a room while Thorin has his own?”

Balin chuckled. “No one wants to stay with Thorin,” he said. 

Bilbo raised his eyebrows. “I don’t think it would be that bad,” he said.

Balin shook his head. “Trust me, laddie,” he said. “You’ll be much happier with me and Bombur. Besides, these rooms can easily accommodate three people and then some, and  
Bombur is flying ahead to DC first thing in the morning to make sure everything is all ready there.”

Bilbo shrugged. “All right,” he said.

*

Once everyone had settled in, Bilbo went up to the next floor and found the rooms where the boys were staying. All five had gathered in one room, finally settling down to a nice brunch, not even seeming to notice that they were drinking normal hotel coffee.

“Morning, Bilbo!” Bofur called. “Come join us!”

“Thank you,” Bilbo said, taking a seat and accepting the food being passed to him. Once he’d gotten his fill, he smiled at the boys. “I have a job for you to do this afternoon.”

The boys suddenly looked weary. “What job?” Nori asked.

“Well,” Bilbo said. “You may or may not know, but Middle Earth Records ran an essay contest, first prize being four backstage passes to whatever concert is closest to the winner’s hometown, and you’re judging the finalists!”

The boys groaned, except Ori, who asked “What are the essays about?” 

“The prompt was to write a one-page essay on which member of Durin’s Sons is their favorite and why,” Bilbo explained. “The secretarial staff has picked the top one hundred, so I’m giving you each twenty to read. None of you are getting essays about yourselves, so it won’t be biased that way. You’ll each choose your favorite out of the batch I give you, and you’ll pick the winner together out of those five. The other four will be the runners-up and receive regular tickets. How does that sound?”

Everyone except Ori glowered at him. “Really?” Kili asked, looking more like Thorin than ever. “As if reading the inane emails they send us isn’t bad enough, now we have to read twenty-four essays about it?”

Bilbo glared back. “You need to appreciate your fans, Kili,” he said. “And the really inane ones have already been removed. And we need a winner by tomorrow, so you’re doing this today. I’ve already emailed you all the essays and you will come back to discuss which one should win. And believe me, if you just bring the first one you open, I will know.”

The boys all groaned, but as soon as they were done eating, they went to fetch their laptops and got to work.

*

“All right, team,” Thranduil said as soon as they were all checked in. “Tech rehearsal is tomorrow, so we need to settle this set list tonight.”

Legolas looked up from his phone for a second. “I am not doing ‘They’re Taking the Children,’” he said.

Thranduil raised his eyebrows. “Are you sure?” he asked. “It’s got the most views on YouTube.”

“Because it’s stupid as Hell,” Tauriel pointed out, also barely looking up from her phone. “You’ll notice the comments saying it’s absolutely ridiculous.”

“And you’ll notice the other comments saying that people love it,” Thranduil snapped back. “They’ll be very disappointed if you don’t play it.”

Legolas rolled his eyes. “I wrote that song as a joke!” he whined. “It was album filler!”

“And number one for six weeks.”

Tauriel shook her head. “If we do ‘Taking the Children,’ we have to do ‘The Dreamcatcher.’”

“That’s a lullaby,” Thranduil argued. 

“It named the album!”

“And didn’t even break the Top 100.”

“You refused to release it as a single!”

“I like ‘The Dreamcatcher,’” Legolas said. “It’s nice. And gives me a chance to rest my voice.”

“What if you did ‘Silver Wildling Girl’?” Thranduil asked. “That would give Legolas his break and give you a song.”

“Why can’t I do more than one?” Tauriel asked. “I have, like, seven.”

Thranduil gave her a small smile. “Because you need to focus on your guitar playing,” he said soothingly. “And there are lots of fangirls who want to look at Legolas.”

“There are fanboys as well,” Legolas pointed out. “And both songs are good. I say we play both of them.”

“But…”

“Come on, Dad,” Legolas said. “We’re a band. This isn’t about me.”

Thranduil sighed and glanced at Lindir, who hadn’t even pretended to put his phone down. “What do you think, Lindir?” he asked.

Lindir glanced at him then went back to his game. “Just give me a list and I’m good,” he said. “I’ll play whatever.”

Tauriel pouted at Thranduil. “‘The Dreamcatcher’ near the beginning,” she said. “And ‘Silver Wildling Girl’ near the end.”

Thranduil frowned, but finally said, “All right. ‘Dreamcatcher’ will be fourth and ‘Silver Wildling Girl will be second to last. Close with ‘Uber-Elf’ and open with ‘In the Forest No More.’”

“Close with ‘Even Cupid’s Arrow Will Kill You,’” Legolas countered.

“That song’s depressing,” Thranduil argued.

“‘Live Forever,’ then,” Legolas said. “I’m not opening and closing the show on my own.”

Thranduil groaned. “Fine,” he said. “But when you’re a front man, you need to be a front man.”

Tauriel and Legolas both glared at him. “We’re a band,” Tauriel repeated. “We do this as a team. And we don’t put our own careers over the rest of the group!”

Thranduil glared right back. “Do you know how easy it is to find a guitar player?” he asked.

Tauriel smirked. “Do you know how hard it is to find one who’s …what was it?” She pulled the month’s Rivendell out of her purse. “Ah, right… whose ‘guitar playing is unmatched by anyone working today and whose voice is hauntingly beautiful when she’s allowed to use it.’” She put the magazine away and went back to her phone.

Legolas shrugged at the flabbergasted look on his father’s face. “She’s got a point,” he said before returning to his own game.

*

It should not have taken a full six hours to read twenty papers, but the boys took as many breaks as they could, saying that they were bored and this was stupid. Bilbo ignored them, being too busy looking over the many, many requests for the boys to come onto various shows that had been coming in for days.

But they finally finished around six o’clock, at which point Bilbo told them that they were expected to have dinner downstairs with Thorin and the other musicians and behave themselves. This announcement was met with a lot more grumbling and groaning, but the boys managed to dress nicely and go downstairs.

The dinner was awkward. The Princes of Mirkwood did not say a word to anyone, including each other, and it was very clear that there had been an argument of some sort before this. Tauriel kept glaring at Thranduil, something the band was quick to notice. 

“Probably realizing she’s too good for that outfit,” Kili whispered.

Legolas also kept giving his father dirty looks, though Thranduil ignored both of them, eating his dinner calmly as though nothing were wrong. Lindir, for his part, mostly seemed to be making himself as small as possible, though he at least answered with more than a monosyllable if spoken to.

Thorin was dangerously quiet as well, though he at least kept his eyes on the table. Bilbo was glad of that—he felt certain that if Thorin and Thranduil made eye contact, a fight would have broken out.

At first, the boys didn’t attempt to engage the Princes of Mirkwood in conversation, but at Bilbo’s pointed looks, Kili finally addressed Tauriel, asking her a polite question about her guitar method.

She gave him a withering look. “So now you’re actually interested in the music?” she snapped.

Kili looked a bit taken aback. “Sorry,” he said. “Just wondered…I mean, you are one of the best…”

“Might have mentioned that when we were sharing press time,” she muttered.

“I think I did, actually,” Kili snapped back, suddenly looking offended and ignoring Bilbo’s urgent signals for him to shut up. “Maybe not in so many words.”

“Yes, by insulting the rest of my band,” she said. 

“Tauriel,” Thranduil said warningly.

She glared at him, then said shortly, “It’s something I invented. No one else can do it.”

Kili glanced down. “Maybe you can show me sometime,” he mumbled. “If you want.”

“Maybe,” she said, then she didn’t say another word.

Galadriel was once again the saving grace of the whole affair. She chatted amicably with everyone, ignoring the tension in the room and navigating her way through the conversations with ease. Bilbo could see why she didn’t have her own PR manager—she was a natural at this. The boys were still too in awe of her to answer very well, but Bilbo found that he was having quite a pleasant time talking to her. And if they were the only two who said anything for the last hour of the meal, well, at least someone was having a good time.

The meal finally ended and Bilbo herded the band back upstairs to one of their rooms. “Okay, boys,” he said as soon as they were settled. “Have you all picked your favorite of the batch you got?”

The boys nodded and pulled out their computers, opening the essays they had chosen.

“Okay, who wants to read theirs first?” Bilbo asked enthusiastically.

They looked shocked. “As in…out loud?” Ori asked, blushing.

“Well, yes,” Bilbo said. “It will go much faster if you just read them out loud.”

“Oldest first,” Fili said, nodding to Bofur. Bofur sighed and glared at him before he started to read the essay.

“‘I like Kili the best because he’s cute,’” he began.

“No,” the others all said, except for Kili, who smirked.

“Don’t blame me,” Bofur said. “Most of the ones I read are like that!”

Bilbo leaned over and looked at the essay. “Okay, just checking,” he said before he leaned back. “Don’t you at least want to know what else she said?”

“Anything that starts with ‘I like Kili because he’s cute’ is going to continue in that vein for a while,” Fili said. “Trust me, I’ve read enough fangirl blogs to know.”

Bilbo frowned at him. “You’re going to hear the whole essay,” he said. “It’s not fair to judge a whole page on one sentence.”

The others groaned and let Bofur continue. “‘…Because he’s cute and writes nice songs,’” he said. “‘I always feel like he’s singing to me and we’re on a romantic date and…’”

“Please don’t finish that unless she’s over eighteen,” Kili groaned.

“Um…” Bofur looked at the top of the document. “She’s 14.”

“Continue,” Bilbo groaned.

“‘…We’re on a romantic date and he’s nice to me. I like to think that we could be friends and that he will give me my first kiss to “The Pounding of Stone…”’”

“NO,” the other four said firmly.

“You picked that one just to troll me, didn’t you?” Kili asked.

Bofur managed to look offended. “Why would I do that?” he asked innocently. “She does have very nice prose…and you have to admit, ‘The Pounding of Stone’ is an unusual choice for a favorite song…”

“Probably because she’s not old enough to understand what it’s actually about!” Kili said.

“You’d be surprised,” Ori muttered.

“Right, we’ll put her as a runner-up!” Bilbo interrupted before the conversation became more embarrassing for Kili. “Who’s next?”

“Nori,” Fili said.

Nori sighed and looked at his computer. “‘My favorite is Bofur because he’s funny and his lyrics are extremely clever.’”

“Ah, thanks, love!” Bofur teased, squeezing his boyfriend’s hand. “Now read the essay.”

Nori gave him a withering look. “That is the essay,” he said. “I’ve never called your lyrics clever.”

“You’ve called them a lot of other things, though,” Kili pointed out. “But please, continue.”

Nori rolled his eyes. “‘…His lyrics are extremely clever. I heard the advance of ‘Tinkering’ and now I want Bofur to have a solo career to match that of Elton John. It’s so inspiring to see someone so talented and sure of himself just making silly music.’ It goes on in that vein for a while, but I think you get the point.”

“Short list it,” Ori said. “It’s at least different.”

“So what do you have?” Fili asked.

Ori looked down. “Let’s see...‘My favorite is Kili because he’s really nice.’”

Everyone in the room burst out laughing. “Oh, these sweet children,” Kili sighed.

Bilbo suppressed his own smile and nodded. “Please continue, Ori.”

“‘…He’s really nice and doesn’t insult people. Everything he says at least tries to compliment someone, and his anti-bullying speech made me feel a lot stronger…’ Goes into a bit more detail, but we get it.”

“Decent, if inaccurate,” Fili agree, peering over Ori’s shoulder to skim the rest. “At least it’s not ‘Kili’s so hot and I want to have his babies.’”

“You laugh,” Kili said. “But you notice I’m two-one-zero-zero-zero on this.”

“This is not a competition to see who has the most fangirls!” Bilbo snapped. “Fili, what do you have?”

Fili smirked and looked at his screen. “A rarity,” he said. “‘Ori Scriver is my favorite. His music is so sincere and his voice is like listening to a lullaby. I know he’s really young, but I know he can have a great career, with or without Durin’s Sons. Listening to the advance of “Our Great and Epic Adventure” made me so happy that I had to curl up into a little ball and squee for ten minutes, and seeing him on TV always brings a smile to my face…’”

Ori looked like he was going to burst into flames. Bilbo reached over and patted his arm soothingly. “That’s a very lovely thing to say,” he said.

“It is,” Nori said, a bit unexpectedly. “I’m glad someone noticed you, Ori. You deserve fangirls.”

“Yeah, it’s really great,” Bofur agreed. “Your song is my favorite on the album.”

Ori looked like he wanted to sink through the floor, but Bilbo noticed he was smiling at least a bit under all the compliments. “Shortlist it,” Bilbo said. “Kili, what do you have?”

Kili looked down at his screen for a moment. “I don’t think I should read it aloud,” he finally said. “It’s…it’s very personal.”

Bilbo sighed. “So pass it around,” he said.

Kili nodded and passed his laptop to Nori. Nori read the first few lines and his face stilled, no longer laughing. He showed it to Bofur, who looked the same way. They glanced at each other before Bofur passed the computer to Ori, who read the essay at SAT speed and looked like he would cry at the end. Slowly, he passed it to Fili.

Fili read the essay slowly, his eyes shining more with every word. Finally, he gave the laptop to Bilbo who looked over the essay.

_Why Fili Durin is my favorite_

_By Sigrid Bowman, age 16, San Francisco_

_Fili Durin is my favorite musician, not just in the band, but of all time, because of his friendliness and his determination to do the right thing, along with his stellar songwriting and ability to make me feel better without having to know me._

_I first heard Durin’s Sons three years ago, when I was just starting high school. My mom had just died a year earlier and I was lonely and awkward coming out of middle school, feeling like I wouldn’t fit in anywhere, worried about the same things that everyone does—am I pretty enough, will I make friends, will I get a boyfriend, how am I going to manage this without mom? I was very, very scared to start over…_

Bilbo looked up. The boys were all staring at the ground, not speaking, though he noticed that Fili’s hand had found his brother’s. There was an emotion in Kili’s eyes that Bilbo associated more with Thorin than with the young man—loss, anger, sorrow...it was a bit much.

Finally, Fili spoke. “That one wins,” he said, and the others all nodded. Fili looked up at Bilbo. “I take it you’re going to call her?”

Bilbo nodded. “I need to inform her and find out where to send the passes,” he said.

“Can…can I do it?” Fili asked. “I…I think it would mean more, coming from me, personally.”

Bilbo raised his eyebrows. “Okay,” he said. “Let me find her entry form.”

*

“It’s about his dad,” Bofur said quietly. Fili had retreated to the other room to make the phone call, saying that he didn’t want too much noise, so it was just him and Kili.

“What?” Bilbo asked, turning to face him.

“‘Wandering Forward,’” Bofur said. “The song she mentioned in her essay? It’s about Fili’s dad.”

“Oh,” Bilbo said, trying to remember the song. He’d listened to it, but he’d listened to all three of Durin’s Sons albums in less than twenty-four hours, so the songs all ran together. “Did he leave?”

Bofur glared for a second, but then his face softened. “Sorry,” he said. “Forgot you don’t know…no, Vili died in Afghanistan when he was thirteen.”

“I see,” Bilbo said, suddenly feeling very awkward. “So…when she talked about her mom…”

“Of course we’re going to sympathize,” Bofur said. “None of us have both parents living…we all know where she’s coming from. And…and he intended that song for everyone like  
us, so to know that it did its job…that’s a special thing to him.”

Bilbo nodded. “Well, then,” he said. “I’m very glad you got to see her essay.”

*

Fili’s hands shook as he dialed the number Bilbo had provided. The phone rang twice before it was picked up and a man’s voice answered. “Bowman residence, this is Bard.”

“Hi,” Fili said, feeling more nervous than ever. “May I speak to Sigrid, please?”

“Sure,” the man said pleasantly. There was a small thump as the phone was put down—and who even had a landline, anyway?—then a bit of muffled conversation before the phone picked up again and a soft girl’s voice spoke. “Hello?”

“Hi, Sigrid,” Fili said. “This is Fili Durin, calling to tell you that you won the Reclamation Tour essay contest.”

Fili expertly held the phone away from his ear as a very excited shriek came over the phone. Kili grinned at his brother through the tears still on his face. It never failed.

“TILDA!” Sigrid screamed, audible even over the phone. “TILDA, FILI IS CALLING ME AND I WON THE PASSES!”

Another shriek, a little more distant, came down the line and Kili was outright laughing. Fili grinned back and patiently waited until the excited chatter from the other end of the phone had died down and Sigrid picked up again. “I’m sorry,” she said, sounding a little more calm, though her voice was shaking as though she was about to cry. “I just…I never thought I’d actually win and…and I certainly never thought you’d call yourself and…oh my god!”

“It’s okay, Sigrid,” Fili said politely. “I know it’s exciting to win stuff. But we read your essay and we all agreed that it was the best one. We all really want to meet you when we get to San Francisco.”

“Oh my god,” she said again. “I mean…just…oh my god…”

Kili laughed even harder and Fili shook his head. “We just need your address so we know where to send the passes,” he continued. “You will want all four, right?”

“Yeah,” Sigrid said. “I mean…my brother and sister both like you guys, too, and my dad has to come with us…here, let me give my address…” She rattled it off slowly, making sure  
Fili had time to write it down.

“Thanks, Sigrid,” he said. “I have to go now, we’ve got a show tomorrow night, but I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay,” she squeaked. “Thank you so much!”

“You’re welcome. Good night, Sigrid.”

“Good night, Mr. Durin.” The phone disconnected and Fili looked back to his brother.

“Well,” he said. “I think she’s appropriately happy about this.”

Kili nodded before his face turned serious. “You okay?” he asked.

“Of course,” Fili said. He smiled softly. “And I’m glad she is, too.”


	5. In which Bilbo learns how awful tours are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tour has officially started, Gimli makes an unlikely friend, and Bilbo decides that maybe it won't be terrible. Maybe

**YouTube: Durin’s Sons**   
**The Official Start of the Tour**

_Kili grins into the camera. “Hello, dear Durin’s fans!” he calls. “As you can see by our magnificent backdrop, we’re on tour again!”_

_“Yay,” the others chorus sarcastically._

_Kili rolls his eyes. “And, seeing as we’re on tour, that means there are a lot more people hanging around than usual. You’ve met most of them, but let’s take a refresher!”_

_“Let’s not,” Thorin grumbles from the background._

_“And first on our list is dear Uncle Thorin, manager extraordinaire!” Kili continues, signaling Ori to turn the camera on him._

_Thorin gives the camera his best glare before putting his newspaper in front of his face._

_“Next, our darling PR man, Bilbo Baggins…”_

_Bilbo waves before he goes back to discussing something with Gloin._

_“Our financial manager Gloin, who’s not even paying attention to us…”_

_This is true._

_“And over here, we have Gloin’s boy, our goofy little cousin Gimli, who has graciously agreed to be our equipment manager on this trip!” Gimli looks up, startled as Kili throws an arm around him and drags him in front of the camera. He gives a small wave, blushing furiously. “Ladies, I know he’s cute, but if you’re a grown-up, remember he’s only seventeen. If you’re not a grown-up, though, he is single!”_

_“KILI!” Gimli yelps, wriggling out of his cousin’s grasp._

_Kili laughs and the camera turns. “And over here are our baby-sitters…I mean, security guards, Dwalin, Dori, and Bifur, all looking super-mean and intimidating, so don’t mess with them. Also the reason that you shouldn’t throw us your hotel keys when you see us.” He gives a smoldering smirk to the camera. “Not that you can’t. Just make sure if you do that your room is on the lower floors.”_

_The security team just roll their eyes and ignore him. Kili doesn’t mind, leading Ori around to where the other boys sit, going over a set list. “And here are the real adults, hard at work on getting the set list settled!”_

_Fili glances up. “You could help, too,” he says. “Some of these are your songs.”_

_“True, but we trust you,” Kili says. “As long as you get ‘Our Great and Epic Adventure’ on there, I think we’ll both be happy.”_

_“Trust me, it’s on there,” Nori says. He grins cheekily. “In fact, I thought we’d open with it.”_

_Ori yelpd in surprise and Kili laughs. “Well, can’t go wrong with that!” he says. “Until next time, remember to buy your tickets, or if you can’t afford them, get the album, available for download on iTunes, Amazon, and all other music retailers starting next week!” He blows a kiss and the camera turns off._

*

Gimli finished unloading the last of Durin’s Sons’ equipment, directing the venue crew where to set it up and following to see it done properly. Thorin had put him in charge, and even though the venue crew seemed to smirk at his age, he did his best to sound authoritative.

Still, it wasn’t too bad. The crew was quick, efficient, and professional, and soon enough, they had the entire stage set up correctly to start the tech rehearsal as soon as the band arrived. Satisfied, Gimli then turned to go out and help the other bands’ crews with their things.

The crew for Princes of Mirkwood only looked at him funny when he asked if they needed another hand, so he wandered to the last truck, where the venue crew was discussing how best to move a piano out of the truck and into the theater without breaking it since Ms. Lorien insisted on always using her own piano, thank you very much. Gimli went over and listened to them for a moment, before he studied the truck. “Hey!” he called, making the venue crew turn to look at him. “I think the truck lowers into a ramp.”

“Oh,” one of them muttered. “Well, why didn’t she say so?”

Gimli shrugged. “Come on, few of you up on the truck bed, keep it from falling while I lower this thing.” Some of the crew climbed up and kept a firm grip on the piano as Gimli quickly figured out the switches and lowered the truck bed. It was easy after that, just a matter of carefully rolling the piano into the theater and setting it up backstage. Gimli nodded at the crew and went over, telling himself he was just checking to make sure that it hadn’t been jostled too out of tune by the journey.

The fact was, Gimli had always loved Galadriel Lorien’s music, from the moment Fili and Kili had brought home Three Rings for their first house party. Gimli hadn’t been invited, of course, but his older cousins still let him listen to it beforehand while they were setting up. Now here he was, with her very own piano, his fingers settling lightly on the keys and pressing gently, listening to the tuning as he started to play a melody that he’d heard Fili humming more than once in the last few days, something he was working on.

“That’s very good,” a low, rich voice behind him said. He jumped and whirled around to see Galadriel herself standing just behind him. “Do you play?”

Gimli’s face turned as red as his hair and he stuttered out, “N…no, ma’am…I’m very sorry, ma’am, I should have asked first…”

She laughed gently. “It’s all right,” she said. “I’m very glad you were checking the tuning for me, I sometimes forget.” She walked over, carrying a small bench, which she set down. 

She sat on one end and gestured for Gimli to sit beside her. He did, still blushing furiously. “And if you don’t play, you certainly have a good ear.”

“Y-yes, ma’am,” he said. “I mean…we all took lessons as kids, but…but I never really kept up with them, but…I know which key is which, anyway.”

She smiled. “I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve actually met,” she said. “I’m Galadriel.”

“I know,” Gimli said. “Um…I mean…I really like your music…and…and I think that River Boats is one of the most underrated albums ever.”

“Thank you,” she said. “I quite agree…but I didn’t get your name?”

“Oh! Uh…Gimli, ma’am. Gimli Farin. I’m Durin’s Sons’ equipment manager.”

“And you seem to be doing a splendid job,” she said. “Part of the family, I take it? Everyone seems to be.”

“Yeah,” Gimli said. “My dad is Thorin’s…third cousin, I think? Doesn’t matter, we all call each other cousin anyway.”

She nodded and smiled. “Well…since we’re checking the tuning and since all your work is done, would you like to learn a few things about this instrument?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said. “That…that would be nice.”

She placed her hands on the keys and started to show him some chords. He picked them up easily, smiling as he played the chords while she began to sing.

_Three golden hairs I’ll give you,_   
_If you promise to treasure them,_   
_As I will treasure you always,_   
_My most loyal and good friend…_

*

Thorin offered let Bilbo skip the tech rehearsal, since it would be very long and very, very boring, but Bilbo went anyway, saying someone needed to be there in case the paparazzi decided to crash it.

At least with a rehearsal going on, there was less time for the boys to cause trouble. Indeed, for once they were more interested in their music than anything else, and Bilbo really didn’t have to do much besides sit back and go through all the emails that kept rolling in.

For all that is was a rehearsal, though, Bilbo noticed that there was considerably less music happening than he’d expect. He glanced at Thorin, who was sitting next to him, going through his own correspondence. Thorin looked back and then explained, “This isn’t for them to practice music. It’s for the tech crew to get their cues right.”

“How long will that take?” Bilbo asked.

“Well, each group plays a one-hour set, not including the half-hour local act that’s opening, each group submitted a list of cues last week, so provided the lighting and sound people did their jobs correctly, we’ll be finished just in time to eat a quick dinner and get the boys’ hair and makeup done before the show starts at eight.”

“So…you’re saying this is going to take seven hours.”

Thorin shrugged. “Get comfortable,” he said. “I told you it would be boring.”

“Are the boys allowed to go once they’re done? You know, take a breather.”

“No, because as soon as all the cues are checked, we’re running the whole thing again. Once that’s done, they can go eat.”

“Going a little rough on them, aren’t you?” Bilbo asked. 

“Not really,” Thorin said. “They’re used to this. And we’ll have some time to sleep in tomorrow before we have to leave for Washington.”

Bilbo nodded as he opened the newest email in his inbox. “Oh, look!” he said, suddenly distracted. “We’ve sold out Seattle.”

“Fantastic,” Thorin said. “St. Paul is high as well, though I hardly count that since most of the ticket-holders are family.”

“Still promising,” Bilbo said. “Anticipating selling out Little Rock and Birmingham in the next few days.”

Thorin nodded, glancing over the sales figures himself. “Let me know when we sell out Los Angeles,” he said. “Then I’ll really get excited.”

*

Bilbo had gotten used to the boys’ lack of table manners over the last month, but even he wasn’t prepared for the sight of all five of them eating at top speed in their dressing room before a show, all while shouting and throwing things at each other.

Bilbo looked helplessly at the makeup girls, none of whom had ever introduced themselves to him and who all were quite content to ignore him. All five of them sat patiently at their stations, reading various fashion magazines. He sighed, knowing that he was going to have to deal with the boys on his own.

“You know, just because you’re rock stars doesn’t mean you can just trash the dressing room,” he scolded as Fili tossed a roll to Ori, who caught it easily.

“We aren’t!” Kili protested. “Thorin won’t let us leave the theater until this room is spotless anyway.”

Bilbo shook his head. “Do your mothers tolerate this behavior in their houses?” he asked desperately.

Fili snorted. “Where do you think we learned it?” he asked.

“Not one for propriety, our mom,” Kili added. “Or table manners. Come on, Bilbo, we behaved ourselves at dinner last night! Relax!”

Bilbo looked to Nori and Ori, who both looked at him blankly. “Our mother didn’t have much say,” Nori finally said. “At least, not in a long time.”

There was an awkward silence as Bilbo remembered what Bofur had confided to him the night before. He sighed and rubbed his temples. “Sorry,” he said. “Fine…do the thing, just   
don’t leave the place a mess!”

“We never do,” Bofur assured him. “Now, why don’t you go talk to all the reporters outside while we finish up and get ready? That’s your job, isn’t it?”

Bilbo sighed and left the dressing room to go deal with the paparazzi already swarming the theater.

*

_It’s calling through the mountain,_   
_The song keeps playing, playing on._   
_It’s nothing I haven’t heard before,_   
_But it has a brand new sound._   
_Before, a call to arms,_   
_The promise of glory and gold,_   
_We’re off on a great and epic adventure,_   
_And I don’t know when we’ll go home._

After everything, getting the tour officially started was actually a relief. Whatever nonsense might happen on the road, at least the concerts could be good.

Bilbo finished writing out a quick email to Bombur, telling him that everything was under control and that the boys had eaten properly, then he put his phone away and settled into his seat backstage to listen. It had been a long time since he had attended any sort of rock concert—at least ten years, actually, he hadn’t gone to any since he’d graduated college. There had been no time, even when he’d done PR for rock bands before, it hadn’t been anything like this.

He smiled, taking in the music, the cheering, the energy of the room and decided that maybe this tour wouldn’t be so bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right. So I'm going to a once a week schedule. Chapters will go out Friday mornings until further notice.


	6. In which Bilbo shares a room with Thorin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo spends some quality time with his boss and learns a few things about him. And no, that was not sexual.

**YouTube: Durin’s Sons**

**Good Exercise**

_“Hello, Durin’s fans!” Kili greets to the camera as he comes out of the local gym locker room. Fili, Bofur, and Nori follow close behind, Bofur holding a bundle of clothing in his hands. “We’re at a gym this morning, because when you’re on the road, healthy eating isn’t exactly that high on the priority list. You know, fast food over green food.”_

_Ori turns the camera on himself and sticks his tongue out in a disgusted face. “I don’t like green food.”_

_“Really, who does?” Nori replies._

_“Anyway, we still have to keep ourselves looking fit and healthy, for all of you,” Fili says._

_Ori pans the camera down the other four to show their workout shorts and tshirts, then down himself to show his sweatpants._

_“Someone is going to definitely working up quite a sweat in his hat,” Kili remarks._

_Bofur chuckles to himself, knowing he would take it off after they were done filming, before he gets too hot and bothered by it._

_“Now, we’ve brought Bilbo along with us. He thinks he’s just going to be cameraman. We’ll let him think that for a little while longer.”_

_They meet up with Bilbo in the exercise equipment room, and Ori hands the camera over. Bilbo films them doing various things for a few minutes, but then Bofur gets off a bike and tossed the bundle of clothes at him._

_“What’s this?” Bilbo asks, the camera aimed at the floor for a second as he catches it._

_“Fili’s spare set. Now go on, get changed.”_

_“Oh… no.”_

_“Come on, Bilbo, you’re on this trip with us. Your fitness is just as important,” Bofur replies, taking the camera._

_Bilbo narrows his eyes. “Let it be on the record I did this under duress.” He sighs and makes his way to the locker room._

_Bilbo emerges a couple minutes later, to the giggles of the bandmates. “I look ridiculous.”_

_Nori takes Bilbo by the shoulder and led him over to the treadmills. “No you don’t. Now let’s see how well you do with this…”_

_Bofur captures Bilbo doing the various workouts with the other four, then turns off the camera to continue his own exercise._

_After an hour, they all stop, shower, and change back into their normal clothes. Ori turns the camera on. Fili throws his arm around Bilbo’s shoulders and asks, “So, how’d it go?”_

_Bilbo’s expression is one of narrow-eyed malice as he looks to each of them in turn. “I am never going with any of you to a gym again.”_

_Kili beams at the camera. “I think he liked it. Well, fans, see you next time.”_

*

“No, really, Bombur, I’ll be fine,” Bilbo insisted. “There is absolutely no reason to keep putting all of us in one room when Thorin has an empty bed.”

Bombur looked nervous. “I know, but…well…he’s not exactly an extrovert…”

“I know that,” Bilbo said. “But he doesn’t mind me there and I think it would be good for me to work a bit closer to him.”

“You’re already spending most of the days glued together,” Balin pointed out. “Don’t you want a break from him?”

Bilbo shrugged. “I spend more time with the boys, tell the truth.”

Bombur sighed. “All right,” he said, passing Bilbo a key. “Just…don’t blame us.”

Bilbo rolled his eyes and headed up to the room.

Thorin was already there, sitting on the couch in the main area, looking exhausted even though they were only three days into the tour. Bilbo shook his head and went to put his bag down in the second bedroom.

“Show’s not til tomorrow,” Thorin said, his eyes closed. “Figured we’d just all take a day off. Boys said they wanted to do some sight-seeing while we were here and Dwalin agreed to take them.”

“Fair enough,” Bilbo said. “So I take it that means I get to spend the day replying to fan mail and running their Twitter?”

“Do what you like,” Thorin said. “Personally, I’m going to take the opportunity to have a few beers and relax. Probably won’t get another chance until St. Paul.”

Bilbo frowned. “Hardly the best example, especially since you won’t let the boys drink.”

“I’m not performing,” Thorin reasoned. “And it’s not like they’ll know.” He opened his eyes. “Go on, have one yourself. You’ve earned it.”

“We’ve barely started,” Bilbo protested, but he went to the kitchen and found the beer. Cheap stuff, high on the APV. The type of stuff that got passed around at college parties. He grabbed two bottles and took one to Thorin.

“Thanks,” Thorin grunted. Bilbo sat down next to him, suddenly shy again now that they were alone.

Not shy in the way that bandom girls would write it, of course. Thorin was his boss, after all, and a good twenty years older than him. No, Bilbo was shy because it suddenly hit him that here he was, alone in a room with the lead singer of his favorite band, drinking beer like it was the most normal thing in the world.

He’d fantasized about something like it, of course. About being friends with Thorin Oakenshield, about being the one for him to confide in, the one who would bring him back from the shadows. A childish dream, one that Bilbo hadn’t thought about in years, yet here he was and so far, it was massively disappointing. 

Not that Thorin was that bad of a guy—really, he just acted harshly towards the boys because he took their careers so seriously as far as Bilbo could tell, but he’d seen a softness in Thorin’s face when he looked at his nephews, seen him smile a bit when he listened to them play, his own lips moving, forming words but never singing. Bilbo was very disappointed at that—everyone else in the crew tended to sing along with every inane lyric the boys called out, but Thorin’s voice never joined in.

Suddenly feeling awkward, Bilbo grabbed his laptop and pulled open the band’s shared email. There was an automatic ping-back with a form letter, of course, but Bilbo liked to look through and find anything the boys should see anyway. He worked in silence for a moment, bookmarking the ones he wanted to pass on, deleting the ones that were boring or dumb, occasionally moving one into a folder marked “FBI.”

“It’s not their fault,” Thorin said suddenly, though his voice was quiet, as though he were speaking more to himself than Bilbo.

Bilbo still looked up. “What isn’t?” he asked.

“Me,” Thorin said. “The fact that I’m so hard on them…I don’t want to be, I try not to be, but…but I keep seeing my own mistakes in them…my own weakness…especially in Fili. I don’t want him to end up like me.”

Bilbo’s forehead creased. “But…I mean…you’re not doing too badly,” he said.

Thorin sighed. “Not now,” he admitted. “But…well…you know the story of Erebor, right?”

“Bits of it,” Bilbo said. “At least, the parts that were public...” He looked at Thorin seriously. “Tell me.”

Thorin sighed and took another swig of his beer. “It was me, Balin, and Dwalin,” he said. “We were young, we were stupid, we were reckless and angry at everything, and we all loved to make music. So we put together a band and started writing songs…dumb songs, hair metal…you know. The louder and stupider, the better.”

“Nothing wrong with loud and stupid,” Bilbo said.

“No,” Thorin agreed. “Nothing wrong with that. And it was fun. We loved what we did, and on the rare occasion we did a ballad, it was still loud and stupid. And we had a dream, a very vague dream, of one day becoming big musicians. And then…” He took a shaky breath. “Smaug came.”

“Smaug?” Bilbo repeated.

“Record exec,” Thorin said. “The type who only sees profit, not art…don’t know if you’ve ever dealt with that. But he thought we would be profitable. He offered us a contract with his label, and like idiots, we signed it without reading the fine print. And at first, it was all good. Suddenly, we were super-stars, no longer the dorks from London playing loud and stupid music, but actual rock-stars…Thorin Oakenshield and Erebor!” He laughed bitterly. “And it was good…you have all the records. You know them by heart, I imagine.”

Bilbo blushed. “Well…mostly,” he said. “I mean… _Khazad Dum_ and _Mithril_ kind of sound the same…”

Thorin nodded. “That was part of the problem,” he said. “ _Arkenstone_ was new. _Khazad Dum_ had hints of the same, but was still fresh. Then Smaug said that we needed to be consistent and he rewrote half of _Mithril_ to sound more like _Khazad Dum_. We weren’t happy, but we were still riding high off our early success, so we let it happen. After all, this was the guy who had given us success, so even if we weren’t entirely happy with his choices, we were going to obey him.”

“But then…”

“But then I wrote ‘Misty Mountains Cold,’” Thorin said. “I meant it as something new…something more than loud and stupid. I meant it as an honest-to-God ballad, not just hair metal. Well…Smaug didn’t like that. He let us put it on the album, but he rearranged the whole thing and ruined it. And when I protested, he pointed to the line in the contract that said he had complete control over our music. After that, I just tuned out. I didn’t care anymore—what was the point?”

“And that’s when…”

“That’s when I started drinking…along with a lot of other things I’m ashamed of now. I got into way more trouble than any of my boys could even dream of…granted, people didn’t know as much, it was before the internet, but it was still a very public breakdown…and then I got arrested. Busted buying coke. Celebrity status got me out of the long-term sentence I deserved, but it was over. The label dropped us and Smaug pointed to the line in the contract that said that the rights to Erebor and all our music were his. The only thing I kept was my name, which was forever tarnished as that of a pathetic junkie.”

Bilbo looked down, embarrassed to hear Thorin admit all this. “So what did you do?” he asked.

“I couldn’t stay in New York, no one there wanted to be associated with me,” he said. “So all three of us moved out to St. Paul…Balin and Dwalin had been offered the chance to stay with the label as the new Erebor, but they refused to leave me…stupid buggers,” he murmured fondly. “We had just enough money to start over…working as mechanics. Most of our family had already immigrated to that area, so we weren’t alone. But what really got me on track was Dis…my sister. She was only a teenager at the time, but she still set me straight…supported me when I needed it, slapped sense into me more than that. Then her boys came and…and I had something to live for. Someone else to look after.”

“And you became their manager?”

“Yeah,” Thorin sighed. “Their uncle, their manager…almost their father, after Vili died. They formed a band as teenagers and told me it was what they wanted to do. By then, I’d cleaned up my public image enough that I could reasonably help them get on the scene without embarrassing them. I knew the industry and got them work, anyway…then Grey heard us as some bar and asked us to come in for an audition…bam, signed, successful. More successful than Erebor ever was. But…but I worry. They don’t seem to understand how important staying out of trouble is. I try to keep them from becoming me…but then I worry that I’m just projecting because I’m so insecure, and then I ask if I’m their uncle or their manager first…it’s difficult for all of us.”

Bilbo smiled softly at Thorin and put a hand on his shoulder. “I think you’re doing fine,” he said. “They’ve made it this far, haven’t they? And they get into trouble, but never anything we can’t fix. They’re good boys, really. They just like a bit of fun, like all boys do. They’re young…and they’re very lucky to have you to guide them. After all, you’ve learned from your mistakes…and they will learn from theirs.”

Thorin nodded. Bilbo hesitated for a moment before he asked, “And…Thranduil?”

Thorin snorted. “Oh, yes,” he muttered. “Perfect Thranduil, with his nice, long solo career…darling of everyone at the label, who got to walk away without disgracing himself…never mind who he hurt to do so.”

“What happened?”

“We were…we were close. He swore to stand by me…to support me. He was the first one who heard ‘Misty Mountains,’ in its untarnished form…and he was the one who encouraged me to stand up to Smaug and release it my way…bloody fool.” Thorin drank angrily. “Of course, the moment I got into real trouble, he was nowhere to be found…didn’t say a word when I was dropped…didn’t offer any sort of support…just said I should have known better and that he was disappointed in me. In me! Not the people who screwed me over, oh no, they were all right, they were still lining up to suck his cock!”

Bilbo flinched. He’d seen Thorin angry, of course, but this went beyond anything he’d experienced so far.

“Fucking traitor turned his back when I needed it most,” Thorin muttered. “And then he announced that he was going to retire, but he never really did, because his kid started music a few years later, and ever since then, he’s been enjoying Legolas’s success…keeps showing up on Princes of Mirkwood albums…keeps lording it over us, showing off his perfect little angel who never gets in trouble…not that I blame the boy, of course,” Thorin added at the look on Bilbo’s face. “From the few times I’ve met him, Legolas seems like a perfectly reasonable kid, but that father…no, I’m not doing it. I’m not dealing with him.”

Bilbo nodded and they didn’t say more.

*

If Bilbo was a bit hungover the next morning, no one was going to comment. They were all far too busy getting everything ready for that day’s rehearsal and concert.

And if he seemed a little more distant than before, well, no one noticed that either. At least, not until lunch time came and Bilbo found himself seated next to Balin and only picking at his food.

Balin frowned. He’d learned that Bilbo enjoyed his meals, even when he was having them with the boys, so seeing him with no appetite now told him that something was very, very wrong. “What is it, lad?” he asked quietly, making sure everyone else was occupied. “Thorin keep you up all night?”

“Not really,” Bilbo answered. “Just…we got talking and…” He glanced up at Balin, taking in how much older the man seemed thirty years on. “He told me about Erebor.”

Balin closed his eyes and sighed and Bilbo knew that the older man longed for a cigarette just about now. “Ah,” he said. “We did try to warn you.”

“Is he often that way?” Bilbo asked.

“When he’s out of sight of the boys, yes,” Balin said. “He never knows when to forgive people…let alone himself. No matter how many times I’ve told him that none of it was his fault, he always carries all the guilt himself.”

“So it’s all true?” Bilbo asked.

“Well…his version does tend to be a bit more passionate than others’, but the essentials are all true. Three foolish young men, taken into a terrible deal and unable to get out of it…losing everything they’d worked for because they couldn’t take the time to research what they were getting into…and then letting that failure taint everything else they tried to do…you’ve heard of Moria, I suppose?”

“Yeah,” Bilbo said. “It, um…well, I didn’t think it was that bad, considering the changing styles of the time…”

Balin snorted. “It was a misguided attempt to capture the old glory,” he said. “But the fact was, we couldn’t be musicians again without everyone just seeing us as Erebor in a shiny new package. The public wouldn’t trust Thorin again…at least, not in front of a microphone.”

Bilbo nodded. “I remember it,” he said. “I remember hearing the gossip, anyway…I was a bit too young to really understand, though.”

“Aye, I imagine you were,” Balin said. “But don’t let Thorin’s brooding get to you, lad. We all know better now. None of us let the boys even look at a contract unless both he and I have read it at least three times, and he never changes their music…he might offer suggestions, or tell them to change something that the label won’t like, but he doesn’t force anything on them. And if anyone ever tries to ruin their image, you can imagine what he’ll do to them—and he will never allow the boys to ruin themselves as we did.” Balin looked seriously at Bilbo. “He does love them, Bilbo. All five of them.”

Bilbo nodded, and finally felt well enough to eat.

*

He did not get a chance to broach the subject with the boys until they were on the road to Charleston, six hours on the bus ahead of them. Thorin had elected to ride with the support crew, so it was just Bilbo, the boys, and security on the first bus.

Nori, Ori and Bofur had all fallen asleep, the day in Richmond being rushed and exhausting, but Fili and Kili were still awake, far too hopped up on adrenaline to sleep just yet, so they and Bilbo sat far away from the others. Fili was strumming absently at his guitar, humming a melody that had been driving everyone crazy for days, while Kili chewed on a pencil as he fretted over a set of lyrics he wouldn’t let anyone look at yet.

Bilbo was hesitant to bring up the matter of Thorin to them—after all, they were his family. But he did want to know how it had come to pass that Thorin would give up his dignity for them. So he finally said, as casually as he could, “So how did you pick Thorin as your manager?”

Fili and Kili glanced up at him, completely nonplussed. “It was obvious,” Fili said simply.

“I mean, he knows the music industry, even if he hates it,” Kili added.

“And he does know what’s best for us, even if he overdoes it,” Fili agreed.

“And we all respect him,” Kili finished. “He’s gotten us through rougher times than this. We know he can pull us through a simple concert tour.”

Bilbo still didn’t look convinced, so Fili let out a puff of breath. “You know our dad died when we were young?” he asked.

Bilbo nodded. “Bofur mentioned it.”

“Right,” Fili said. “So imagine being barely-thirteen and not-quite-eleven, you’re already feeling lost and angry and hormonal as it is, your mother can’t possibly understand you, and then your father is taken from you forever just when you need him the most.”

“What Fi is trying to say is that he became a little hellion,” Kili explained. “Not that anyone blamed him, but it certainly didn’t help the situation.”

“And believe me, we had it better than a lot of people,” Fili said. “I didn’t want to acknowledge that at the time, but we still had Mom, and we had our entire extended family there to help…and we had Thorin.”

“He practically moved in with us after that,” Kili said. “He dealt with us when our mother was too tired or too sad or too busy, he trained us both at the car shop and he taught us to play guitar. And once we’d gotten together some songs and our friends to be a band, it was only natural that we’d ask for his help.”

“And he didn’t even object to helping,” Fili said. “Just called whatever contacts he had, pulled the strings he could, and eventually got us here. Sure, he’s screwed up a few times…”

“A lot,” Kili corrected. “But that’s why we have Balin.”

“Exactly,” Fili said. “He does what he can and while we might annoy him, we never cross the line with him. We owe him too much for that.”

“Only thing he won’t do for us is sing,” Kili said. “Says it hurts too much.”

“He used to,” Fili said. “When we were little, he’d sing ‘Misty Mountains’ in the way it was meant to be sung. Not so much anymore.”

Kili smiled at Bilbo. “I know he seems rough,” he said. “But really, he’s just scared. You just have to be careful with him.”

“I am careful,” Bilbo said. “But I’ll keep it in mind.”


	7. In which a few unlikely friendships begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quiet days on the tour are a good time to have conversations.

_Dear Mr. Durin,_

_I hope you don’t find it forward of me to write to you like this. Oh, who am I kidding, everyone else does, so why shouldn’t I? Except…well, it’s different, isn’t it?_

_Anyway, I hope you’re well and that the tour’s going okay. I saw the vlog last week and you seem to be, though poor Mr. Baggins looked less happy. Then again, he’s a real grownup, so he probably just doesn’t understand._

_I’m sorry, I’m being awkward. I’m always like that, I’m afraid…you probably realized that since I spent half of our phone conversation screaming. I’m sorry about that, by the way. Your ears probably hurt from that._

_I wanted to tell you about myself since I’ll be meeting you fairly soon. I mean, I know that it’s just an autograph line, maybe a selfie if I’m lucky, but I don’t want to feel all awkward cause I know all about you (at least, your public image) while you know virtually nothing about me._

_As you got from my essay, I’m sixteen. “Wandering Forward” is my favorite song ever. I also like woodcarving and cooking—I have to be the lady of the house, Daddy works late and someone has to feed my siblings, but I don’t mind. It’s a good thing to do, being a mom, right? I mean, I’m not their mom, but I do have to act like it. I’m the one who has to guide them forward._

_Sorry, I’m complaining, though not really, cause I don’t mind it. I wish it wasn’t necessary, of course, but it’s not so bad. I’ve come up with a lot of simple recipes that will feed all three of us with as little as possible, but I like to do big things now and then._

_Speaking of, I would like to bring you some cookies when I see you—you and all the boys, of course. What kind would you like? I can find recipes for almost anything._

_Anyway, I know you’re probably super-busy and I’m probably just going to get the ping-back anyway, so I’ll stop rambling now. Can’t wait to meet you!_

_Sincerely,_

_Sigrid Bowman_

*

_There’s a web like a spider’s web,_  
_Made of silk and light and shadow,_  
_Spun by the moon in my room at night._  
_It’s a web made to catch a dream,_  
_Hold it tight til I awaken,_  
_As if to tell me that dreaming’s all right…_

“Hey, Tauriel?”

Tauriel looked up, startled, to find Kili Durin standing over her, nervously shifting his guitar hand to hand. She flushed and set her guitar aside. It was a rare moment on the road that she got to sit down and just play for herself, but of course she couldn’t do that. Too many people. “Can I help you?” she asked, perhaps a little bit rudely, but so far, Kili had given her no reason to be nice.

He blushed a bit as well. “Um…well, not help,” he said carefully. “I came over to apologize…for what we said before. We…we tease each other and our crew a lot, and we honestly just meant to extend that to you, but…I guess you just took it wrong…not that we were right!” he added hastily as Tauriel continued to look unimpressed. “But…well, we’re not used to talking to people like you and…and I’m sorry that we upset you.”

Tauriel sighed. “You didn’t upset me, per se,” she admitted. “Really, the only person you upset was Thranduil. Everyone else agrees with your assessments.”

Kili looked surprised. “Even Legolas?”

She smiled slightly. “Especially Legolas,” she confirmed. “I won’t deny that you weren’t particularly graceful about it, but…well, it’s time someone said something about it.”

“Right,” Kili said. He shifted uncomfortably. “Well, then, I’ll just be going…”

Tauriel hesitated, then waved her hand vaguely at the chair next to her. “Why not sit down?” she asked. “Jam a little.”

Kili’s face split into a wide smile and Tauriel had to admit he was kind of cute. “Yeah?” he said.

“Yeah,” she said, picking up her instrument. “I can even show you that thing I do with the fretting.”

Kili sat down next to her and quickly turned his guitar to hers.

*

“Fili, for fuck’s sake, can’t you hum something else?” Nori asked in exasperation.

Fili looked up from his guitar, a bit sheepish. “Sorry,” he said. “But you know how it is when you’re trying to get a song right.”

“You’ve been trying to get it right for weeks!” Nori said. “Seriously, we all know it by rote and by every little change you’ve made, so give it a rest!”

Fili sighed and set his guitar aside. “Fine,” he muttered. “So what are you doing to help this merry little outfit?”

“Right now, I’m staying out of trouble,” Nori said. “Which is an impressive enough feat as it is.”

Fili raised his eyebrows at him. “That’s true enough, but don’t you have something to be doing beyond that?”

“No,” Nori said. “Come on, Fi. We have an hour with nothing to do, time to actually relax, and you choose to spend it working.”

“Can’t help it,” Fili muttered. “You know how it is in my family. No time to be idle unless you’re dead.”

Nori rolled his eyes. “You used to have time,” he pointed out. “When we were kids.”

“But we’re not kids anymore,” Fili argued. “And I never really did have time. Any time I didn’t spend in one of my school activities or at the shop was spent looking after Kili. You know that.”

Nori sighed. “Yes,” he said. “I know.” He was quiet for a moment. “You’re a good brother to him. Better than I am to my own.”

Fili shook his head. “You did fine,” he said. “I mean…yeah, you screwed up a lot that first year after, but…but no one blames you for it. It was a rough time for all of you.”

“I didn’t have to make it rougher for him.”

“You were seventeen. You know better now.”

Nori nodded. “I guess so.” They were both uncharacteristically quiet for a moment before Nori’s smile returned. “Still, stop playing that for a little while. You never walk away from it so you can never really figure it out.”

Fili sighed and smiled back. “Fine,” he said dramatically, putting his guitar down. “What would you suggest I do, then? Cause I’m not just sitting here doing nothing for the next hour.”

“Check your email,” Nori suggested. “I know you haven’t in a while and Bilbo went through fanmail recently. He’s probably forwarded you a couple of things.”

Fili groaned. “That’s supposed to make me want to stop working?” he grumbled, but he nevertheless pulled out his phone and opened his inbox. “Let’s see…have my babies…please send pieces of your hair…creepy stalker, creepy stalker, creepy stalker…”

Nori gave him a pointed look. “Bilbo weeds out the creepy stalkers before those get to you,” he said.

Fili grinned at him. “Have to keep you on your toes,” he said, then actually looked through the dozens of emails he’d gotten. “Oh,” he said. “There’s one from that Sigrid Bowman girl…you know, who won the essay contest?”

“You’ll probably want to actually read it, then,” Nori said. “At least we know she can form a coherent sentence.”

Fili ignored him, his eyes darting over the little screen before, to Nori’s delight, he looked up and asked, “Do you think it’ll be okay for me to reply to her myself?”

“If Bilbo let you talk to her on the phone without him in the room, I think you’re okay,” Nori said. “Maybe give her your personal address, though. Wouldn’t want Bilbo reading all your love letters.”

Fili yelped. “She’s sixteen!”

“Doesn’t seem to stop any of them.”

Fili glared before looking back down at his phone to type a reply.

*

“Are you quite sure you’re warm enough?”

“Yes, Dori, I’m fine!”

“I don’t want you to catch a chill before a performance! Here, put on your sweater and I’ll go get some tea.”

“Really, Dori, I’m okay.”

“Come on, you’re shivering!”

Ori sighed. No matter how many times he repeated he was fine, his oldest brother always ignored it. Not that Ori blamed him, but it was still rather annoying. “Can you please stop fussing for a moment?” he asked.

Dori frowned. “I’m not fussing, Ori, I’m merely looking out for your well-being! Heaven knows few enough people seem to think about it.”

“Everyone else in this crew worries about me just as much as you do,” Ori muttered. “Except maybe Gimli.”

“Gimli is a child.”

“I’m not.”

Dori sighed. “I know,” he said. “But you’re still my little brother and I worry for you.”

Ori looked down. “I know,” he said, and he pulled the sweater on. “Mint, please. With honey.”

Dori smiled. “Of course,” he said, and hurried off to fetch it.

So Dori was fussy. That didn’t mean Ori didn’t appreciate him.

*

Legolas Greenleaf had to be the most infuriating person Gimli had ever seen.

Not that Legolas was rude, or mean, or anywhere near as haughty as his father. In fact, he seemed to be quite pleasant, thanking each of the stage hands personally and asking if they would like anything since dinner was being organized at the moment. He was quite unlike any rock star Gimli had ever met, and growing up with the dregs of Erebor and the beginnings of Durin’s Sons, Gimli had met quite a few.

Legolas finally came to him. “Hi,” Legolas said. “Don’t think we’ve met…you’re with Durin’s Sons, aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” Gimli said shortly, before remembering his manners. “Gimli Farin. I’m their equipment manager.” He ignored the look of amusement in Legolas’s eyes.

“Legolas Greenleaf,” he said, offering his hand. Gimli shook it politely. “I was going to order dinner for the crew, since you guys do so much for us. You want anything?”

“No, thanks,” Gimli said. “I’ve been invited to eat with my band.”

Legolas smiled. “Nice of them,” he said. 

Gimli shrugged. “They’re my cousins,” he said.

“Well, nice meeting you anyway,” Legolas said, and then he moved on, leaving Gimli feeling slightly flustered and very, very confused.

*

_Dear Sigrid,_

_It is not at all forward of you to write. In fact, I’m very glad you did, since your letter is by far more interesting than anything else I’ve received in months. The only thing I took issue with was your salutation—please, from now on, write to me as Fili. Mr. Durin always referred to my father._

_I’m very well, thank you. The tour is going as expected, which means that it is very, very boring. Mr. Baggins should be quite glad that we’ve decided to spice it up a bit by keeping up with our YouTube channel, though I think he wishes sometimes that it was not at his expense. Unfortunately, everyone else we travel with is far too experienced with us to be tricked anymore._

_And no, I don’t find you at all awkward. True, the screaming wasn’t exactly professional, but it wasn’t entirely unexpected. After all, it’s not often that girls receive personal phone calls from us. I do apologize for startling you._

_Woodcarving, eh? That’s an unusual hobby for a girl to have. I would love to hear more about it. What sorts of things do you carve? Where did you learn to do it? Perhaps you can show me some of your work when we meet—or you can send it to the label, though I don’t know how well it would ship._

_I quite understand your need to be the lady of the house. It is difficult to carry on without a parent, especially when there are young siblings to look after. I’m sure you’re doing a splendid job—better than I did, anyway, if you can make a full meal for three on your own. The only thing I’ve ever learned to cook is eggs, and even they don’t turn out very well. Fortunately, my brother is not a picky eater._

_Thank you very much for the offer of cookies. With these boys, almost anything you give us is appreciated, so please, bake whichever ones you like best, and we will be thankful for it._

_I admit that the tour is busy, but do not let that deter you from writing. In future, please address your emails to this email address. That way, I’ll get them directly and they won’t get lost in the spam filter or Mr. Baggins’ scans._

_Sincerely,_

_Fili_

*

“Can’t Gimli sit up a little longer with us?” Kili begged, and Gloin sighed, remembering that Kili wasn’t really much older than his son.

“Fine,” Gloin sighed. “But not too late, we need an early start tomorrow.”

“We know,” the boys all said.

“We’ll have him back to you by three,” Fili promised, his eyes solemn. 

“See that you do,” Gloin said. “And do not give him anything illegal!”

“And where would we get such a thing?” Bofur asked. “Thorin has ensured we don’t have anything.”

Gloin glowered at them. “With you, I’d believe anything,” he said. “Gimli, behave. Bifur, make sure he does.” With that, he turned and left the room.

Bifur rolled his eyes and said something in Gaelic before he stalked off to the other side of the room. He did not want to be the one keeping an eye on six rowdy boys alone, but it was unfortunately his turn.

Gimli was practically bouncing with excitement. “So what are we doing?” he asked.

“Well,” Nori said, a wicked smile on his face. “You’re part of our tour, right? And that means we need to introduce you to our most sacred art.”

“No,” Ori said suddenly, shocking everyone. “We’re not doing that with him.”

“Aww, but Ori!” Bofur whined. “He’s old enough! And it’s not like anyone’s going to know!”

“Um…what?” Gimli asked, suddenly slightly afraid.

“Strip poker,” Fili announced, setting a deck of cards on the table. “You bet an article of clothing, you lose, you take it off…you know how to play, right?”

“Doesn’t matter, because we’re not doing it,” Ori interrupted. “He’s seventeen! Far too young for that sort of thing!”

Gimli rolled his eyes. “I do go to public school, you know,” he said. “Not like I haven’t seen naked dudes before…except most of them looked better than you.”

That got a laugh out of the others. Ori crossed his arms and frowned. “This is so many levels of wrong and you know it!”

“Nah, it’s fine!” Gimli insisted. “It sounds fun, actually.”

“You’re sounding a bit like Dori, there,” Nori said teasingly.

“If Dori were here, he’d put a stop to this,” Ori mumbled, shooting a glance at Bifur, who was ignoring all of them. Finally, Ori sighed. “Fine. But just down to briefs, got it?”

“What makes you think I’m wearing briefs?” Kili asked teasingly, earning a glare from Ori.

“I’ll agree to that,” Bofur said. “Now sit down and quit your worrying. It’s only illegal if there are pictures, which there won’t be.”

Gimli smirked. “It’s only illegal if I lose,” he corrected.

The others all laughed uproariously.

*

Two hours later, their laughter was mostly gone. Gimli smirked at the other five. So far, Gimli had only lost his shoes, socks, and jacket, whereas the others…

Kili seemed the least bothered by it all. Then again, he still had his pants, and it was well known that the younger Durin had posed for magazines in about as much clothing before. He leaned back, showing his chest off as he dealt the cards for the next round.

Fili was already out, lounging back in his chair wearing only his shorts, once again humming that annoying melody he was working on, his fingers tapping absently on his bare thighs. 

Nori glared at Fili. “What did I tell you about that?” he asked irritably. He was very, very annoyed at having lost the last six rounds to Gimli, of all people. Still, there were benefits, he thought as he side-eyed Bofur.

Bofur patted his arm. “Hush, love, at least he’s working.” He glanced at the table. “Kili, why are you dealing me in? I’m already out.”

Kili grinned mischievously at him. “Oh, no,” he said. “This time, we’re betting for your hat.”

Bofur’s yelp of indignation was enough to put a smile back on Nori’s face. 

“Maybe we should just stop?” Ori said tentatively, seeing the dark look that was passing over Bofur’s face.

“Why are you complaining?” Bofur asked. “You’re still fully dressed!”

“I am not!” Ori said, gesturing to the sweater, scarf, mittens, and shoes that he had discarded. “This is the most undressed I’ve been around any of you in years!”

“We share a dressing room!” Bofur said.

“That’s different.”

Gimli shook his head. “Let’s just play the next round,” he muttered.

*

“Where did he learn to play poker that well?” Kili muttered, finally allowed to put his clothes back on as Gimli left the room.

“Didn’t you know?” Ori asked as he changed into his pajamas. “He’s been running an illegal card ring at his high school for the last two years.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that we do not own "The Dreamcatcher Song" that Tauriel was singing. It's public domain as far as I know.


	8. In which a new enemy is discovered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys learn about a new complication they have to watch for.

_MusicFan1: @DurinSons @MirkwoodPrince @GalLorien OMG! Such a great concert! Luv you guys so much!_  
_GalLorien: @MusicFan1 @DurinSons @MirkwoodPrince Thank you! We had a lot of fun with it!_  
_DurinSons: @MusicFan1 @MirkwoodPrince @GalLorien Always a joy to hear from fans and work with great people!_  
_MirkwoodPrince: @MusicFan1 @DurinSons @GalLorien Great night all around! Glad you liked it!_

_BagEnd: @DurinSons are heading to Orlando! See you in Sunny Florida! :)_  
_FlaGirl999: @DurinSons @BagEnd Can’t wait 2 see u in Orlando! So excite!_  
_BofMatt: @FlaGirl999 @DurinSons @BagEnd Much concert. Such excite. Wow._  
_BagEnd: @FlaGirl999 @DurinSons @BofMatt This is not a good use of memes._  
_FlaGirl999: @DurinSons @BagEnd @BofMatt Haha, that’s a great use of memes!_

_TilBow54: @KiliDurin Ur so cute! <3 <3 #kiligirls4life_  
_KiliDurin: @TilBow54 I know. ;)_  
_BagEnd: @KiliDurin @TilBow54 KILI!_  
_KiliDurin: @TilBow54 @BagEnd: What? It’s true!_

_Sweetness2: @OreScribe Want u on camera more, pls. :-*_  
_NoriScri: (This tweet has been removed)_  
_DoriScriver: @NoriScri @OreScribe @Sweetness2 Nori, delete that now!_  
_NoriScri: @OreScribe @Sweetness2 @DoriScriver Sorry, mom._

_Treeland12: @BofMatt Loved the spread in Fangorn! You’re real pretty!_  
_NoriScri: @Treeland12 @BofMatt HEY! Spread the love!_  
_BofMatt: @Treeland12 @NoriScri Hush, you have your own._  
_Treeland12: @BofMatt @NoriScri Haha, sorry! Love you both!_  
_Badbabe69: @NoriScri @BofMatt @Treeland12 Don’t worry, Nori, I like you best. <3_

_SigBowman16: @FiliDurin Got yoru message, want to know about allergies, pls respond._  
_FiliDurin: @SigBowman16 Oh crap! I’ll send it sometime soon. Sorry. Just followed, so DM me! :)_

_MamaDis: @FiliDurin @KiliDurin @Oakshield Do your laundry and call me sometime!_  
_KiliDurin: @FiliDurin @MamaDis @Oakshield Sorry, mom, little busy. Promise socks are clean, will call tonight_

_Oakshield: @FiliDurin @KiliDurin @OreScribe @NoriScri @BofMatt @BagEnd Get off Twitter and get back to work!_  
_BagEnd: @FiliDurin @KiliDurin @OreScribe @NoriScri @BofMatt @Oakshield I am working!_  
_Oakshield: @BagEnd @FiliDurin @KiliDurin @OreScribe @NoriScri @BofMatt Uploading cat videos is not working!_  
_BagEnd: @FiliDurin @KiliDurin @OreScribe @NoriScri @BofMatt @Oakshield YOU JUST RETWEETED ALL OF THEM!_  
_Favorited by Fili Durin, Kili Durin, Ori Scriver, Nori Scriver, Bofur Mattocks_  
_Oakshield: @FiliDurin @KiliDurin @OreScribe @NoriScri @BofMatt @BagEnd …shut up, Bilbo._

*

Due to a lot of begging, pleading, and general grumbling, the crew got to Orlando several hours earlier than planned. The boys were instantly drawn to the beach and with the promise they wouldn’t wander off, Thorin allowed them to go.

Ori had gone for the video camera, but Nori took it from him. “You saw Twitter this morning,” he said. “You’re going on camera this time!”

Ori looked self-consciously down at himself in a swimsuit. “They might not think I’m cute if I do,” he mumbled.

His brother laughed. “Go on, you have fun!” he said. “They love you!”

Before Ori could object, he found himself swept up in someone’s arms from behind. He yelped and looked back to see it was Fili lifting him from behind. Fili grinned over Ori’s shoulders as Kili ran up and grabbed his legs and together, the two of them somehow managed to carry Ori to the water, Nori following with the camera. They all laughed as Fili and Kili dragged Ori into the ocean as a wave hit, soaking all three of them instantly.

Ori coughed and sputtered, but even he was laughing as they emerged.

“FILI! KILI!” The camera turned on Dori, stomping down, still fully clothed and looking extremely angry. “Be careful! You could have dropped him! Or drowned him!”

“Aww, he’s fine!” Fili said carelessly.

“Salt water isn’t good for him!” Dori continued, pulling off his own jacket and wrapping it around Ori. “All sorts of nasty things in there!”

Fili and Kili rolled their eyes expressively as Ori wriggled out of his brother’s grasp. “I’m fine, Dori, really,” he protested. “I’m not going to die from a bit of water!”

Dori looked ready to start scolding again, but Fili and Kili had had enough. Wordless, they moved to the same positions as before, but at the first grasp of wet, grubby hands, Dori turned, grabbed Fili’s wrist, and neatly flipped the boy over his shoulder and into the sand. Fili lay there in shock as his brother received the same treatment, landing next to him, his head by Fili’s feet.

Dori looked straight into the camera. “And that’s why I’m on their security team,” he said, and then walked back up the beach to rejoin Bifur and Dwalin.

Nori turned the camera back downwards to focus on Fili and Kili. “You guys okay?” he asked with genuine concern.

“Fine,” Fili said. “He didn’t flip us too hard.” He turned his head and grinned. “You okay, Ki?”

“There’s SAND in my HAIR!” Kili whined.

*

It didn’t take long to wash the sand out of Kili’s hair in the ocean, of course, so Nori instead turned the camera on the landscape—or rather, on everyone else on the beach, a few of whom seemed to recognize them, but a glare from the security was enough to keep them away.

“Ah, aren’t they beautiful?” Nori whispered in a mock-Australian accent. “The tourist is an abundant species and quite friendly, too! Let’s see if we can get a closer look!” He zoomed the camera in on a few of the least attractive people he could find, both of whom waved cheerfully once they noticed him. “Absolutely stunning!”

He then turned the camera on Bofur, who had watched the earlier hijinx with just a touch of amusement. “And here we have the great Bofurus Mattockus! Not native to these parts and extremely rare otherwise, but so lovely!” Bofur grinned and blew a kiss at the camera.

Nori took another sweep of the beach and finally spotted what he’d suspected for some days now in the form of an especially pale man, trying to look casual as he wandered down the beach snapping pictures that always seemed to be focused on at least one of the boys. “And there we have it!” he said. “The rarest, shyest, and most dangerous creature of them all—the paparazzo, stalking its prey!” Bofur looked up, alarmed, and Nori nodded toward the man. “Now let’s be real quiet and not disturb it! They’re known for having a nasty temper!”

“Um,” Bofur said, standing up and whispering in Nori’s ear. “Maybe we should, you know, alert the guards and run before we do something really embarrassing.”

Nori paused the camera and looked at Bofur in confusion. “I didn’t know you could be embarrassed,” he teased lightly.

Bofur grinned. “Of course not,” he said. “But I want to save that for the vlogs.” He turned and gave a special whistle they had all used since childhood, which immediately brought Fili, Kili, and Ori back from their splash fight. “Paparazzo at five o’clock,” he muttered, nodding discretely.

“Standard procedure?” Fili asked, smirking a bit.

“Yep,” Bofur said. “Flip him off in any picture you notice and try to get some sand and/or water in that camera.”

“Which one is that?” Ori asked, trying to get a good look without seeming obvious. 

“Don’t know his name,” Nori answered. “I think most of his pictures show up in _The Defiler_ , though…he’s the one who always manages to get the worst angles to make everything we do look wrong.”

“Right,” Kili said. “Split up on three…Nori, keep that camera running; if nothing else, our fans will see him and break his camera at the concert tonight.”

“One,” Fili muttered.

“Two,” Kili whispered.

“THREE!” they said together, and all five boys took off, running as fast as they could over the sand, Nori moving back towards security and filming them.

Dori looked at him. “What’s set them off?” he asked.

“Paparazzi,” Nori said, pointing out the photographer who was trying to keep up with all four of the others—the photographer didn’t dare aim a camera anywhere near Dwalin or Bifur.

Dwalin sighed. “Do you want me to go have a word?” he asked, cracking his knuckles.

“Nah,” Nori said. “What he has isn’t too harmful—I mean, we’re filming it. But he works on _The Defiler_ and you know how they love to twist things up.”

Dori already had his phone out and was firing off what seemed to be an entire novel’s worth of text messages. “Bilbo should know, anyway,” he said, finally hitting the send button. “Just in case…I mean, I know nobody really trusts that rag, but it should still be controlled.”

“Yeah,” Nori agreed, filming an absolutely spectacular maneuver between Kili and Fili that involved six beach umbrellas, some kid’s sand bucket, and three hair ties.

Dori glanced at his brother. “And why are you filming back here and letting Ori run around and get excited?”

Nori glared at Dori. “Because I already had the camera,” he explained. “And Ori can run faster than I can.”

Dori sighed, but didn’t say more because Kili came trotting over. “Hey, do you have a Sharpie?” he asked.

Bifur produced one immediately, being all too used to carrying several different writing implements, both for himself and for the endless autograph lines he would stand next to. He signed out a brief question.

“Oh, that kid we borrowed the sand bucket from said we could only use it if we signed it afterwards. I’ll bring this right back!” He dashed back down the beach to a tiny girl with bright copper curls, who looked like she would faint at any second. Nori laughed and even Dori’s expression softened for the barest moment.

*

Lindir leaned against a wall backstage, talking to Legolas and Tauriel about some of the rearrangements they were making for the concert that night, when a flash of red caught his eye. He turned his head and spotted the equipment manager from Durin’s Sons nearby, watching them.

The other two didn’t seem to notice, being too busy arguing over what they could reasonably change without Thranduil pitching a fit. Lindir frowned, but then shook it off. The boy couldn’t be too old—just another teenager with a minor crush on Tauriel. It was fairly common.

He turned back to the others, but he could still feel eyes on them. He glanced back at the boy again, feeling distinctly annoyed, but then he followed the line of sight and realized it wasn’t Tauriel who was being watched.

Lindir grinned to himself and turned to Legolas. “Looks like you have a fan,” he said quietly, nodding as discretely as possible.

Legolas glanced over and smiled at the boy, who immediately turned red and took off, trying to look important and dignified and failing at it. Legolas chuckled.

“Think he’s got a crush on you, Leggy,” Tauriel teased.

“And I think he’s seventeen, so it doesn’t really matter,” Legolas retorted. “Besides, I spotted him talking to Galadriel the other day and trust me, he was blushing twice as much.”

“Must just have a thing for tall, graceful blonds,” Lindir said, before they returned to the subject at hand.

*

“Battle report?” Bilbo asked, his eyes twinkling as he took in the sweaty, sandy, and very wet boys.

“Bit of roughhousing, one paparazzo, a dozen amused tourists and one hell of a vlog,” Dwalin answered, his lips twitching. “All things considered, I’d say it was one of our more successful outings.”

“Paparazzo get anything I should worry about?” Bilbo asked.

“Not really,” Fili said. “And we might have accidentally kicked a lot of sand into the camera lens…don’t know if it got through to damage the inner-workings, but we couldn’t quite get him into the water.”

“Let’s hope he doesn’t sue,” Dori muttered. 

 

“He’s been following us since Richmond,” Nori said. “I think we’re well in our rights to accidentally do minor damage to a camera.”

Bilbo, Dori, Dwalin, and Bifur all looked at him in alarm. “Since Richmond?” Bilbo repeated, pulling out his phone. “Why didn’t you say something before?”

“Wasn’t sure it was the same guy,” Nori said. “Never really got a good look at him until now. I’ve seen him around the maggot mob before, but starting in Richmond, I started seeing him other places, too. Thought it was coincidence until today.”

Bilbo’s forehead creased as he started tapping something into his phone. “Know who he works for?” he asked.

“ _The Defiler_ , mostly,” Nori said. “Think he’s shown up in _Uruk-Hai_ on occasion as well. Tabloid rags.”

“Right,” Bilbo muttered, typing something then scrolling through. “This might take a while…but you could definitely identify him?”

“Definitely,” Nori said. “You don’t easily forget a face like that.”

Bilbo was silent for several minutes as he typed at his phone, but he finally turned it around. “This one?” he asked.

Nori took the phone and looked at the picture. “Yeah,” he said. “That one.” He glanced at the name. “Azog Orquite…huh.”

“Always nice to have a name with a face,” Kili said. “Especially when they match.” He eyed the bald, pale man with distaste.

“I’ll put the crew on alert,” Dwalin said, already writing out a message. “You might want to tell Thorin about this yourself, though.”

Bilbo groaned. “Why do I have to tell him there’s some weird pasty guy stalking us?”

“Because you’re sleeping with him?” Fili suggested innocently.

Bilbo shook his head. “Really?” he said. “Just because I’m the only one who will tolerate his weird brooding states doesn’t mean we’re sleeping together!”

“Oh, you aren’t?” Bofur asked. “But we thought you’d be his type exactly!”

“No,” Bilbo said firmly with a slight smirk on his face. “If you must know, I’m sleeping with Thranduil but I stay with Thorin to throw off suspicion.”

Bilbo wasn’t sure if the shouts were from amusement or indignation or both. Either way, it was worth it.

*

_If I was just a boy then,_   
_Trying to be a man,_   
_What does that make me now?_   
_I still can’t take care of them,_   
_When I can barely stand_   
_With no one to show me how._   
_But I’ll just keep wandering forward,_   
_Cause there has to be a way._   
_Yeah, I’ll just keep wandering forward,_   
_Into a brighter day._   
_I don’t know where I’m going,_   
_Cause I don’t know where you are,_   
_I’m still lost but I’m not angry,_   
_And at least I’m wandering forward._

Thorin leaned back in his chair, listening to his nephew’s music, remembering him as he was back then, a wiry teen with arms and legs too long for his body, with a voice that cracked through every sentence, eyes burning with anger yet begging for comfort, golden hair always in disarray even as he braided his younger brother’s before school. How could he not see Fili like that? And seeing Fili like that, how could he not protect him?

Maybe he was too harsh. Maybe Fili would be just fine with the guidance of others and the responsibility of Kili…but no. Kili was an adult as well, the heartthrob of young girls everywhere, all long hair and stubble and smoldering glances, and wasn’t that disturbing, that the small boy clinging to his mother and pretending to comfort her instead of the other way around had turned into what amounted to a very talented pin-up boy?

But he would keep them safe, and as happy as he could. He wasn’t going to let them be ruined. Not by the fame, not by the press. And though he would certainly never tell Gandalf, he was intensely grateful that he had help with that.

And if this Azog Orquite continued stalking them, well, Thorin would be ready for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies if any of the Twitter handles at the beginning are real.


	9. In which the band returns to Miami

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The band arrives in Miami. There is a lot of reflection.

**Review: The Reclamation Tour**

**Aragorn Arathorn, Rivendell Press**

**Well, lovely readers, I finally made it to the Reclamation Tour in Orlando, and let me say this—HELL YES! I have been waiting to hear these three bands live for quite a while, and it was just as spectacular as I’d imagined.**

**The concert started with Durin’s Sons, and their energy was incredible. No one can get a crowd going quite like those boys, and that energy carried through the entire show. It was gratifying to hear the full five-minute plus concert edition of “Tinkering,” to the point where I felt it was criminal that it was cut down for the album. The band also pulled out a new song tonight that they called “We’re F***ing Lost, Give Balin the Map,” a sweet little satire of their manager that sounded more improvised than anything, but was still a lot of fun to listen to.**

**Next up were Princes of Mirkwood, who gave a reasonable performance. They didn’t seem quite as energetic as Durin’s Sons, but their music was pristine and polished. I was a bit disappointed that only two of Tauriel’s solo songs made it onto the set list, though I’ll gladly take any chance to hear her sing “The Dreamcatcher.” No stunning improvisations, though at one point, the sound system got so loud that I swear I heard a few alternate lyrics to “They’re Taking the Children,” but I can’t really be sure. (Hopefully I’ll be able to hear the concert recordings later—those lyrics have to be better than the originals!)**

**And then there was Galadriel. Need I say more? While I said her new album is a symphony that couldn’t possibly be taken apart, she proved me wrong, playing her old and new songs in an order I never would have chosen and still making it all sound like a masterpiece. I can’t tell you how many people started crying at the end, when she played “Few Remember” completely acoustic, no back up, just her, her piano, and a microphone. If you loved it before, you’ll love the stripped down version.**

**All in all, it’s a very good concert, and if you don’t have tickets yet, get them!**

*

Gimli loved working backstage. No, really, he did. It was a job that required a few hours of hard labor, then a lot more of just finding a quiet corner to curl up and read his book in. Being paid at the union rate didn’t hurt, either.

He had just settled into the quietest corner of the backstage area with his college prep books when a shadow fell over him. Gimli looked up and groaned inwardly when he recognized Legolas Greenleaf. “Did you need something?” Gimli asked politely.

“Just to get away from my dad,” Legolas muttered, sliding down the wall to sit next to Gimli. “I mean…I love him, and I respect him, and I appreciate everything he’s done for me, but he’s a little…”

“Overbearing?” Gimli supplied.

“Yeah,” Legolas said. “And way too stuck-up about everything.”

Gimli couldn’t argue with him. He’d never met Thranduil personally, but he’d heard Thorin talk about him enough.

“I mean, fuck’s sake, I didn’t want to be a super-star!” Legolas burst out. “I just wanted to make good music with my friends, but my dad always has to take it a step too far and make everything into a major production! But no, we’re Greenleaves, and that means we have to always be the center of attention, even if it’s hurting everyone else!” He broke off, looking shocked at himself.

Gimli nodded. “I get that,” he said. “My dad’s the same. Nothing I do is ever good enough…always have to be the best…always have that pressure to work harder…”

“Suffocating you,” Legolas supplied. “And you never wanted any of it…you don’t even love the thing you were trying to do anymore.” He shook his head suddenly. “Sorry. You probably don’t want to hear about any of it. I mean, who likes that guy who complains about being famous and successful?”

“I grew up with that guy,” Gimli pointed out. “Well…maybe not as successful anymore, but…”

“Right,” Legolas said. “I forgot…Thorin’s your…cousin?”

“For lack of a better word,” Gimli said. “But I still grew up with him around. Trust me, you don’t sound whiny at all.”

Legolas sighed. “I shouldn’t complain, though,” he said. “It could be worse.”

Gimli shrugged. They sat in silence for a moment before Gimli passed Legolas one of his textbooks. “Here,” he said. “If you want to start over.”

Legolas looked a bit surprised, but took the book and started reading.

*

Bifur hated Miami.

Of course Bifur hated Miami—taking an axe to the head was not likely to form good memories—but here they were, back in this accursed place, and Bifur was more agitated than usual.

His cousins noticed, of course. His dear little cousins, who could always read his moods better than anyone else. Bifur noted that either Bofur or Bombur was always beside him with a comforting word and a reassuring pat to the shoulder.

Bofur was tense as well. Bifur knew that his cousin had always felt immense guilt over his injury, even though Bifur had assured him that it wasn’t his fault, that he was doing his job and was glad to do it, that the madman with the axe was the one to blame. Bofur didn’t seem to believe him.

More than the memories, it pained Bifur to watch Bofur be unhappy for even a second, not when he’d always been so cheerful. Bifur remembered Bofur, a cheerful child, first off the boat into America (figuratively speaking) with a smile on his face, eager to explore this brave new world. He could still see a dark-haired child, dashing down the street with a chubby red-haired toddler trying desperately to keep up, laughing at the pranks he would play on his mother and aunt, getting into mischief with the other boys in the neighborhood. Most of that cheeriness had carried over to adulthood, but enough tragedy had overtaken his still short life that Bifur would sometimes see a flicker of sadness on Bofur’s face, a flicker that, no matter how brief, never failed to break Bifur’s heart.

And Bombur...Bombur, who was almost as cheerful, who was smart and caring and efficient, who made sure that everyone on the tour was well-taken care of…Bifur could see it in him as well, when he looked at the long scar and white streak of Bifur’s hair, when he saw Bofur’s smile falter, whenever Bombur got that far away look in his eye that meant he was remembering his mother, God rest her soul. Dis Durin was a good mother to everyone, and Bifur’s own mother was still alive and doted on her nephews, but it didn’t lift the sting.

Bifur shook himself out of his reverie. He had a job to do, after all, even though Dwalin said that it would be perfectly all right to take their time in Miami off. But no, Bifur couldn’t leave the boys’ sides for too long, memories or no memories. He needed to ensure his cousins were safe, and happy, and even his head aching more than usual wouldn’t stop him from that.

*

“Hi, ma,” Kili said. “It’s me.”

“About time!” Dis cried. “You promised to call last night!”

“Sorry,” Kili said. “We had a bit of a crisis with the PR.”

“Ah, that would do it,” Dis admitted. “Are you all okay? Eating enough? Sleeping adequately? Not annoying your uncle?”

“Yes, yes, mostly, trying,” Kili answered smoothly. “Though Bilbo manages to keep us out of trouble…mostly.”

“Really?” Dis laughed. “Well, then he’s a stronger man than your uncle…do bring him up to the house when you arrive.”

“Oh, we will,” Kili assured her. “I don’t think he’s legally allowed to be away from us for more than eight hours at a time.”

“Good,” Dis said. “Lord knows someone has to do my job while you’re on the road.”

“He does it well,” Kili said with a smile. “I promise we’ll return home safe.”

“Good,” Dis said. “Now get on with you. I’m sure you have plenty to do.”

“Yeah. Bye, Ma. Love you.”

“Love you, too, Kili, and send my love to all the boys.”

Kili hung up the phone, smiling to himself as he wandered out of the dressing room and into the very busy backstage area.

“Someone looks happy,” a voice behind him commented. Kili turned and spotted Tauriel.

“Just talked to my mom,” he said simply. “She’s always good for making people happy.”

Tauriel smiled back. “That’s a good skill to have,” she said. 

“And one that I’ve tried hard to master with limited success,” Kili said.

“I think you do it well enough,” Tauriel said. She sat down on the floor in a corner and started tuning her guitar.

Kili sat down next to her with his notebook. “Play me something?” he asked. “Anything…anything to get my brain going again.”

She raised her eyebrows. “Do your fellows not provide enough music?”

“Their music is good, but none of it fits what I’m working on,” he said. “I need new inspiration.”

“Well,” Tauriel said carefully. “I have a melody in my head but no words to go with it.”

“So does my brother,” Kili said. “But it doesn’t fit my words this time.”

“Maybe this will.” Tauriel finished tuning and began to play. Kili listened, making notes here and there, and soon began to sing softly to her melody.

_Trinkets of my childhood,_  
_Silver in my hair,_  
_Dances over dew-wet grass,_  
_Your kind and loving care._  
_And so I make a promise,_  
_To come walking home,_  
_A promise in the starlight,_  
_To return to what I know._

Tauriel played a break, thinking, then her voice rose up, taking over the melody.

_Stars shine pale above us,_  
_Their light is deep and high,_  
_The moon is watching over them,_  
_The wind will add its cry._  
_And so I make a promise,_  
_To hold you in my soul,_  
_A promise in the starlight,_  
_To keep this friendship whole._

*

If anyone ever said Bombur Mattocks was too young to be the road manager for a major rock band, it was only because they had never seen him in action.

It had always been natural for him to look after other people, in spite of being one of the youngest among the little group of boys from their neighborhood. Or perhaps because of it, because Bombur always wanted to make himself useful to them. Fili was the leader, of course, in spite of being younger than Nori or Bofur, because he had the cool uncle and the mom with the best cookies. Kili was his second-in-command, for about the same reasons. Nori was the one to write codes and get information, his puppy-eyes able to draw responses from even the hardest of hearts, and Bofur was usually the one to come up with their most outlandish plans and actually pull them off. Ori and Gimli, when they came along, usually tagged along to do grunt work, and Bombur…well, Bombur quickly learned to do other things.

Details were his specialty. Whenever a plot was elaborate enough that Bofur would hesitate, Bombur would get right into it and organize it neatly. Whenever their mothers caught them, Bombur would wait for Fili’s babbled excuses and then provide the embellishments to make them believable. And when they were all exhausted and upset after a long day that resulted in being sent to bed with no dessert, Bombur would be the one to quickly organize something, usually the sweets he hoarded in his room. 

He had always taken care of them, and once he’d earned his degree in event management, it was only natural that Thorin would hire him on. Bombur had never once failed to provide for Durin’s Sons, and he was very proud of his work.

But providing for the boys when Bifur was obviously suffering? Well, that was a bit harder. Sure, he had made all the arrangements well in advance, but it was still his job to check to see that they were all properly done, and he didn’t want to be away from his cousin for too long, especially since he really should leave first thing in the morning to fly ahead to Birmingham and ensure all the arrangements were made there. 

Bombur sighed. He wished that they didn’t have to be in the place that brought his family so much distress.

*

Ori tapped incessantly on the table, writing a beat to Fili’s annoying, unending melody. It was still unfinished, of course, but Ori always felt better when contributing rather than just listening.

Fili frowned and hummed again, changing a note. He nodded then resumed, Ori’s tapping picking up speed. Fili unconsciously sped up to meet him, his fingers beginning to tap as well. Ori began to hum with him, writing a harmony right there on the spot. Fili nodded, his eyes closed the whole time as though he were barely aware that Ori was there at all.

Suddenly, words popped into Ori’s head—words Fili first shouted in glee weeks ago.

_That’s what Bilbo Baggins hates!_

Ori’s finger-tapping became more intricate, even as Fili continued to hum the melody, his hands itching for a guitar that was across the room in its case. Ori wished for his notebook, so he could write down whatever was about to happen, but he knew he couldn’t interrupt this moment or else Fili would lose whatever they were accomplishing.

Slowly, Ori started forming words, just a line.

_Make him run, make him sweat._

Fili murmured the next words effortlessly.

_Flirt with fangirls and make him fret,_

Ori nodded and gave the next line.

_Steal his records and make him late._

Their eyes met and they grinned at each other as they both sang,

_That’s what Bilbo Baggins hates!_

*

Bofur had always held a very simple philosophy—why cry when you could laugh instead?

It was, to be sure, a very Irish philosophy, and he had formed it when he was just four years old, before his family had left for America. But even on those strange shores, it served him well. After all, it didn’t matter that he was the new kid with the weird accent when he could make people laugh, and the skill made up for a lot of other deficiencies.

So Bofur had gone through life with a merry air, with a joke and a laugh for every situation, making people laugh, but most of all, laughing at himself and getting his friends and brother into a lot of trouble. Not that anyone minded—Bofur had once heard Dis Durin tell Mrs. Farin, “I want to be angry with him, because he’s such a bad influence on Fili and Kili, but then he gives me those big puppy eyes and those sweet little dimples and what can I do but wrap him up and feed him?” Mrs. Farin had given a long-suffering sigh and agreed.

But as Bofur grew older, tragedy after tragedy came down on their little family—and Bofur did consider the entire crew his family, even though he wasn’t related to them by blood. First, Fili and Kili’s dad was killed in the war, then Nori and Ori’s parents both died in a car crash, then Bofur’s own mother drifted away from early-onset dementia. It was hard to keep smiling through all of those things, but he had managed to keep his chin up, to distract the other children from their grief.

Then they went to Miami.

Bofur knew it wasn’t his fault. He knew that if Bifur hadn’t jumped in, he would have died. He knew that the injury his cousin sustained was far better than it could have been.

But it still hurt every time Bifur looked at him with clear eyes and signed with his hands, unable to speak. Oh, Bofur knew some Gaelic—his parents and aunt were too proud to allow him not to—but it wasn’t enough for effective communication. And it pained him to know that he was the reason for it, even if he wasn’t to blame.

Grief, Bofur could face as well as anyone. Guilt, though…guilt was something he couldn’t deal with.

“Penny for your thoughts, love?”

Bofur smiled up at Nori. They had found a rare moment where the dressing room was empty and they could be alone, which Nori took to mean he was allowed to play with his boyfriend’s hair to his heart’s content before the makeup girls came in to yell at him about it.

“Just thinking,” Bofur said. “Well…remembering.”

“I see.” Nori was quiet for a moment. “You can’t keep blaming yourself, you know.”

“I know,” Bofur said. “I’ve been told by everyone. Doesn’t mean I don’t, though.”

Nori’s fingers ran through his hair gently. “When I saw him come at you,” he said haltingly. “I was ready to rush over there myself…I was so scared…so, so scared that I would lose you before I could tell you how I felt.”

Bofur sighed. “I didn’t even see him coming,” he admitted. “I was so focused on the music…and the next thing I knew, my keyboard was suddenly an executioner’s block.”

“For an execution that didn’t happen,” Nori reminded him. “We all made it…we’re all safe.”

“I wish we didn’t have to be back here,” Bofur muttered. “Even if we’re in a much nicer part of town.”

“Relax,” Nori said. “We’re only here for one day and we’ll be on the road again come morning.”

“Right,” Bofur said. He leaned back into Nori’s embrace and started humming to himself.

*

All in all, it was a relief for everyone when the show was over and they were able to leave. To everyone’s surprise, Bombur had not gone on ahead. When asked, he shrugged and said the hotel would still be there in six hours. They were less surprised when he volunteered to ride with the boys, on the pretense of giving Bilbo a break from them.

Bombur sat with his brother and his cousin at the back of the bus. The others took the hint and left them alone. Ori and Fili were eager to share their new song with their brothers, so they all gathered at the front and Fili took out his guitar, with Ori using his drumsticks to pound out a beat on arm of his seat. Kili and Nori were howling with laughter as they sang the details of how they tormented their dear PR manager, and it was enough of a distraction that Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur could talk undisturbed.

“How are you doing, Bif?” Bombur asked quietly.

Bifur shrugged and signed to them, _I’m okay. Just a bit…reflective._

“Is your head hurting at all?” Bofur asked him.

_A little, but it will be all right._ Bifur smiled reassuringly at his cousin.

“I’m sorry,” Bofur whispered.

Bifur laid his hand on his cousin’s knee and gave him a look that Bofur was all too familiar with. Bombur pulled them both into a hug and they stayed that way for hours. They didn’t need to talk. They never needed the words Bifur had lost to understand.


	10. In which the boys have a night off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gandalf takes the musicians out for a night. It goes about as well as expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter contains some very mild dubcon kissing.

**Night on the Town for Reclamation Tour**

**Azog Orquite, The Defiler**

**Last night, Austin got a bit of a treat. The members of Durin’s Sons, along with the Princes of Mirkwood and Galadriel Lorien, were spotted in a downtown bar, where a night of partying took place.**

**(Photo cutline: “Tauriel Sylvan and Galadriel Lorien appear to be a little more than ‘best friends.’”)**

**Concerns from parents and fans alike are sure to be stirred by reports that Fili Durin is apparently following in the footsteps of uncle and manager Thorin Oakenshield, and that the rest of the band don’t seem to take their music too seriously.**

**(Photo cutline: “Fili Durin celebrates the opening of the tour with his favorite pastime.”)**

**And of course, there’s the usual jealousy that comes into play. No word yet as to whether it was Legolas Greenleaf or Kili Durin who got to accompany the girls back to the hotel, but both were so clearly enamored that the concern was they would come to blows.**

**(Photo Cutline: “Legolas Greenleaf and Kili Durin face down after getting a bit of a show from mutual flame Tauriel Sylvan.”)**

**Hopefully this behavior doesn’t extend to the concerts, because those tickets are awfully expensive. Parents, think about what you’re buying!**

*

Thorin stomped into the hotel room where the boys were having breakfast and dropped a phone on the table. “Explain,” he said in a voice that indicated someone was about to get yelled at or possibly murdered.

Ori, who was the most functional of them, leaned over and looked. “Oh,” he said. “Um…” He glanced at the others, begging for backup.

“It’s probably only half-true,” Fili muttered. He had laid his head on the table and looked like he wanted to die.

Thorin did not look impressed. “Explain. Now.” Ori flinched, noticing the vein in Thorin’s forehead was already throbbing.

“Well, you see,” Ori said, looking desperately to Bofur, who was usually the best at talking them out of trouble.

“It was Mr. Grey’s fault!” Bofur blurted out.

Thorin glared even harder before he looked to Ori. “The rest of you shut up,” he said. “Ori Rollins Scriver, you are going to tell me what happened right now, or God help me, I will call Dori and you can explain it to him!”

Ori swallowed heavily and began his story.

*

It all started when Gandalf Grey had shown up at the hotel.

The last week and a half had gone by in relative peace, with no funny business, and they reached Austin without incident. Oh, the usual teasing had gone on, but no real shenanigans. To all appearances, the boys had been on their best behavior.

Then Gandalf had been waiting for them when they arrived. He had greeted everyone on the tour cordially, even embracing Galadriel as though she were his own wife, and asked if he might chat with all the musicians later. Thorin and Thranduil had looked rather weary at the request, but they couldn’t give a good reason to refuse.

None of the musicians had expected what Gandalf told them when they gathered in the hotel restaurant for lunch together.

“We’re going out tonight!” Gandalf had announced, beaming at all of them.

“Of course,” Galadriel said with a laugh. “In disguise or not?”

“Up to you, my dear,” Gandalf said. “We’re going to a bar I know, and we have the back room, so it shouldn’t matter.”

The rest looked fairly nonplussed. “Um, you know we’re not supposed to go anywhere, right?” Ori said tentatively.

“Neither are we,” Tauriel grumbled. “Thranduil wants us to keep our image clean.”

Gandalf made a scoffing noise. “I’m the vice-president,” he said. “Which means I outrank all your handlers. Especially if you don’t mention this to them.”

“So how are we supposed to get out?” Lindir asked. “They keep a pretty close eye on us.”

Bofur leaned back, looking thoughtful. “It’s actually not that hard to sneak out of a hotel room,” he mused. “I mean, it’s mostly a matter of looking normal and not drawing attention to yourself.”

“Don’t tell me you’re actually thinking of going!” Ori yelped.

“Come on, Ori,” Nori said. “We’ve seen nothing but hotels, concert venues, and the tour bus for a week! We should be able to go out and live a little!”

“Dori will flay us alive!” Ori squeaked. “And I’m not old enough to get into bars!”

“Right,” Bofur said. “Which is why you’re going to keep Dori occupied tonight while we slip out!”

“And Thranduil if you can swing it,” Tauriel said, shooting a glance at Kili.

“Shouldn’t be too hard,” Kili said. “All you have to do is get them arguing with each other.”

“About what?” Legolas asked. “I don’t think this person was involved in Erebor, was he?”

“He was very young when Erebor happened,” Nori said. “But he grew up with Thorin around, he heard plenty about it. I’m sure if we could set off a debate between them, they’ll go at it for hours.”

“Right, that takes care of two of our handlers,” Tauriel said. “What about the other dozen?”

Lindir and Ori exchanged aghast looks. “Look, Mr. Grey, wouldn’t it be best to just ask permission?” Lindir asked.

“And what would be the fun in that?” Galadriel asked. “Come on, you’re all rock stars! You deserve to act like it!”

“And if we ask, it won’t happen,” Gandalf added. “As I recall, Thorin expressly forbade any sort of wild partying for this tour.”

“As did Thranduil,” Tauriel said. “But if you don’t want to go, Lindir, you can stay here and help be a distraction.”

“Really, we only need to keep Dori occupied,” Fili said. “Thorin will be up in his room brooding with or possibly fucking Bilbo, and Dwalin and Bifur will let us go if we ask really nicely…if they’re following at a distance.”

“I can live with that,” Gandalf said. “I wouldn’t be opposed to them coming.”

“Our bodyguards are fairly chill,” Legolas said. “If we said we were invited somewhere, they’d probably help keep my dad busy so we could go.”

“I would like young Ori to come with us,” Gandalf said. “If you can slip out after distracting your brother.”

“Or you could ask Gimli to do it,” Galadriel said. “He seems like an accommodating sort.”

“Gimli wants to keep his job,” Nori said. “He fought tooth and nail just to come on this tour, he’s not going to jeopardize it by being a willing party to this.”

“Honestly, we just have to convince Dori to take the night off,” Kili said. “I’m sure it won’t be hard to get Dwalin and Bifur to just say they’re taking the shift tonight.”

“If I’m going anywhere, Dori will insist on going,” Ori said.

“You’re with me!” Nori protested.

No one was impressed by that statement, but in the end, they had enough of a plan to slip out of the hotel.

*

“So you got out,” Thoin repeated, rubbing at his temples. “And went to a bar with Gandalf and the rest of the tour.”

Ori shifted uncomfortably. “Bifur and Dwalin were with us,” he mumbled. “It’s not like we were in any real danger.”

Thorin sighed in frustration. “Not sure if I should fire them or offer a raise for at least keeping an eye on you.”

“Give them a raise,” Nori muttered. “If they hadn’t gone, we would have just snuck out anyway.”

Thorin glared before he said, calmly, “Continue, please, Ori.”

*

In the end, it was easy. Bifur could never say no to any of the boys, and even Dwalin had to give in when Ori turned his puppy eyes on the bigger man. What could Dwalin say? Ori had always been the almost-youngest and cutest of the group, and after losing his parents, only Thorin and Dori could deny the boy anything.

So late that night, after everyone else retired to sleep, Dwalin and Bifur let the boys head downstairs, following at a casual distance. The boys headed out to the street, where they met up with Gandalf, who had Galadriel on his arm, and the Princes of Mirkwood. Lindir looked distinctly uncomfortable and even Legolas seemed nervous, but Tauriel was perfectly calm, smiling at the boys as they approached. “Anyone notice?” she asked quietly.

Kili shook his head. “Dwalin and Bifur are following us, but they promise not to interfere unless it looks like someone’s actually going to kill us.”

“Does that happen often?” she asked, falling into step beside him as the group set out.

“More often than you’d think,” Kili confirmed, looking up at her, still unused to the fact that she was four inches taller than him, and tonight her heels raised her another two inches. “Not as much now that we’re actually famous, but we had some close calls back when we got started.”

Tauriel shook her head. “Worst I’ve gotten is trolls on the internet,” she admitted. “Though I joined later on, after the record deal was signed.”

Behind them, Legolas’s brow creased. Lindir noticed.

“You could just tell her, you know,” Lindir muttered lowly.

“Tell her what?” Legolas asked. “She’s made it really clear that I’m just her friend.”

“So you’re just going to watch her flirt with Durin up there?”

“She’s not flirting,” Legolas hissed. “They’re just talking. You know, like normal people.”

Lindir shook his head. “Keep telling yourself that, buddy.”

Up ahead, Nori and Bofur were walking side-by-side silently. Their hands kept brushing against each other and Nori had to work very, very hard to not just grab Bofur’s hand like he was used to. Not in front of the Princes of Mirkwood.

“They probably won’t care,” Bofur muttered.

“You never know,” Nori whispered back. “They might just love the excuse to go to the press and spill the whole thing.”

“Why would they?” Bofur asked. “I don’t think they’ve got anything against us personally.”

“Yeah, but Orquite could be around,” Nori said. “And I can’t rely on Dwalin and Bifur to spot him.”

Bofur glanced around. “I don’t see him,” he said. “And it’d be hard to miss a guy like him.”

“Still,” Nori said. “Don’t want to give the opportunity.”

Bofur nodded and both slid their hands into their jacket pockets to remove temptation.

Ori kept glancing around nervously, as though afraid that Dori would suddenly appear to scold them and haul them all back to the hotel.

“Relax,” Fili said. “No one’s going to even think to look for us until morning, by which point we’ll be back and asleep.”

“We really shouldn’t be doing this,” Ori hissed.

“We’re just taking a well-deserved break,” Fili said. “We’ll be fine.” He threw a friendly arm around Ori’s shoulders. “Now just loosen up a little. We’ll be fine.”

Ori sighed, but lapsed into silence.

Galadriel glanced back at the others. “I think they’re doing well,” she said conversationally to Gandalf. She was on his arm, still looking positively queenly.

“Oh, indeed,” Gandalf agreed. “They all just need some time to bond. I’m very pleased that Kili and Tauriel are getting along, at least.”

“So what’s the end-goal?” she whispered with a sly grin.

“What do you think?” Gandalf asked, returning the smile. “To bring a reconciliation…a reclamation, if you will.”

Galadriel’s laughter was heard all the way from the back.

*

Bilbo came in a few minutes into Ori’s tale, carrying a pot of coffee in one hand and his phone in the other, typing one-handed better than Thorin could with full use of both. “Well, you didn’t screw up too badly,” Bilbo announced as everyone looked at him.

“Oh, good,” Kili groaned, then flinched as his mouth opened too wide and a cut on his bottom lip started bleeding. “I’m glad to know that Mr. Perfect PR Manager can still fix all this without Uncle killing us.”

Bilbo gave him a severe look. “Lucky for you, it’s just the Defiler,” he said. “If it was someone more important, I might have a harder time. As it is, I can quickly spin this as something positive as long as everyone sobers up and cooperates.” He put his phone in his pocket and started pouring the coffee. “Drink this, it will help.”

There was a lot of grumbling, but the boys obeyed. Thorin shot Bilbo a swift, grateful look before he turned back to Ori. “Continue, please,” Thorin said.

“Right,” Ori said. “So we got to this club that Mr. Grey likes…”

*

Ori was shocked when the doorman didn’t ID him, but he supposed being a celebrity had its perks. The doorman did give Gandalf a look that clearly conveyed that Ori was to be taken care of, but Gandalf waved him off and they were all allowed in.

Gandalf took them to a private room and ordered them all drinks—Coke for Ori to “keep at least one person sober,” though Ori knew that it was so Gandalf wouldn’t get in even more trouble for giving a minor alcohol.

Though having someone sober was probably going to be necessary once Fili was handed a glass. Especially someone who had witnessed more of Fili’s drunken late-night failings than anyone should.

It had actually started fairly well. Everyone could finally relax without the pressure of cameras or managers or music on them, and they could all just talk. Kili and Tauriel were already striking up quite a strong friendship, and then Nori asked Legolas a question about his bass keys and that got Legolas drawn into a conversation with Nori and Bofur, and no one was arguing or insulting anyone else.

Ori curled into a corner by himself with his bottle of soda and just listened for a moment before a shadow fell over him. Ori looked up, startled, and saw Lindir Rivers next to him.

“Hi,” Lindir said. “Mind if I join you?”

“Not at all,” Ori said. “Though I don’t see why you would.”

Lindir shrugged, settling on the couch next to him. “You seem a lot quieter and more responsible than the other people here,” he said. “Including Gandalf.”

Ori glanced over to where Gandalf was telling what seemed to be a very long and slightly inappropriate story to Fili and Galadriel, both of whom were giggling uncontrollably, though Ori wasn’t sure if that was from the story or the drink.

“I’m just not allowed to drink yet,” Ori muttered. “Well…I’m not allowed to do anything yet, really.”

Lindir nodded and took a sip of whiskey. “Treasure it,” he said. “You’ve still got things to look forward to.”

Ori glanced at Lindir. “I suppose,” he said.

*

“So what’s the deal with you and Greenleaf?” Kili asked quietly as soon as he was sure Legolas was suitably occupied and Tauriel was suitably buzzed.

Tauriel took another sip of whiskey and rolled her eyes. “We’re friends,” she said. “We grew up together, we went to school together…Legolas dropped out of high school to become a rock star and when I finished college, he asked me to join him. His dad wasn’t too happy, but he couldn’t refuse.”

“And he’s not…”

“He’s my friend,” Tauriel repeated. At Kili’s pointed look, though, she sighed. “Yes, he has a crush on me. And yes, I’ve thought about it. But there are a lot of things to consider and I concluded that a relationship would be unwise.”

“I take it big daddy Thranduil is one of those considerations?”

“One of them,” Tauriel confirmed. “Also, the fact that we work together and grew up together and it would just be weird and awkward for us…and if we got together, I would always worry about Lindir feeling like a third wheel.”

“So you’re not opposed to relationships in general?” Kili tried not to sound too hopeful.

She side-eyed him suspiciously. “No,” she said very carefully. “Are you allowed to date?”

“Well, I’m not expressly forbidden from dating,” Kili said, also very carefully. “As long as it stays out of the tabloids. Thorin says the fangirls will all be disappointed if I was publicly seeing someone.”

Tauriel rolled her eyes. “That’s a dumb reason,” she said. “If they like your music, who cares if you’re seeing someone?”

“Being a disposable pop act means that I need to be single long enough to keep interest,” Kili explained. “Thorin says when the hype dies down and I have to make serious music I can think about that.”

“I think you make good music now,” she said, and then blushed when Kili looked at her. “I mean…I have been listening backstage, you know…and that thing we did the other day wasn’t exactly frivolous.”

Kili nodded slowly and took another drink. “We should refine that,” he said.

“Yes,” Tauriel said. “But not tonight.” She got up and went to the door and peeked out before looking to Gandalf. “Are we allowed to go outside?”

Gandalf waved his hand. “Do what you like,” he said. “It’s your night off.”

Tauriel grinned and skipped back to Kili to grab his hand. “Dance with me,” she ordered.

He followed without thinking, letting her drag him to the dance floor, not noticing that Legolas was watching with a slight frown on his face.

Galadriel smiled as well and looked to Fili. “Shall we, Mr. Durin?” she asked.

Fili’s eyes widened, but a nod from Gandalf was enough for him to get up and accompany Galadriel to the dance floor. They found Kili and Tauriel, who were very close together for two people who barely knew each other. Galadriel laughed and pulled Fili to her, guiding his hands to her hips and taking up the beat of whatever house music was playing.

*

Legolas tried not to let it bother him. Tauriel was a free woman and she could do what she liked. It wasn’t his business if she wanted to dance with Kili Durin. For all Legolas knew, Kili Durin was the best dancer in the room and that’s why she’d grabbed him.

But he couldn’t help but wonder at the decision. Was it because Kili was a good dancer? Or did she genuinely like him? Or was she just doing it to be annoying? All three were equally plausible and Legolas couldn’t help but think that the last one was true. Not that she was trying to annoy him—she’s never do that. But he knew that being seen being friendly with one of the Durins publicly would drive Thranduil up a wall and he wasn’t sure if he should allow that.

It wouldn’t be so bad if she’d gone for one of the others. Sure, they were all part of the “rival” band (though the rival part was very exaggerated), but going with one of Oakenshield’s nephews? That was not going to end well and Legolas feared what could happen to Tauriel.

Unfortunately, following her to the dance floor wasn’t going to help. For one thing, Galadriel had already left with the other Durin brother so Legolas would either have to stoop to asking one of the boys to accompany him or go out there alone, which would just look creepy. Legolas sighed, hoping that Tauriel got tired of it soon and came back into the room.

*

“So…you and Gandalf?” Fili asked, leaning close to be heard over the music.

Galadriel grinned. “What about it?”

“Are you…you know?” Fili asked.

She laughed. “He’s my boss,” she pointed out. “And old enough to be my father.”

“But…” Fili struggled to find the words. “You two seem so comfortable together…and he looks at you like you’re his wife.”

Her face told him nothing. “What do you think?” she purred. “How many wild nights do you think I’ve had?”

“More than I have lately,” Fili mumbled, making her laugh again.

“Well, we should fix that,” she said suggestively.

Fili blushed. “I really shouldn’t,” he said. “I mean…you’re lovely, really, but…it wouldn’t look good for either of us, would it?”

She smirked. “Only if we get caught,” she said. “And your brother doesn’t seem to care.”

Fili glanced over and spotted Kili and Tauriel, who were definitely dancing way too close. “He’s always been a ladies’ man,” Fili mumbled. “But I’ve always had to keep myself on the responsible side of things. I don’t have time for that sort of thing.”

“What do you have time for?” Galadriel asked, her voice suddenly serious.

“Work,” Fili said. “Music. Kili. Whatever the boys are up to. Few charities here and there. And I do answer some fan mail.”

“And when do you take time for yourself?”

Fili snorted. “There’s never time for me,” he said. “Everything else comes first and if there’s time left, clearly I’ve forgotten something.”

“And how long has it been that way?”

“Always,” he said. “Since I can remember. I’m an older brother, it’s how I have to be.”

Galadriel frowned. “You can’t always live that way,” she said. “Take it from me—if you don’t relax, you’re going to crash…you’re going to flame out. And I know nobody wants that for you.”

“You mean I’ll become like Thorin,” Fili said bitterly. “I know…no one ever says it directly, but I can hear it. They all worry that if I let any of it get to me, that if I’m allowed to do nothing, I’ll wind up a joke…a failure.”

“Your uncle was not a failure,” Galadriel said firmly. “He was like you, yes…a young man with a lot of pressure put on him and a bit too much freedom. But you don’t have to end the same way. You can control it…you can have your fun and still be responsible.”

“But I can’t,” Fili said. “I mean…look at me.” She did and she realized his hands were shaking. “If anyone gives me a night of freedom, I’m lost…three shots and I just want more…my little brother’s over there grinding on a beautiful woman, even though it could ruin them both, and I don’t know if I should stop him or egg him on…anything could go wrong and I almost want it to, just for that rush...I can’t be trusted to think about myself.”

“Have you spoken with your uncle about this?” Galadriel asked, her face full of concern.

“No,” Fili said. “I can’t…I can’t let him down.”

She didn’t say more because Kili and Tauriel chose that moment to stumble over to them, both laughing. Fili immediately put on a smile for them and asked what they were laughing about.

“Thranduil,” Tauriel said through her giggling. “And how Princes of Mirkwood is really just a new dick-measuring contest with Thorin.”

Fili and Galadriel glanced at each other. “Dare I ask who’s winning?” Fili asked.

“Galadriel,” Kili said without hesitation.

Galadriel smirked. “Well, it’s true,” she said.

That got Fili laughing for real. “Come on,” he said. “We should return to the boys before they send a search party for us.”

*

Galadriel hoped that rejoining his friends might help pull Fili out of his somber mood, but it was clearly not to be as he sat down and started pouring out another glass of whiskey. She thought about stopping him, but long experience with morose, belligerent rock stars told her that was a bad idea.

No, it would clearly be easier to distract him.

It took less than a minute to assess the blood alcohol content of everyone in the room, and Galadriel deemed the number acceptable, so she leaned over to Tauriel and began to whisper in her ear.

“Play along with me,” she hissed.

“What are we doing?” Tauriel whispered back.

“Distracting these boys before they do something stupid.” Galadriel then pressed a chaste kiss to Tauriel’s cheek.

That got everyone’s attention very quickly.

“Um…what is this?” Legolas asked, looking more confused than anything else.

“It’s a challenge,” Galadriel said. “I’m betting Tauriel and I will go further than any of you will with each other.”

Bofur smirked. “Is that so?” he asked, glancing to Nori, who grinned back. “We’ll take you up on that.”

The other boys looked much less enthused and Fili gave Bofur a severe glare.

“Who else?” Tauriel asked merrily. “Come on, boys, don’t let your fragile masculinity get in the way now! Fili? Kili?”

“We’re BROTHERS!” Kili gasped, though he was laughing. “And that means we don’t do that, no matter what the bandom says.”

“Well, then, Mr. Greenleaf, it seems your time has come,” Gandalf said, smirking at Legolas.

Legolas sputtered and Kili’s smile slipped a bit.

“Oh, that will be one for the fanfics,” Galadriel said with a smirk. “Too bad we can’t release photos…”

“They won’t do it,” Fili said, clearly a bit too drunk to be saying much of anything but doing it anyway. “They’re both too proud of their ladies’ man status…besides, we all know they’d rather spend all their time with subtle but pointless dick-waving…”

Without another word, Kili stomped over to Legolas, grabbed him by the front of the shirt, and pulled him down into a harsh kiss. It lasted for a few seconds before they pulled apart. Legolas looked shocked, but Kili looked back to Galadriel. “Your turn,” he said.

She grinned at him. “One minute,” she said, looking to Ori and Lindir. “Well? Are you two going to participate?”

Both turned bright red, but Lindir finally squeaked out, “We’re good, thanks…we’ll just accept that all of your cocks are bigger than ours.”

“Awww, none of you want to go with me?” Fili asked, waggling his eyebrows at them.

“You’re drunk,” Ori said. “And the first thing Thorin told me when I joined the band is to never do anything you say while you’re drunk.”

“I’m not drunk!” Fili protested. “Just a bit…you know…”

Ori sighed. “Fili, go sit down on the couch and don’t do anything you’ll regret later.”

Fili looked like he wanted to protest, but he finally did as he was told, looking sulky and mumbling something about “Dori” and “mom” as he did so.

Ori rolled his eyes. “Never changes,” he muttered darkly.

“Babysit him often?” Lindir asked.

“Every night since I joined this operation,” Ori sighed. “Really, I was relieved when Thorin told us we were going dry this tour.” He glared at Gandalf. “So much for that.”

Meanwhile, those participating in the challenge had all moved into a circle. The girls looked mischievous, Bofur and Nori were smirking, and Kili and Legolas both looked odd, a mixture of fury, determination, and maybe just a bit of lust in their eyes.

“Right,” Galadriel said. “Ground rules. Clothes must stay on. I don’t need a literal dick-measuring contest going on here, thanks.”

“Sure about that, love?” Bofur asked with a wink.

She grinned back. “Maybe later,” she said. “But not here. I’m sure your managers want to keep your purity as intact as possible. Second, no hands below the belt.” She glanced at Tauriel. “No offense, sweetie.”

“None taken,” Tauriel assured her.

“Right,” Kili said. “So who’s going first?”

“We all do this at once,” Galadriel said. “Otherwise, it wouldn’t be fair.”

“Don’t worry,” Gandalf said. “I’ll judge…along with Fili…and young Ori and Lindir, if they’re willing.”

“No,” Ori and Lindir said at once.

“Heck yes,” Fili said, leaning forward eagerly. “Go on!”

Ori tried not to watch. He’d seen enough of Bofur and Nori together in the past, thank you very much, from the moment they had finally gotten together until now, and that was quite enough. He was also accustomed to Kili making out with anything and everything if the stakes were high enough, so seeing him pulling Legolas’s hair as they kissed viciously wasn’t that shocking.

But Galadriel and Tauriel…well, that was something else altogether. Ori had a hard time looking away from them. Their mouths were pressed together in a soft but passionate manner. Tauriel had tangled her hands in Galadriel’s golden hair, while Galadriel had opted to run her hands over Tauriel’s sides, keeping them studiously above the waist, but occasionally brushing the other woman’s breasts in a way that made Tauriel gasp, sounds that had every presumably heterosexual man in the room shifting uncomfortably.

To Ori’s surprise, Bofur and Nori were the first to break apart. At Ori’s questioning look, though, Nori swiftly shook his head before both he and Bofur started laughing a bit. And if their laughter sounded a bit more fake than nervous, no one else seemed to notice. They stood up and left the room on the pretense of buying more booze. As they passed, Nori whispered, “Couldn’t let them know.” Ori nodded in understanding.

Kili and Legolas did not seem to be engaged in a kiss so much as a battle, with a lot of hair-pulling from both sides. Ori suddenly understood the fascination certain girls had with “foe yay,” because the display was, while rough, still rather distracting to watch. Of course, neither seemed to be enjoying it, particularly, but both were far too stubborn to pull away and let the girls get the best of them.

After about five minutes, though, Gandalf called for them to stop. “I think it’s a fairly even match,” he said.

“Oh, no,” Tauriel said, glancing at Kili and Legolas with a cheeky smirk. “We’re not going to just call it a draw.”

“I think we should win,” Legolas said.

“Why’s that?” Galadriel asked in a very challenging tone.

“Because one, we don’t actually like each other…” Kili began.

“As in, we don’t even know each other,” Legolas interrupted.

“And two, your lips aren’t bleeding,” Kili finished, ignoring the other man. It was true, though. Ori flinched as he caught sight of both their split lips.

“True enough,” Tauriel said. “Except I don’t know Galadriel that well and you weren’t even touching each other below the neck.”

“Only one way to settle this,” Galadriel said. “We’re making it public.”

Kili and Legolas both turned sheet white. “Oh, no,” Kili said. “My uncle would break my skull if this got out!”

“Dad’s already going to break my skull!” Legolas pointed out.

“Fine, then,” Galadriel said, standing up, pulling Tauriel with her. “We’ll just go out and prove it, then.” With that, she and Tauriel swept out of the door. The boys exchanged a quick glance and followed, Fili leaning on Kili’s shoulders and giggling maniacally.

Sure enough, Galadriel and Tauriel moved to a very, very open position. Their hands moved back into each other’s hair and their lips slotted together perfectly.

There were several catcalls and whistles from all around, but what caught Ori’s attention was several camera flashes. Turning his head, he spotted the person who had just caught the photos quickly.

Bofur and Nori rejoined them, another bottle of whiskey in hand. Fili grabbed it immediately and as he unscrewed it, the flashes went off again. Ori quickly took stock of what this looked like. Tauriel and Galadriel kissing in front of the entire club…Fili clearly about to down an entire bottle of whiskey on his own…Kili and Legolas glaring daggers at each other with bloodied lips…no, this was not good. Clearly, someone needed to take charge.

Ori leaned over to Lindir. “Paparazzi,” he muttered. “Grab your bandmates and go.”

Lindir didn’t even hesitate. He ran over, caught Legolas by the elbow, and dragged him to the dance floor. Tauriel and Galadriel had just broken apart, so Lindir didn’t even hesitate, just caught Tauriel’s hand and pulled her off. Galadriel looked a bit forlorn, but Ori was already beside her. “We’ve been caught,” he hissed. She jumped, and then she was off, disappearing into the crowd and presumably out a backdoor. Gandalf followed her, vanishing as though by magic.

Ori returned to his bandmates, grabbed the bottle out of Fili’s hand, and then discretely flagged down Dwalin and Bifur, who were standing by the bar looking casual. They nodded and began parting the crowd. Ori handed the bottle off to Nori and then grabbed Fili by the wrist and hauled his arm over his shoulder. It was, unfortunately, a very familiar maneuver to pull him out of the bar and to the street.

As they walked back to the hotel, trying to move quickly without drawing attention, Kili’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and opened the text message.

_We win. :-*_

*

“So, you all know exactly what this press release says?” Bilbo asked, smiling altogether too pleasantly for anyone’s comfort.

The musicians all nodded while Thorin and Thranduil only gave him flat looks. Bilbo ignored them.

“Let’s rehearse it!” he said, still far too cheerfully. “Why did you all go out?”

“Relaxing night off from the tour,” they all chorused.

“Who organized it?”

“Mr. Grey.”

“Who accompanied you?”

“Our bodyguards.”

“Good!” Bilbo turned to Kili and Legolas, who were ignoring each other as studiously as their managers. “What did you two fight about?”

“Creative bankruptcy,” Kili mumbled.

“Did it come to blows?”

“Only for a moment of drunken anger,” Legolas recited.

“And you’re both very sorry?”

“You have no idea,” Legolas said.

“Extremely regretful,” Kili agreed.

“Good.” Bilbo looked to Fili. “How much did you drink?”

“Two shots, tops.”

“Why were you holding a whiskey bottle?”

“To share with all my friends.”

“Good.” He then turned to Galadriel and Tauriel, neither of whom looked repentant at all. “What is your relationship?”

“We’re best girl friends,” Tauriel said.

“What were you doing on the dancefloor?”

“Expressing our love for each other in a completely innocent and platonic manner,” Galadriel recited, though she did wink at Tauriel.

“Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” Tauriel added. “But we’re both single.”

“Excellent.” Bilbo then turned to Ori. “Where were you last night?”

“Safe in the hotel.”

“What were you doing?”

“Playing Scrabble with Gimli.”

“What were you drinking?”

“Coke.”

“Good.” Bilbo looked to Gimli expectantly.

“Ditto.”

Bilbo nodded and turned to Thorin and Thranduil. “What do you have to say?”

“We’re very regretful that a night of unwinding turned into a press incident,” Thorin said wearily.

“We’re sorry if anyone misinterpreted what happened,” Thranduil added dutifully.

“It will not happen again,” Thorin concluded, glaring at the boys.

Bilbo beamed at them before looking to Gandalf. “And what do you have to say?”

Gandalf looked a little bit afraid. “The same?” he guessed.

“Good.” Bilbo hit the send button on his phone. “Well, this was fun, but I believe you all have a tech rehearsal to get to. Chop chop!”


	11. In which a lot of questions are asked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone needs to work out their relationships. It's just really confusing.

_Dear Fili,_

_I hope you’re doing okay. I heard about what happened in Austin, though I didn’t believe the Defiler’s versions of events for a moment. I know you’re better than that._

_I did some new carvings last night, of the docks in the late evening. I don’t think I caught them nearly as well as some people could, but I did what I could. I’ll show them to you when we meet, but you’ll have to go down to the docks and see them for yourself._

_I spend a lot of time at the docks. My dad works down there, and during the summer, I have time to just watch the water. It’s peaceful there, with no one to look after and no house to keep. Sometimes, I think about just getting on one of the ships and just becoming a sailor, going away from here…but then I remember my brother and sister and I can’t leave them. I have to see them grown before I go anywhere._

_Tell the truth, I don’t even know where I would go. My dad keeps telling me to look into colleges, but I don’t know what I want to do with more schooling, except to go somewhere else. But everyone wants to go somewhere else, and I don’t see why I shouldn’t stay here._

_I do love my city. It’s beautiful, and it’s strange, and there’s so much to see in it. You could be walking down the street and find yourself in a completely new world, one you never knew existed, with people you don’t know but want to meet. And I can see the ocean from my home, and I can sit on the docks and just listen to the sea. It’s almost as good a singer as you are._

_I’m sorry for rambling again. It’s just nice to have someone to write to, someone who doesn’t already know every last thing about me. You’re of course free to ignore me._

_But if you choose not to, tell me about your home city. I’ve never left California and I don’t know anything about the rest of the country beyond what’s on TV, and I know not to trust that anyway._

_I can’t believe I’m going to see you in a week. Hope you do okay before then._

_Sincerely,_

_Sigrid_

*

“So what’s the deal with you and Durin?” Legolas asked as casually as he could.

Tauril gave him a withering glare. “We’re friends,” she said shortly.

Legolas raised his eyebrows. “You sure?”

“What, are you expecting a Vegas wedding? I mean, three whole months of being acquainted before we’re running off into the sunset! A new record…if you’re a Disney princess.”

Legolas rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean,” he grumbled. “You two were awfully friendly the other night.”

“Yet I wasn’t the one who had my tongue shoved halfway down his throat,” she teased. “Is his hair as soft as it looks?”

“You started it!” Legolas snapped, blushing furiously. “And yes, it really is…pretty sure he uses the same conditioner as Lindir does.”

She laughed, but sobered quickly. “Really, though,” she said. “It’s not…I mean…” She took a deep breath. “If I were interested,” she said carefully. “Would you be opposed?”

He was quiet for a moment. “It’s not my decision to make,” he said. “And you’re my best friend, so if you were interested…and if something were to come of it…I’ll support you.”

She nodded. “Thanks, Leggy.”

He swatted at her. “Don’t call me Leggy.”

*

“Hey, Ori?” Gimli looked uncharacteristically shy.

“Yeah?” Ori asked, putting aside his book.

Gimli shuffled his feet. “Um…how do you know when you like someone? Like, when you really like someone?”

“What do you mean?” Ori asked. 

“You know…when you were a kid, you had a crush on Dwalin, right?”

Ori turned bright red. “That was just puppy love! It wasn’t going to happen!”

“But how did you know it was a crush?”

“Well…you know. I thought he was attractive. And I felt funny when he talked to me.” Ori struggled to regain his composure. “Why? You got a crush?”

“Maybe…” Gimli admitted. “But it’s a guy and I didn’t think I liked guys that way…not that there’s anything wrong with it, just…you know…I never thought about it before…but…well…I don’t know.”

Ori was quiet for a moment before he asked, “Who is it?”

Gimli’s face was redder than his hair as he mumbled out, “Legolas.”

Ori nodded. He’d suspected as much. “Well, I wouldn’t worry too much about that,” he said. “I mean…you’re seventeen. Still a kid.”

“I’m only two years younger than you!” Gimli yelped.

“That makes you a kid,” Ori teased.

“Whatever,” Gimli said. “But how do I know?”

“Do you blush when he looks at you? Do you get nervous when he talks? Do you want to curl up and squee whenever he starts singing?”

“Yes…but I feel the same way about Galadriel.”

“And everyone has a crush on Galadriel,” Ori pointed out. “It’s okay to like more than one person if it’s not going anywhere.”

“How do you know it’s not?” Gimli asked.

“Because you’re not legal yet,” Ori said. “So I wouldn’t worry about it too much.”

*

“Whose idea was it to go to the southern and desert states during the summer?” Nori quietly grumbled as he turned in the bed again. “It’s too hot for me to sleep.” 

“With that attitude, of course it is,” Bofur teased, though he was feeling the oppressive Arizona heat too, even with the air conditioning on in the hotel room, and it being close to midnight. He smiled at the glare Nori gave him. 

“Will you two be quiet? I actually plan on sleeping tonight,” Dwalin called out from the other bed. 

Bofur and Nori shifted around for a few more minutes before giving up on finding a comfortable position. Then Nori got an idea. “Hey, Dwalin-“

“No.”

“But you haven’t even heard what I have to say.”

“That’s the tone you use when you want to go somewhere.”

“Don’t you want to know where before you say no?”

“No. I am going to sleep, which means you’re not going anywhere.” 

“What if we asked Bifur to?” Bofur suggested. His cousin had the night off from being with any of the bandmates, but he would surely be fine with taking them.

Dwalin was quiet for a short moment. “That would be acceptable. Now stop bothering me.” 

“It’s the pool, by the way,” Nori said. “You don’t fancy a dip?” 

Dwalin grabbed the other pillow on his bed and put it over his head. 

“We’ll take that as a no.” Bofur reached out to the bedside table for his phone. ‘Want to go to pool with me and Nori? Dwalin won’t.’ he texted to his cousin.

It took a minute for the response. ‘Pool closed at 10.’

‘Maybe we can charm it open? Please? Too hot to sleep.’ 

Another moment before the reply. ‘Fine, but only 30 mins if we’re allowed in. Be at your door soon.’

“He says he’ll take us,” Bofur told the man in the other bed. Dwalin grunted in acknowledgement. Bofur and Nori got out of bed and fished through their bags to find their swim trunks and a tshirt. They had just gotten changed when there was a knock on the door. 

Nori grabbed his room key, and Bofur took a couple towels from the bathroom. Dwalin’s muffled voice warned, “You two better be quiet when you come back.” 

“We will,” Nori and Bofur said in unison, opening the door. 

“Bifur, you there?” Dwalin checked.

“Yes,” Bifur replied in Gaelic. He also had a hotel towel over his shoulder, a book under his arm, and was dressed in shorts and a tshirt. To the bandmates, he signed, “I mean it, no longer than half hour, if you can convince them to let us in.”

“You’re doubting the talent of both of us combined?” Nori teased. 

The three of them stepped out of the elevator and walked into the empty lobby. Only a young woman was tending the front desk. Bofur and Nori approached, with Bifur staying back. 

“Yes, Can I…” the receptionist looked up and froze. 

Bofur put on his most alluring smile. “Hello there.”

Nori crossed his arms on the desk and leaned forward on his elbows, a roguish grin on his face. “Think you could do us a favor?” 

“Y-you’re Bofur and Nori! Oh my god! I mean- um… sorry, what do you need?”

“We’re not used to this desert heat, and we know the pool’s closed now,” Bofur started.

“Could you do something about that? Let us in? Just us two and our bodyguard over there,” Nori continued.

“We wouldn’t be longer than thirty minutes,” Bofur added. “We’d be very grateful.”

The woman considered them for a moment, the excited smile of meeting them still beaming on her face. “Yeah, sure! I mean, it’s not usually done, but for you guys, yes.” 

“You won’t get into trouble?” Bofur replied. “We’d hate for that to happen.”

“No, no, management will understand.” She checked something on her computer screen. “Found your reservation. Actually… there’s a note here that says to do whatever we can to make your stay enjoyable.” She opened a drawer and took out a set of keys. “I’ll just need to keep one of your keys, and you can follow me.” 

Once outside in the high-walled pool space, and the receptionist left them, Nori dropped the towels on a lounge chair. “Wasn’t even a challenge,” he smirked at Bifur. 

Bofur stripped off his shirt and dove into the cool water. He surfaced and remarked, “Oh that feels so good.” Nori stripped his shirt off and jumped in near him. When he surfaced, he pounced at his boyfriend. 

Bifur shook his head in amusement and sat on the edge of the shallow end, putting his lower legs in the water and opening his book.

After a little while of chasing after each other underwater, keeping quiet to not disturb any other guests, Bofur closed his eyes and floated on his back. Nori treaded water near his head. He stared down at his boyfriend, remarking, “Beautiful…” at the way Bofur’s long dark hair fanned out around his head. He bent his head down to kiss his cheek. 

Bofur sunk slightly as he reached out to grab Nori’s arm and pull him closer. “Hold me?” 

Nori moved to behind Bofur’s head and looped his arms under Bofur’s relaxed ones, pulling the other man close to his chest. “Good?”

“Mhm…” Bofur opened his eyes and stared up at the dark sky, absentmindedly picking out constellations. 

They floated in a comforting quiet for a while, until Nori said softly, “You know what I look forward to someday?”

“Aye?”

Nori bent over low, kissing Bofur for a few seconds. “I look forward to telling all my fangirls and boys that the bad boy is taken.” 

Bofur chuckled. “You’ll break all their little hearts. And if you say with who, you’ll break my fans’ hearts too.”

“No…” Nori laughed a little as well. “What would happen is a never-ending stream of fanfic and art about us.” 

“Oh, so you don’t think we have enough as is?”

“I like to think I have a healthy ego.” 

Bofur turned upright and yanked himself close to his boyfriend. “Indeed you do.” He cupped Nori’s face with one hand before going in for a kiss. “I love you,” he said between breaths. 

Nori laughed and leaned back, trying to figure out a way to keep kissing while floating on his back. 

They broke off their make-out session at a hard splash that went over their heads. They looked up, seeing that they had drifted close enough to Bifur that he could kick water at them. 

“Time to go,” Bifur signed. 

“No point in asking for an extra five minutes?” Nori hopefully said.

“Already gave you that.” Bifur splashed them again. 

“Fair enough,” replied Bofur, breaking away from Nori and hauling himself up on the poolside. He barely held back a squeak as the back of his trunks were yanked down. He pulled them back up and glared at Nori, impishly grinning in the water. “If Bifur wasn’t here…” he threatened with a laugh. 

They climbed out without further incident and dried themselves off. Nori pulled Bofur in for one more kiss before they went back inside. 

*

_Dear Sigrid, ___

_I’m fine, really. It was a bit of a wild night, and you’re right in thinking the Defiler got most of it wrong. However, I must confess that what was written about me is completely true._

_It pains me to tell you this, since I know you hold me in such high esteem, but I have no desire to ever lie to you. I have a lot of trouble controlling my drinking, something that my family despairs of, and that was the first night in months that I’d been allowed near a bottle. I lost control._

_I’m so sorry, Sigrid. I never wanted to disappoint you like this. I hope that you can forgive me and that I can find some redemption in your eyes. And before you go all starry-eyed and start romanticizing me as a troubled, misunderstood rebel with a deep soul and a heart of gold, please note that I am none of those things and I do not want you to think of my behavior as anything but what it is—completely shameful and disgusting._

_I understand if you completely disregard this letter after all that, but I’m going to finish anyway._

_I’m very pleased to hear you did more carvings. I cannot wait to see them. Perhaps you would show me down to the docks yourself? We have an extra day in San Francisco after the concert and if your father isn’t opposed, I would like to see the city. You have made it sound incredible, especially to a Midwestern boy who doesn’t see the ocean too often._

_I do understand the desire to leave your home city, though. It’s a longing I had all through my childhood, and I was very lucky to get away like I did, but I do miss it a lot. I see a lot of strange places on the road, but I still always find myself looking forward to returning to St. Paul and seeing my mom and the rest of my family._

_St. Paul is a wonderful city. It’s bright and welcome after driving for hours through farmland. Perhaps it’s not as strange as your city, but it’s enough for me._

_You should know that I will never ignore you and will write back as soon as I can, if you still want me to._

_Sincerely,_

_Fili_


	12. In which Fili meets a friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The band arrives in San Francisco and Fili finally meets Sigrid.

_Good morning, San Francisco! That was The Shire and their song “Home is Behind.” Before that, we had Shelob with “Sting Him” and Galadriel Lorien with “Few Remember.”_

_And speaking of Galadriel Lorien, it’s the big day! The Reclamation Tour is arriving here tonight, all ready to play for us. This is one of the best concert line-ups I’ve ever seen, so I hope to see you all out there! But don’t worry—we’ve been permitted to broadcast at least part of the show tonight, so tune in at 7:00 for that!_

_It’s a beautiful day out here, high of 75 and sunny, getting a little colder tonight with lows in the forties. Looking forward to tomorrow, high of 70, low of 55. Warming up on Wednesday with a high of 80 and a low of 60._

_Coming up in the next hour, we’ve got some Durin’s Sons and some Gondor Knights for you, but right now, let’s start with some early Princes of Mirkwood. Here’s “Thank You for the Tears” on KITS Live 105._

*

Sigrid Bowman was a disciplined lady. Disciplined and old-fashioned.

Or at least, she liked to think of herself as such. She had to be, to prove that she was ready for so much responsibility, to show her young siblings how to behave. And most of the time, it worked.

But she was meeting Fili Durin tonight and it had to be perfect or else he wouldn’t like her and oh, god, what would she do if he didn’t like her and decided to stop writing? Or worse, what if he did like her and she found out she didn’t like him? His letters were good so far, but he was a poet—of course he could write well. 

Then again, the man who wrote “Wandering Forward” was someone she felt she understood, and who understood her. She shouldn’t be so worried.

Nevertheless, she brushed her hair more carefully than usual, and instead of tying it up, she left it loose. She worried for over an hour about what to wear, before Tilda told her to relax.

“He’s used to meeting people,” Tilda pointed out. “And if he keeps writing back, he’s bound to want to meet you as much as you want to meet him.”

Sigrid bit her lip. “But what if I make a bad impression?” she asked, fingering her long skirts and wondering if they would look weird.

“You won’t,” Tilda said. “At least, you can’t make a worse impression than screaming in his ear.”

“You screamed, too,” Sigrid muttered before pulling out a long blue skirt. “What about this?”

“Sigrid. It’s a rock concert, not the Mormon Church. Put on some freaking jeans.”

Sigrid sighed, but she had to admit her sister was right. She hung the skirt back up and went to find some skinny jeans and a nice top.

At least she wouldn’t look too weird around him.

*

Fili had never been so nervous about a concert. Normally, it was Kili fidgeting incessantly while his makeup girl struggled to get him into shape, but not tonight.

He didn’t know why. Sigrid Bowman was just another fan—a very intelligent fan, to be sure, and a very sweet girl from her letters, but a fan. And if Fili screwed this up, she may not even be that anymore.

His bandmates were no help.

“Seriously, Fi, it’s not that big a deal,” Kili said. “Just because she writes pretty letters doesn’t mean she’s some unobtainable dream woman.”

“Like Tauriel?” Fili shot back.

Kili shrugged. “What can I say? She’s a goddess. I mean, I wouldn’t make out with Greenleaf for just anyone.”

“Sigrid isn’t like that,” Fili said.

“No, she’s just jailbait,” Nori said. “Seriously, you weren’t this nervous about your last date.”

“It’s not a date and I’m not…no!” Fili said. “She’s sixteen! That’s not what’s going on!”

“So what is going on?” Nori asked. “You spend hours on those emails, you checked you hair six times just driving up here, and you even follow her on Twitter.”

“That doesn’t mean anything!” Fili snapped. “She’s just a friend…I’m allowed to have friends, aren’t I?”

“Sure, Fi,” Kili said. “But be careful. Orquite gets wind of this and you’re going to be dragged through the mud as having a taste for underage girls, whether it’s true or not.”

“And since when are you the PR expert?” Fili asked.

“Doesn’t take an expert to know that,” Kili said. “But call it experience. The moment you’re seen with someone of the opposite sex…or even of the same sex…there’s suddenly speculation everywhere about what it means and if you’re serious and who snuck into whose hotel room. I mean, I was seen with Arwen Evenstar for ten minutes and suddenly she’s having my baby!”

Fili sighed. “I suppose you’re right,” he muttered. “But that’s not going to happen tonight. There are tons of people with backstage passes.”

“Didn’t you make plans to see her tomorrow?” Ori asked.

“Not plans, per se,” Fili mumbled. “I mean…I offered, pending her father’s approval, which he won’t give until he meets us, and even if he says yes, we’re going to be followed by your mother-henning brother the whole time.”

“And the fact that he’s there for her protection instead of yours says a lot,” Nori said.

“Nori, you know I wouldn’t…”

“I know that. And Thorin knows that. But she doesn’t and neither does her dad.” Nori looked at Fili seriously in the mirror. “She’s sixteen and has caught the attention of a famous rock star who she’s had a crush on forever, a rock star who’s offering to take her out, alone, while flattering her knowledge. You see where people might get the wrong impression.”

Fili sighed again. “I know,” he said. “But…it’s not like I would take advantage of her. I just want to be her friend. That’s all.”

“We know that,” Ori said. “Just…be careful. And don’t give Mr. Baggins more work to do.”

*

Bard Bowman considered himself to be a reasonable man. He did his best with his children, and perhaps spoiled them just a little, but they were his, dammit, and he would do whatever he could to ensure they were happy.

That did not mean he was happy with his oldest daughter vibrating out of control with excitement over meeting a grown man in the hopes of arranging an…outing the next day. Yes, outing. Not a date. In no way would Bard let his teenaged daughter go on a date with anyone.

Of course, Sigrid was so nervous about the whole thing that she was practically crying, even though she did her best to hide it since they were on a public cable car. Tilda and Bain were chattering excitedly, but Sigrid didn’t say a word, as though afraid that if she opened her mouth she would lose her mind.

Not that Bard blamed her—if he had received a call from his favorite musician and been asked to meet them personally, he couldn’t say he’d behave any better—but the fact that Sigrid was sixteen, and this Durin fellow was twenty-something…well, it unsettled him a bit.

And it would be better if he didn’t have to sit through the concert himself. He had no problem with this music, per se, but it was still whiny teenybopper silliness and definitely not made for him.

And of course, he had his earplugs just in case. This turned out to be a good thing when, the moment they got to the venue and found their seats, Bard was bombarded with shrieks from all the pre-teen and teenage girls sitting around him. Sigrid and Bain were quiet, mostly because Sigrid was hyperventilating and Bain was at the awkward age where his fragile masculinity was always held in check, but Tilda joined right in. Bard wasn’t going to stop her. Before Sigrid had gotten that phone call, he’d been on the fence about whether they’d be going at all.

It was almost a relief when the lights went down and the emcee announced Durin’s Sons. Almost, because that only caused the shrieking to increase tenfold until the music actually started. Not that it got quieter after that, due to the sound system and the continued hysterics, but at least the music had an elegance to it.

Bard glanced at Sigrid, who was staring wide-eyed up at one of the boys. Bard assumed it was the illustrious Fili Durin, not that he kept track of which boy was which. He knew he’d seen posters in his daughters’ room, but since there were two of them sharing wall space, the focus was on two or three different people and he didn’t bother learning their names.

Though he had to admit, when he could hear it over the screaming, the music wasn’t bad. Teenybopper pop for certain, a little whiny, but pretty good. There was a lot of emotion to it, and even if it was loud, there was a reason to that besides the venue acoustics. Bard had heard the albums more than once and he admitted that it could never be anything but loud and still sound right. And when the blond one he was sure was Fili started playing a song Bard knew was called “Wandering Forward,” Sigrid actually burst into tears.

Bard had hoped that Sigrid would calm down when Fili Durin was out of her line of sight, but if anything, she only seemed more nervous as the next two acts played. Bard wasn’t as familiar with them—he knew that Tilda had at least one of the Princes of Mirkwood albums, and he’d heard Galadriel Lorien on the radio a few times (and maybe from Bain’s room once or twice, though the boy insisted otherwise)—but he found that both acts were exceptional, but not his thing. Not his thing at all.

But then the concert ended and the lights were up and Tilda was tugging on Sigrid’s sleeve—and Sigrid looked like she would faint at any second.

“Come on, Sig,” Tilda said. “He’s waiting for you.”

Sigrid nodded.

“Breathe, Sigrid,” Bard said. “You’re going to be just fine.”

*

As soon as the set was done, the band was herded backstage and retouched to look good for the people with passes. Fili was still fidgeting. Thorin noticed.

“What’s got him in so much excitement?” he whispered to Bilbo, who somehow always knew more about what the boys were thinking than he did. Thorin would be annoyed at this, except that Bilbo kept them out of trouble and him in the loop. Most of the time.

“Remember that essay contest I mentioned?” Bilbo asked, not looking up from his phone.

“Yes?”

“The winner is coming tonight,” Bilbo said. “And she and Fili seem to have struck up a bit of a friendship over email.”

Thorin raised his eyebrows. “And he’s nervous about meeting her?”

“Well, there was talk of the boys going out tomorrow,” Bilbo said vaguely. “And Fili asked her if she’d like to go with. But that depends on how the meeting with her and her father goes tonight.”

Thorin closed his eyes. “How old is she?” he asked in trepidation.

“Sixteen.” Bilbo looked up. “I know what you’re thinking and I’ve already looked into it. I’ve read every one of their emails…Fili needs to learn to keep his computer locked…and it’s completely innocent, and I’ve got a press release ready just in case someone spots them and tries to make it into something not innocent.”

“What’s it say?”

“That she’s one of Fili’s many, many beloved cousins and anyone who publishes her photo without permission will be hearing from our lawyers,” Bilbo said sweetly. “Also contains a thinly-veiled threat to every paparazzo’s children just in case.”

Thorin grinned. “Knew there was a reason Gandalf hired you,” he said. “All right, then. But Dori’s going with them.”

“Already decided that without your help,” Bilbo said before going back to whatever he was doing.

*

“Breathe, Fili,” Kili said. “And pay attention to the others.”

Fili nodded. He just needed to get into his usual autograph line headspace, which usually meant smiling, scribbling his name on CDs and posters, saying a few inspiring words to the fans, all while secretly writing song lyrics or grocery lists or whatever else needed doing in his head. But tonight, he couldn’t seem to get into that space. He was waiting, examining the face of every girl in the line, hoping she would give some sign.

Luckily, even with extremely jittery nerves, Fili was able to sign autographs and take pictures on autopilot with a stream of faceless teenagers who didn’t bother to give their names, and he was a bit afraid that he had just completely missed Sigrid because he wasn’t paying attention. But at last, the line thinned out and the last group came up.

Led by a tall girl with blonde hair who slipped a gallon-sized Ziplock of chocolate chip cookies onto the table.

Fili looked up and his face split into a smile as the girl blushed. “Sigrid?” he said, his voice sounding way more calm than it should have.

She nodded, looking at the ground. “Hey,” she squeaked.

Fili was on his feet in a second, moving around the table and hugging her. He didn’t care about Thorin’s disapproving cough in the background, or about how his bandmates were all laughing at him, or about how her father frowned at him, because she was here and she was just as shy and awkward as he’d anticipated and dammit, he was going to hug his friend.

She hugged him back and Fili could feel tears on his shoulder, but that was okay, a lot of girls ended up crying on him from sheer joy and he was used to that. And of course she was the last in line, of course he wasn’t obligated to talk to anyone else, and that was a relief because he wanted to talk to her.

He could hear people talking around him, her father introducing himself to Thorin, and another girl jabbering, but he didn’t care. He finally stepped back and smiled. “I’m glad you’re here,” he said.

She smiled back. “Thank you for having me,” she said, prim and proper and obviously trying to pull herself together.

Fili laughed. He couldn’t help it, especially when her resolve broke down and she started giggling as well. “How late you allowed to be out?” Fili asked.

“Until my dad says we have to go,” she said. She reached into her pocket and pulled a small circle of wood that looked like it came from a tree stump out. “Um…I brought the carving I told you about, too.”

He took it and examined it. It was a miniature of the skyline, carved by delicate hands into the wood, with obvious skill in love in every stroke. “This is gorgeous,” he said.

“Keep it,” she said. “I remember you saying a while back that you don’t have anything to collect, so…yeah.” She was blushing.

“Come sit down,” Fili offered, leading her to the lounge area, ignoring Thorin’s sharp glare as they sat on a couch. “And tell me about this…or anything.”

*

Sigrid didn’t know how long she sat on the couch next to Fili, always on the edge, trying to look like a grown-up in skinny jeans and a casual grey jacket with her hair down. She knew she didn’t need to be so self-conscious, but this was Fili and he was sitting on the couch like he belonged there, all black leather and long hair and eyeliner and Sigrid didn’t know what she was supposed to do except keep talking.

He was easy to talk to, though. He listened with genuine interest and asked questions, looking at her with rapt attention as she detailed exactly how she made her wood carvings. Once that topic had run dry, Fili called over to one of the burly security men to find some sodas and invite the rest of Sigrid’s family inside. The man rolled his eyes, but obeyed.

The rest of the band trickled in as well, laughing and joking. Bain was doing his pouty teenager thing, but Tilda was in her element, discussing something animatedly with Ori and settling beside him as though she were totally at ease with everyone and everything in the room. Their dad was discussing something in a low voice with Thorin Oakenshield and a young man who Sigrid recognized as the PR manager, though she couldn’t recall his name.

But no one bothered them, which was fine. She liked the rest of the band, she supposed, but Fili was her friend, and they were talking, the subject of wood carving falling away into the topic of guitar playing. She didn’t know much about it, but she loved how Fili’s eyes lit up while he was talking, his hands moving in intricate patterns as though he had the instrument in his hand right then.

Eventually, the adults stopped talking and came over to them. Sigrid looked up at her dad with her best puppy dog eyes, the eyes that never failed to get her whatever she wanted, and Fili gave a similar look to his uncle and the PR manager.

“Sigrid,” Bard said, completely calm. “I’ve talked to Mr. Oakenshield and Mr. Baggins and we’ve agreed that you can go with the band tomorrow.” Sigrid beamed at him. “Oh, thank you, Da!” she said, not caring if she sounded like a little girl anymore.

“Fili,” Thorin said in a voice that defied any argument. “You are to take very good care of Miss Bowman and there are to be absolutely no shenanigans while you’re out tomorrow.”

“Yes, Uncle,” Fili said dutifully. He gave his award-winning smile to Bard. “We’ll take very good care of her and have her home by ten.”

Bard nodded. “Good. I understand that you’re to be under heavy supervision and that had better be true.”

“Don’t worry,” the PR manager said. “Our security guards are very good and they won’t let anything happen to your daughter. And I won’t let her end up in the tabloids.”

“Thank you, Mr. Baggins,” Bard said. “But for now, I think we should get going soon. You have our address.”

“We’ll call for you at noon,” Fili said. “None of us get up early, I’m afraid.”

Bard chuckled. “Don’t worry,” he said. “After tonight, I don’t think we will either. Sigrid, half an hour.”

“Yes, Da,” she said. As the adults walked off, she turned back to Fili.

“Invite your siblings,” he said. “I mean, I’d hate for them to feel left behind. I know Kili and Ori were always brats when we didn’t take him places.”

Sigrid nodded. “Of course,” she said. “I was going to ask…I mean…”

He waved his hand. “I get it,” he said. “You’re a good big sister to bring them and not your other friends anyway.”

She shrugged. “I don’t think Da would let me get away with not bringing them,” she said. “But I wanted to.”

Fili smiled, a soft, genuine smile that never made it into magazines. “They’re lucky,” he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, KITS Live is a real radio station in San Francisco. I have no idea if their morning DJs actually talk like that, so apologies to them.


	13. In which Fili and Sigrid are philosophical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili and Sigrid go down to the docks and talk.

**Press Release: Clarification**

**Bilbo Baggins, Durin’s Sons Publicist**

**It has come to our attention that certain photographs of Fili Durin have recently been published by The Defiler. These photos portray Mr. Durin and a young lady, who was not identified but who was speculated to be a romantic interest.**

**The article then went on to make several accusations about Mr. Durin, concerning the age of the young lady in question and painting the entire incident as entirely indecent.**

**Durin’s Sons would like to clarify that the young lady in question is Mr. Durin’s dear young cousin Sigrid, who lives in San Francisco and was merely accompanying her family on an entirely wholesome outing in the city.**

**We would also like to clarify that Ms. Sigrid is, in fact, under the age of 18 and the photos of her were published without the permission of her or her legal guardian. A letter regarding the photos has already been sent to The Defiler, and any publication that releases any further unauthorized photographs of her will be hearing from our lawyers.**

**After all, we would all hate for our children’s privacy to be so grossly invaded, wouldn’t we?**

*

“Gimli?” Gloin had just returned from lunch with the other grown-ups of the trip to find his son sitting at the hotel room desk, his college algebra prep book open and a look of intense concentration on his face.

“Hmm?” Gimli grunted, looking up. “Yeah?”

“Have you had lunch yet?”

Gimli waved his hand absently. “Ordered room service,” he said. “Didn’t want to break focus too long. Hope you don’t mind.”

Gloin shrugged. “That’s fine,” he said. It was only a little more expensive than the hotel restaurant and it wasn’t like Gimli was going to blow too much money anyway. Besides, his wife would get more pissed about their son not eating than about whatever food cost. “Though I thought the boys had invited you down to the beach with them.”

“I was working,” Gimli said. “I mean…this isn’t vacation.”

Gloin sighed. He had told Gimli to work hard, but he hadn’t meant to confine the boy to hotel rooms and concert venues for the whole summer. “You’re allowed to have fun, too,” Gloin said. “You’re doing your job well and you still have a whole year of high school left to learn all that stuff. Heck, Thorin even said yesterday you’re the best equipment manager he’s ever hired.”

Gimli blushed. “Thanks, Dad,” he said. “But I’m fine, really.”

“You need a break,” Gloin said. “When I said to work hard, I didn’t mean you had to sacrifice your entire summer.”

Gimli hesitated. “I…I guess,” he mumbled.

“Come on,” Gloin said, acutely aware of the expense reports he needed to sort through but unwilling to let his son become the same office drone he was. At least, not yet. “Let’s head down there. See what the boys are up to.”

Gimli smiled a bit. “Fili’s probably busy with Miss Bowman,” he said.

“Yes, but the others aren’t,” Gloin said. “And they were asking after you when they left.”

Gimli finally closed his book. “Okay,” he said. “Thanks, Dad.”

*

“She was a writer,” Sigrid said, trailing her bare feet in the water. She was back in her familiar long skirt and loose top, but Fili didn’t seem to mind. “Not famous, but she was going to be. That’s what she always said—that there was still time.” She had her knife in one hand and a piece of carving wood in the other, whittling away as they talked.

“My dad said the same thing,” Fili said. He was sitting a respectful distance away from her, close enough that they could talk but not so close that paparazzi could say for certain they were a couple. Not that that was going to stop the rumors—Fili had already spotted Orquite earlier in the day, though this time he had permitted Dori to go over and threaten him with physical harm if he didn’t fuck off. The photographer had taken the hint and skedaddled, though Fili felt sure he had caught at least one picture of Sigrid on his arm.

“Funny, isn’t it?” Sigrid asked. “How big time seems until you’re out of it.”

“I don’t think you’re ever really out of time,” Fili said, reflecting that this was the first time he had ever had a conversation like this without the help of some sort of controlled substance. “You’re just out of that set.”

“So you believe in an afterlife?”

Fili shrugged. “Gotta be something, right?” he asked. “I mean, if there isn’t, what’s the point?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “My mom said it was about making this world better…she said that if we spend too much time worrying about the future we’ll forget to live…and that there’s always more time.”

“I guess,” Fili said. “I just don’t know what to do with my time…I feel like I’ve wasted so much of it.”

“I can’t say you have,” Sigrid said. “I mean…would you call this a waste?”

“No,” Fili said. “Of course not.” He stared over the San Francisco Bay, his eyes sad. “I wish…”

She nodded. “Me too.”

He was about to say something more when a sudden shout and splash caught his attention. He turned in alarm to look at the stretch of beach where the rest of the band, along with Gimli who had just arrived, were fooling around—Sigrid’s siblings had declined to come with them, so the rest of the band had devoted the last hour to roughhousing. Fili lept to his feet when he saw that Kili wasn’t among them.

Fili dashed back down the dock and to the beach just in time to see Kili come up from the water, gasping. Fili waded in after his brother to pull him out. “What happened?” he asked, dragging Kili to the shore.

“Slipped on the rocks,” Kili mumbled, nodding to them. Sigrid hurried over and passed him a towel. “Thank.” He dried off and then hissed as he took another step onto the sand.

“Sit,” Fili ordered. Kili obeyed and Fili gasped as he spotted the large cut on his brother’s foot.

The other boys came trotting over. “What did he do this time?” Bofur asked.

“Cut himself on a rock,” Fili answered. “Dori! I know you have Oin on speed dial!”

Dori already had his phone out. “There’s a good reason for it,” he muttered before he hit the button.

Sigrid had busied herself examining the cut. “Probably stings,” she said. “Salt water and sand.”

“Yeah,” Kili said, not minding that the person who seemed most in control was a teenager. At least she didn’t looked panicked, like Gimli and Ori.

Dori got off the phone a moment later. “He said to bring you back to the hotel,” he said. “Can you walk enough with your shoes on?”

“Better not,” Fili said. “He’s already got dirt in that.”

Dori sighed, walked over, and lifted Kili easily. Kili yelped from the indignity of being carried like a child, but everyone ignored that. “Come on,” Dori sighed. “I can’t leave you all here alone.”

They sighed and headed back to the sidewalk. They weren’t too far from the hotel. “Sorry about this,” Fili muttered to Sigrid.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she said. “It’s not your fault…and I’ve had a lovely time.” She looked down. “I suppose I ought to head home…”

“You can come up,” Fili said. “I mean, there will be a dozen responsible adults on hand.”

She seemed to hesitate. “Won’t people talk?” she asked.

“Bilbo’s already written a press release saying you’re my cousin,” Fili said. “I don’t think anyone will mind.”

Sigrid shrugged. “Why not?” she said, and followed him into the hotel.

Kili was taken up to his room, where his foot was cleaned and stitched up in less than a minute. “Usual drill,” Oin said. “Try to stay off it, stitches come out in two weeks. Don’t do anything stupid until then.”

“That might be difficult,” Dori muttered. Kili pouted a bit.

Fili clucked at him. “Just do as they say,” he said. “Please.”

“Fine,” Kili muttered. “But I think I should have some ice cream after that.”

“It’s your own damn fault,” Dori grumbled, but Fili was already dialing room service. He tossed the TV remote to Sigrid as he waited for an answer. “Turn on what you like,” he said. “Want anything?”

“Just a Coke,” she said tentatively, sitting on the edge of the bed and flicking through channels for a moment. Dori frowned at her, but a sharp glance from Fili was enough to keep him quiet.

They didn’t say much the rest of the afternoon, just sat on the bed and watched whatever was on TV. Kili fell asleep at some point, but Fili and Sigrid still didn’t talk. They didn’t need to.

Finally, around six, Sigrid got up. “I should go home,” she said.

Fili nodded. “I’ll have someone drive you,” he said, nodding to Dori, who pulled out a phone and sent a message.

“Thank you for having me today,” Sigrid said as they waited. “I had a nice time.”

“So did I,” Fili said honestly. He pulled out a calling card. “Call me sometime.”

She nodded. “I will.” She smiled. “Look me up next time you’re in town.”

“I will,” he promised.

She left the room and Dori guided her down to the waiting car. She sat back and smiled, feeling a little less sad than before.


	14. In which Kili has a midnight tryst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili and Tauriel perform together in more ways than one.

**YouTube: Durin’s sons**

**The Longest Drive**

_“Hello, Durin’s Fans!” Kili greets to the camera in his hand. “So-"_

_“Your voice is too loud,” grumbles Fili from his bed in the tour bus._

_Kili rolls his eyes, but speaks a little quieter. “It’s morning right now, and early morning at that.”_

_“How are you even standing right now?” Bofur asks in a light tease._

_“Anyway, we’ve gotten the question of what we do on long bus drives. And what better time to show you than on the longest drive of this tour, from Seattle to Las Vegas, which is… seventeen hours? Something like that.” Kili turns the camera to the back of the bus, where the bunks are pulled out. “And what we primarily do is…” he rushes towards one bottom bunk and makes a little cooing noise. “Aww, Ori’s already out.” Ori is indeed completely asleep, curled up and snuggled under a blanket._

_“Wish you were,” Fili responds._

_“I had an extra cup of coffee before we left the hotel,” Kili explains. He keeps the camera on Ori for a moment more. “Isn’t he just the most adorable? We spend a lot of the time sleeping. Not the most exciting, I know, but there you have it.” He turns around to get Bofur waving from another bottom bunk, dressed in pajamas. “I promise he doesn’t sleep in the hat.” Fili sighs and waves as well when the camera was aimed at him. “Fili is quite tired as you can see.”_

_Nori comes out of the small bathroom, and goes straight to climbing the ladder to the bed above Bofur’s. Kili whips around to catch him, keeping the camera aimed high to only see the back of Nori’s head. Nori stops moving, sensing what Kili wants to do._

_“I’m sure all your ladies want to know what our bad boy wears, or does not wear, to bed.” Kili slowly panns the camera down, revealing Nori’s bare shoulders and back. “Look at those muscles, look at that body…” He keeps it still for a few seconds before getting to Nori’s waist for suspense effect. Then he shows the blue boxer shorts. “Yep, he sleeps in shorts, and nothing else. Sweet dreams to all you who dream about him.”_

_Nori shakes his butt a little, turns around on the ladder to show off his front and smile roguishly. Kili keeps the camera aimed above Nori’s waist for the bit of fanservice. Bofur throws a pillow at Kili. Nori climbs the rest of the way to his bed, laughing lightly. Kili throws the pillow back._

_“Sleep, now. Turn the camera off before I take it from you,” Fili grumbles, though there is a hint of amusement in it._

_“And there’s the grumpy older brother, my cue to sign off. We’ll all see you fans later.”_

*

Thranduil Greenleaf considered himself a reasonable man.

This assessment was his and his alone, because most other people who met him considered him to be arrogant, cold, and way too invested in his son’s music career.

It was hard to dispute any of those things, especially when he had to deal with Tauriel.

“You want to know what about your contract?” he asked in shock.

“What is says about music written with people outside the band,” she repeated patiently. “Kili Durin and I were working on something backstage and we’re trying to figure out who it actually belongs to.”

“Why were you and Kili Durin writing music together?” Thranduil asked wearily.

Tauriel gave him a flat look. “Because we were bored and don’t feel the need for all the posturing?”

Thranduil ignored that comment. “Well,” he said. “Depending on what his contract says, it belongs to both of you and neither band…which means you’d have to hammer out a whole new contract in order to record or play it.”

“We have five minutes during teardown and set up between bands,” Tauriel said. “We could just play it then and have no one claim it.”

“And what will that do to the respective albums?” Thranduil asked. “We’re here to promote King’s Sword, not experiment with new formats.”

“No one seems to mind new stuff,” Tauriel argued. “Durin’s Sons has played three new songs this tour and people love them!”

“That’s their problem,” Thranduil said. “It’s not my fault Oakenshield lets them run wild. But if you and Kili do that number during a concert, people will just keep asking for more from the two of you and that will seriously damage Princes of Mirkwood!”

“Why?” Tauriel asked. “It’s not like the band is going anywhere. And it’s just one song that two of us are doing without either band.”

Thranduil thought about it a little more. On the one hand, it would disrupt the flow of the concert. But on the other hand, it didn’t seem like something he needed to get in a pissing contest with Thorin over. “Fine,” he sighed in defeat. “But only because I don’t want to tangle with Durin’s Sons’ legal team.”

Tauriel beamed at him. “Thank you!” she said, and skipped off.

*

_Time has passed me all too soon,_  
_I’ve found out who I am,_  
_But I will still come back to you,_  
_As often as I can._  
_And so I make a promise,_  
_To keep you in my mind,_  
_A promise in the starlight,_  
_To bring you what I find._

“What’s that?” Thorin asked as he passed his nephew, who was picking at his guitar and singing quietly.

Kili blushed. “Just something Tauriel and I have been working on,” he mumbled, not meeting Thorin’s eye.

Thorin grunted. “You’re friends?”

Kili shrugged. “I mean…” He hesitated for a moment. “She isn’t like Thranduil, you know.”

“I know,” Thorin said. “Indeed, she seems a remarkable young lady.” He considered Kili for a moment. “I take it you want whatever you’re working on to be released sometime?”

“We were going to look at our contracts and see if we could play it tonight,” Kili admitted.

“Fine by me,” Thorin said. “Just don’t let Thranduil keep the rights. And don’t make a habit out of it.”

Kili smirked. “Well, we were also going to ask Mr. Grey if we could do an album later…”

“Get on with you!” Thorin said with a laugh. “You’ve got a ways to go before you can think about albums!”

“You’ve never written with her,” Kili said, maybe a little dreamily. “That woman is a genius, I swear.”

Thorin rolled his eyes. “You’d better not be planning to elope,” he said. “At least, not until after the tour.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Kili said innocently, and Thorin made a note to keep a closer eye on his wayward nephew.

*

“I’ve got extra light and sound cues,” Gimli said, passing the notes to a grumpy-looking stage hand. “Sorry about the short notice.”

“We’ll deal,” the stage hand said, heading off to the booth.

Gimli smiled in satisfaction and headed off to find something else useful to do.

“Hey, Gimli!” someone called. Gimli turned and felt his ears growing hot as Legolas came trotting over.

“Can I help you?” Gimli asked, trying to stand cool and professional and not like his stomach was suddenly filled with butterflies.

Legolas smiled at him and Gimli wondered why he had to be so damn tall. Gimli was by no means small, but next to Legolas, he felt horribly short and awkward. “I was returning this,” Legolas said, holding out one of Gimli’s physics textbooks. “You left it backstage in Seattle.”

“Oh…thanks,” Gimli said, taking it. “I was wondering where it was.”

“It’s pretty interesting,” Legolas said. “I was reading it on the drive here.” He was still smiling and dammit, Gimli did not need that right now. “You going into science?”

“Engineering,” Gimli said. “That’s where the money’s at if you can’t become a rock star…and I’m good at science and with my hands…working with my hands!” he added hastily, blushing more than ever.

“Oh, I can tell,” Legolas said and no, he was not flirting with him, there was no way Legolas Greenleaf was flirting with him! “You’ve been very good on this tour. I don’t think we’ve had such efficient setups since I started.”

“Thanks,” Gimli mumbled, looking at the floor. He’s almost thirty, don’t flirt with him. He’s almost thirty, do not flirt with him!

“Know where you’re going yet?” Legolas asked, leaning against the wall as though settling in for a long chat.

“I’m looking at a few places,” Gimli said. “Though I’ll probably stay in New York or go back to St. Paul…in-state tuition and I can stay with my parents and save on costs.”

Legolas nodded. “So that’s next year?”

“Year after,” Gimli said. “I still have a year of high school left.”

“That’s something special,” Legolas said. “I never finished.”

Gimli was surprised. “Why not?” he asked.

“Dad got me a record contract,” he said. “And there was never enough time after. I keep meaning to go back…get a GED at least…but I never have.” He looked sad. “I should.”

“You really should,” Gimli said. “I can help…if you want.”

Legolas’s smile grew. “I’d like that,” he said.

*

“Okay, so what’s the plan?” Nori asked wearily.

“We do our set, normal thing,” Kili explained. “Then you guys can go off, Tauriel will plug her guitar in, and we’ll do our song while the crew messes with stuff in the background. One mic, one light, super basic.”

“And this is going to help the band how?” Ori asked.

Kili gave them a pleading look. “Please, guys?” he said. “It’s just for one night and we wanna see how it goes over. Thranduil already sent a message down that it counts for Durin’s Sons so we don’t have to fight over the copyright.”

“Hey, I’m for it,” Bofur said. “Not like we have to do anything.”

“It’s a good little song,” Fili said kindly. “And you two sounded killer when you were practicing it backstage in Seattle.”

Ori and Nori sighed. “Guess we’ll live with that,” Nori said. “So when’s the wedding?”

Kili rolled his eyes. “Seriously, guys?” he said. “We wrote a song together. That doesn’t equal marriage.”

“You never write with anyone but Fili!” Ori pointed out. “It seems to be a super intimate thing for you! What were we supposed to think?”

“At least give me a chance to take her to dinner and get the paparazzi riled up!” Kili said.

“Trust me,” Fili said. “The paparazzi is already riled over the Sigrid rumors being debunked. Moment you and Tauriel show up on stage singing a new song in front of a sold-out audience, the relationship will be signed, sealed and delivered.”

“I can see the headlines now,” Nori said, his eyes a bit misty. “‘Over the Evenstar, onto the Daylight!’ ‘Professional rivalries ended—Durin and Sylvan lead us into a brave new world! Durin’s Sons and Princes of Mirkwood to combine into Princes of Durin! Thorin Oakenshield and Thranduil Greenleaf plan comeback reunion album!’”

Kili threw a throw pillow at him.

“Come on, Ki,” Fili said. “You guys gave me shit about my non-existent relationship. You can take a bit of it, too.”

“Except if Kili has his way, that relationship will exist before we get to St. Paul,” Bofur said. 

Kili pulled out his iPod and put on his headphones. “I’m not talking to any of you,” he said.

*

Kili had never been so nervous for a concert. Sure, he was usually fidgeting, but that was not nerves, that was just adrenaline.

But tonight…tonight, he didn’t know what to expect. If the audience would love the collaboration between him and Tauriel, or if they would protest the lack of enmity between them. Nevertheless, they had agreed to do this and they would succeed or fail together.

Of course, the only person besides them who was totally onboard with the idea was Bilbo, who had positively beamed when Kili had told him the plan. “It will do you good to be seen being friendly,” Bilbo said. “Outside of a bar, that is.” He pulled out his phone and started typing. “I’ll have answers prepared for the inevitable press questions about it.”

And now it was time. Durin’s Sons had just finished their set. The other boys started moving off and Kili grabbed a mic and took it forward to give the stagehands some room to work.

“Hello, Las Vegas!” he called, to cheers and applause. “So I wanted to try something new tonight. But first, please welcome to the stage Miss Tauriel Sylvan!” He gestured offstage and Tauriel came out, also to applause. “In case you guys didn’t know, tours can get a bit boring during downtime, so we’ve been working on a little surprise for you.”

“And since our lawyers couldn’t agree on whose contract this actually counts towards, we’re going to do it now!” Tauriel said, to laughter and a few whoops. “This is ‘A Promise in the Starlight.’”

She began to play and Kili joined in a few bars later, his simple chords keeping a steady backing to her more intricate fingering. He began to sing, his voice quiet, sincere, with just a touch of longing. She joined in on the next verse, their voices crossing and mixing in delicate harmonies.

Backstage, Thorin and Thranduil both stood, impressed by the sound of it.

“I have to admit, Oakenshield,” Thranduil whispered stiffly. “You taught your nephew well enough.”

Thorin smiled tightly. “Thank you,” he said. “Miss Sylvan isn’t bad, either. I see a long and glistening career for her.”

Thranduil frowned slightly, but just then, as though by magic, Bilbo appeared behind them. “Twitter is lighting up,” he whispered happily. “And I know that they’re not technically supposed to film, but I anticipate several million hits by the end of the night.”

“Got a statement prepared?” Thorin whispered back.

“Of course,” Bilbo said. “All shiny and ready to go…with both of your approval, of course.”

Thranduil smiled politely at Bilbo. “I’ll trust you,” he said. “After all, you’ve done a remarkable job of handling the Durins’ indiscretions so far.”

“Put the cocks away, boys,” Bilbo said, not looking up from his phone. “Save it for the after party.”

“The after party won’t happen until the tour’s over,” Thorin pointed out.

“Exactly.”

*

_BagEnd: New song by @KiliDurin and @TaurSyl! Check it out below! youtube.com/watch?v=NaRL442211 #PromiseInTheStarlight_

_VanessYoung: OMG! New song by @KiliDurin and @TaurSyl! So pretty! #PromiseInTheStarlight_

_TreeLand12: #PromiseInTheStarlight new fave song!_

_AraArathorn: New song from @DurinSons and @MirkwoodPrince. Expect blog post in morning. #PromiseInTheStarlight_

_TilBow54: @KiliDurin @TaurSyl You guys rock! Ship it! #PromiseInTheStarlight_

_KiliDurin: Check out the new song by me and my good friend @TaurSyl! youtube.com/watch?v=NaRL442211 #PromiseInTheStarlight_  
_Retweeted by Tauriel Sylvan, Durin’s Sons, Legolas Greenleaf, Princes of Mirkwood, Fili Durin, Thorin Oakenshield, Thranduil Greenleaf, Galadriel Lorien and 1,046 others._

*

“You did well,” Bilbo said to Kili as soon as he was backstage. “The internet won’t shut up about it…probably the only thing they’re going to take away from this concert unless Galadriel surprises us with a new song.”

“Probably not,” Kili said. “But nothing wrong with that. Might boost sales if people hope we’ll play it again.”

“Maybe,” Bilbo said. “Now go get your hair and makeup fixed before the autograph lines start.”

“Yes, sir.” Kili wandered toward the back, not feeling the need to divulge to Bilbo what Tauriel had whispered when he’d passed her to go off stage, or the keycard she had managed to slip into his jacket pocket without anyone in a crowd of thousands noticing.

But damn, that girl had very quick hands.

*

Dwalin Fundin wasn’t stupid. He could tell when any of the boys were up to something. And while the audience may not have caught the whisper and subtle hand movements when Kili left the stage, Dwalin did.

So when around one in the morning Kili announced he was “going to get some ice,” Dwalin wasn’t fooled for a moment.

“Don’t take the bucket, we might actually need it,” he said without looking up from his book. He reached into his jacket pocket and threw a packaged condom at Kili. “And I’m going to want a sample when you get back!”

Kili rolled his eyes and caught the offending object. “She doesn’t do drugs and she’s not allowed alcohol any more than we are.”

“She gave you a keycard under the eyes of thousands of screaming fans,” Dwalin pointed out. “And since I haven’t gotten a panicked phone call from Thorin yet, I’m assuming it’s not on the internet. Girl who can pull off a move like that could probably score anything with Thranduil none the wiser.”

“Surprised you’re letting this happen,” Kili said.

Dwalin shrugged. “You’re going to do it no matter what I say,” he said. “And if I try to stop you, you’ll just wait until I’ve fallen asleep and go out the window, and Oin said you’re not supposed to do anything stupid until we get back to New York.”

“Fair enough,” Kili said, and left the room. He slipped down the hallway quietly, pausing every few feet to ensure he hadn’t been followed, but he finally turned the corner and made it to the room Tauriel had told him. He knocked once before unlocking the door and slipping inside.

Tauriel was waiting for him, dressed in a short silk robe, lounging in an arm chair with her feet propped on one of the arm rests. She smiled as he came in. “Anyone notice you?” she asked.

“Just my bodyguard and he didn’t care to stop me,” Kili said. He turned to smirk at her suggestively. “You?”

“Sent mine to the corner store to get a long list of things,” she said. “He knows that means I want him gone for at least two hours and he won’t tell.” She stood up smoothly and walked to him. “So we have time to do as we please.”

Kili’s smiled widened. “And what would you like?” he asked softly.

She grinned and grabbed his shirt, pulling him up into a rough, needy kiss. Kili wound his arms around her waist and let her pull him back toward the bed. She fell back on it, dragging him down on top of her. Kili broke the kiss only to move down to mouth at her neck.

“No visible hickeys,” she said. “We have a show tomorrow night in Mormon central.”

“I know!” Kili hissed, but he kept kissing her, sloppy, open-mouthed kisses. “After all…” His hand moved down to the tie on her robe. “What happens in Vegas…” He undid the loose knot expertly. “Stays in Vegas.”

She laughed. “So let’s make sure it’s worth happening,” she whispered, and pulled Kili into another heated kiss.

*

Kili returned to his own room two hours later. Dwalin was still awake, though Fili and Ori were both asleep.

“Sample,” Dwalin reminded him without looking up.

Kili rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah,” he muttered, heading into the bathroom.

“How’d it go?” Dwalin called.

“Excellent,” Kili said. “And if this one comes out clean, you won’t object again?”

“Not until Orquite gets on it,” Dwalin said. “But tell Bilbo. He’ll want to be prepared.”


	15. In which some plans are made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo learns something interesting and starts to rally the musicians.

**Blog Post: “A Promise in the Starlight”**

**Aragorn Arathorn, Rivendell Press Online Edition**

**WHAT WHAT WHAT AAAAAAAA!**

**No, seriously, this is probably the most amazing thing to have happened in the entire history of Middle Earth Records. I am still speechless, even after listening to this song for the last twelve hours straight.**

**For those of you who were hiding under a rock last night, you missed the complete upset on Twitter over the new song by Kili Durin and Tauriel Sylvan, “A Promise in the Starlight,” which debuted last night at their Los Vegas concert.**

**To say that it’s the most beautiful thing that either artist has ever done doesn’t quite cover it. I admit the lyrics aren’t the best, but the music could rival anything Galadriel Lorien has put out recently. Sylvan and Durin play guitar well together, hitting a nice balance between chords and picking, and Durin’s voice combines better with Sylvan’s than Legolas Greenleaf ever could.**

**We’re all waiting on tenterhooks to hear if a single will be released, but you can bet that the moment it is, I’ll be getting it. Until then, like that YouTube video and encourage it!**

*

“Hey, Bifur!” Fili called out as everyone was handed their hotel keys in the lobby. At Bifur’s wave, Fili went over to him. “Can I talk to you for a bit? Over by those chairs?”

Bifur raised his eyebrows at the request, but nodded. Fili told the others to go up to the rooms without them. They sat down and as soon as the others had gone, Bifur signed, _“What’s going on?”_

“Nothing bad.” Fili opened his backpack and dug through it. “Just didn’t want the others to tease me about this. You know how they can get. And I wanted to show you, since it’s your area of expertise.”

_“Fair enough.”_

“Ah, there they are.” Fili pulled out a set of wood carvings. He handed them to Bifur. “What do you think?”

Bifur didn’t respond until after he had studied the technique and workmanship of the small statues and landscape engravings. He set them down in his lap. _“Quite good.”_ He smiled. _“Gift from a fan?”_

“A certain one, yeah.”

_“Girl from San Francisco?”_

Fili nodded. 

_“Sixteen, yes?”_

“Yeah.”

_“Surprised none of these have ‘I heart Fili’ on them somewhere.”_

“Hey, not you too. I didn’t show the others for a reason.”

_“Sorry, only teasing.”_ Bifur picked up a mermaid statue and placed it on Fili’s knee. _“For her age, she is very talented. Very good work with here,” he pointed to the tail. “Scales are delicate work, she did a good job with them.”_

“Anything you would say she should work on?”

Bifur looked closely at the engravings. He placed one on Fili’s knee and pointed to a set of small cuts disconnected from anything. _“False starts. Though she’ll get better at not having them as she gets better.”_

“I’ll be sure to let her know to watch out for that.”

_“You talk to her still?”_

“Yeah, have been regularly since the essay contest.”

_“Anything we need to worry about?”_ Bifur asked with a cheeky grin.

Fili swatted the older man’s knee. “She’s underage, remember? You can be just as bad as Bofur, you know that?”

_“Where do you think he learned some of it from?”_

Fili laughed. “Maybe you need to get someone to occupy your attention instead of making jokes about me and Sigrid.”

_“Doesn’t stop Bofur, Nori, and Kili,”_ Bifur pointed out.

“For some reason, I expected you to be better,” Fili chided, though he was smiling. “Anyway… maybe if there’s an opportunity sometime, you can see her whole collection of stuff.”

_“That would be nice. Always good to see young artists. She’s about the same as Bofur was at her age.”_

“I don’t know how much practice she’s had compared to him, but she’ll love to know that.” 

Bifur gave the rest of the carvings back. _“We should head upstairs, before someone gets worried.”_

“Yeah. Thanks. This’ll mean a lot to her.” 

_“Anytime.”_

*

No one had actually asked Gandalf to stick around after Austin, but nobody had actually told him to go away, either, so he had travelled with them, and since he had spent the last two weeks doing nothing but run up hotel bills, no one bothered him. After all, he wasn’t causing trouble.

So Bilbo was very surprised when Gandalf cornered him at breakfast one morning in Denver. No one else on the tour was awake—Bilbo was an early riser and liked to avoid the rush.

“No,” Bilbo said before Gandalf could even open his mouth.

“You don’t even know what I was going to say!” Gandalf said, stealing one of Bilbo’s muffins.

“I don’t care what you’re going to say,” Bilbo snapped. “You already caused me a major headache back in Texas and I’m not going to let you drag me into another one!”

“How was I supposed to know that there were paparazzi hanging around?” Gandalf asked. “I mean, I didn’t see him until Ori pointed him out!”

“And lucky for you that Ori was paying attention,” Bilbo said. “But that’s not the point. The point is, you dragged everyone out into a vulnerable position and made a lot more work for me, so whatever you want, no.”

“It’s about Thorin,” Gandalf said. “And Erebor.”

Bilbo paused. That was not at all what he was expecting. “What about them?” he asked.

Gandalf reached into his briefcase and pulled out a sheaf of papers, which he passed to Bilbo. Bilbo glanced at them and his breath caught. “Is this really…?”

“Yes,” Gandalf said. “The contract between Erebor and Smaug, signed thirty years ago by Thorin Oakenshield and Balin and Dwalin Fundin.”

“Where did you get it?” Bilbo asked.

“I have connections, but that’s not the point,” Gandalf said. “Read section seven.”

Bilbo leafed through the papers until he found the relevant section. It was very long and jargon-filled, but he finally found what Gandalf was pointing out.

_In the case that any section of this contract is breached by the undersigned Party A, all products produced by Party A, along with the brand name of Erebor, shall belong to the undersigned Party B for a period of thirty years from the date of signing, or until an agreement is made to terminate the terms of this contract…_

Hurriedly, Bilbo flipped to the last page and looked at the dates beside the signature. Slowly, his face broke into a small smile and he looked up at Gandalf.

“How long have you known?” he asked eagerly.

“Since before we started work on the albums,” Gandalf answered. “Do you really think three bands on the same label drop records at the same time? No, of course not. It drives the marketing department insane. But I needed Erebor and Thranduil together and they won’t do that on their own.”

“Why do you need them together?” Bilbo asked. “You just have to explain this to Thorin and it’s done!”

“Except Thorin won’t listen,” Gandalf said. “I tried mentioning it to him when I found that bit of fine print, but he said he didn’t want to hear it anymore. No, I have a plan for how to not only break it to him, but to introduce Erebor to the world again.”

Bilbo leaned back. “And I’m involved?” he asked.

“Well, you’re certainly the only person who can summon all the musicians together without raising suspicions,” Gandalf said. “Especially now that young Kili and Miss Sylvan have taken over the internet. Now listen very, very carefully because you won’t have much time…”

*

Nori opened the door of the Princes of Mirkwood tour bus a couple inches to peek out, checking if the coast was clear. At sight and sound of no one, he opened it the rest of the way, jumped out, and quickly closed it. He was about to congratulate himself on breaking into the tour bus and leave without getting caught, then a stern voice from behind told him to freeze, which he did. 

Nori slowly turned and put on his best smile, even though he knew it would have no effect. “Hey, Dwalin…” 

“What were you doing?” Dwalin folded his arms and glared.

“Nothing, no idea what you’re on about.” Nori put his arms behind his back and tried to put on his best innocent face.

“Oh really? You just snuck out of the Princes of Mirkwood bus. A bus that was otherwise empty.” 

Nori dropped the act and muttered, “Didn’t exactly sneak out if you caught me right away. So… how did you know where I was?”

“I noticed you missing about thirty minutes ago. I simply drew on all my past experience of finding you from back when you did your teenage runaway stints. Now turn out your pockets.”

“Hey, I didn’t steal anything. You know I don’t do that anymore.”

“Turn out your pockets, or I’ll take you to Dori.”

“Fine,” Nori sighed, taking everything from his jeans and hoodie pockets. “See? Nothing that isn’t mine.” 

“I don’t have to conduct a strip search, do I?”

“You know the only items that still have any value after being up someone’s ass are drugs.”

“Cavity check, good idea.” 

Nori’s eyes widened for a second before he realized Dwalin was joking. He pushed the other man’s shoulder. “Good one. But if you did, you would be the one explaining it to Bofur.”

“So what did you do? I know you didn’t break in just to sit in there.” 

“Just a bit of switching things around, nothing bad.” At the disbelieving look, Nori insisted, “I swear! I didn’t hide any stink bombs or skunk spray or anything like that in there. I just-“

At the sound of the three members of Princes of Mirkwood and Thranduil talking approached, Nori took Dwalin’s arm and quickly led him to hide behind an equipment truck. He peeked around the corner to watch the other four, who had just entered their bus, stifling his laughter with a hand. Dwalin leaned over him to look, too. 

They couldn’t hear them talking, but they could see their confused and somewhat alarmed expressions through the windows as they tried to figure out what happened. 

“So what did you move around?” Dwalin whispered, shrinking back as Lindir’s gaze passed their way. They peeked around the truck again after a few seconds. 

“Bedding, food, various personal items… basically anything that wasn’t nailed down.” 

“Dare I ask why?”

“Kili’s with Tauriel, right? I thought I would… welcome her into the family.”

“You know most people do that with cookies or pot roast or something.”

“You can bake her cookies.” Nori suddenly jumped back and shoved Dwalin as Thranduil stepped out of the bus with his phone to his ear. “Probably calling security.” He dropped down to watch Thranduil’s feet through the bottom of the truck. “Coming this way.” 

Dwalin glanced around. “Nowhere else for us to hide,” he hissed. 

“Shit, he’s coming around to this side.” Nori reached up and yanked Dwalin’s pant leg. He didn’t say anything else as he rolled under the truck. With a resigned huff, Dwalin followed. 

Both men held their breath and stayed completely still as they watched Thranduil’s feet circle around the truck. There was a particularly tense moment when the band manager stopped only a few inches from Dwalin’s face. 

Finally, Thranduil stepped away, going back to the tour bus. Nori and Dwalin slowly let out their breaths and rolled out from under the truck. They dusted themselves off and started heading back to where the rest of the Durin’s Sons crew was hanging out. 

“You going to tell Dori?”

Dwalin considered it for a moment. “Nah, Thranduil’s face was pretty funny. I’ll let you off easy, this time.” 

“This time?”

Dwalin sighed. “Sometimes I have to remember I get paid to put up with all of you, especially you.”

“You love us and you know it.” Nori slid his hand into Dwalin’s jacket pocket and stealthily withdrew the keys there. He quietly put a little sideways distance between them. “Hey Dwalin… I did steal something.”

“Are you serious?” Dwalin turned.

Nori jingled the keyring, grinning mischievously. Then he took off running. 

“You little shit,” Dwalin muttered before giving chase. 

*

“So you all know what you’re going to do?” Bilbo asked briskly.

“Completely understood,” Galadriel said, going back to her phone.

“It’s gonna be hard to keep secret,” Legolas said. “I mean, we’ll have to come up with enough excuses to get away from them.”

“Don’t you worry about that, Greenleaf,” Nori said. “We’re used to coming up with ridiculous reasons to disappear now and then.”

“And we’ve only been arrested twice!” Bofur added cheerfully. “Well, as a group, anyway.”

Legolas did not look reassured and Lindir was positively alarmed, but Bilbo only rolled his eyes. “You’re not going to be arrested for this,” he said. “And if you really need an excuse, I can provide one that’s slightly more believable than whatever they come up with.”

“And this is all just to be nice?” Fili asked, smirking slightly.

“Yes,” Bilbo said. “And before you make the inevitable crack about my relationship to Thorin, let me tell you that it is not true, that I am asexual, and if this goes off correctly, your uncle will be perfectly happy with or without a relationship, so please stop the shipping jokes before I accidentally leak all of your emails to Sigrid to the tabloids.”

Everyone looked fairly shocked by this announcement, but Bilbo didn’t let that slow him down. “So, we’re starting that now, and by the time we get to Cincinnati, everything should be fine, right?” he asked with a smile.

“Yes, sir,” all of them muttered.

“Well, Kili, looks like you get to start,” Tauriel said, settling in with her guitar. “You know this best.”

“For one thing, we’re going to have to pick up our violins in St. Paul,” Kili said. “And your flute, Bofur...and it would be so much easier if we had Erebor with us for this.”

“We’ll have to go without,” Nori said. “But we can work out what we do have for now.”

“And I can play the parts we don’t have on the keyboard until then,” Bofur said. “Of course, once I get my flute back, I’ll need someone else to play melody lines…”

“Get young Gimli on that,” Galadriel said. “He can play the piano as well as any of you can, I’m sure.”

“Or I can do it,” Legolas said. “If it’s just a melody line…not like we need two bass players anyway.”

“How long is this piece, anyway?” Ori asked. 

“In its original form?” Fili asked. “Um…twelve minutes?”

“I’m sure you can manage,” Bilbo cut in. “There will be twelve, thirteen of you working on it. It’s going to be fine.”


	16. In which a secret is discovered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azog learns the boys' biggest secret.

_OreScribe: So funny story._

_OreScribe: Don’t know who remembers my first press conference with the band_

_OreScribe: But it didn’t go well._

_OreScribe: One reporter asked me when my first gig was going to be._

_OreScribe: I wasn’t really sure so I just said the first thing that came to mind._

_OreScribe: That was “Galadriel,” since I had been listening to “Few Remember” for an hour._

_OreScribe: Thankfully those videos aren’t on Youtube that I’ve seen._

_OreScribe: though I have been assured that “Galadriel” is always the correct answer._

_OreScribe: Don’t know why I just tweeted all that._

_OreScribe: God, bus drives are boring._

**Oriscriverprotection reblogged this from durinfans and added:**

_Beautiful cinnamon roll too good for this world, too pure. Also, the video is on Youtube! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaRL124567_

*

“Don’t take too long, you two!” Ori said to Nori and Bofur as he, Fili, and Kili left the Des Moines venue dressing room. They were expected to do one more check on sound before the audience was allowed in.

“Yeah, yeah,” Nori dismissively waved the three away and turned his full attention on Bofur when the door closed. He pushed Bofur down on the couch and straddled his legs. He pushed the other man’s hat off to run his fingers through the dark hair. 

Bofur chuckled. “You are insatiable.”

Nori grinned and moved in for a deep kiss. Bofur moaned into Nori’s mouth, unzipping Nori’s vest halfway down to run his hands along his bare chest. He couldn’t help but wish they had more than just a few stolen minutes today to be alone, but they would make it count. 

So engaged in each other were they, that they didn’t hear the slight creak of a door opening, or see a few quick white flashes. 

*

Bilbo plopped down on a sofa in the backstage area, taking a bite of a sandwich and taking out his phone to check the various celebrity sites. He had especially been keeping an eye on The Defiler since they had been in Orlando. He went to that site first, and nearly dropped his phone in shock at the most recent post. 

**Durin’s Sons in the Closet- Azog Orquite**

“Oh, no, no…” he muttered, slowly scrolling down the page. Four clear and centered photos of Bofur and Nori, on a couch, kissing deeply and hands all over each other. Bilbo put a hand over his mouth as he started reading. 

‘Durin’s Sons doesn’t have skeletons in their closet, but instead two of their own members…’

Bilbo closed his eyes for a moment before he scrolled back up to the top to look at the photos again. It was clearly Bofur and Nori, Bofur’s fang earring and Nori’s tattoo on his bicep definitely identifying them. He checked a few other celebrity sites, and paled when he saw a couple of them had already picked up the story. 

“Laddie, you alright? You look quite pale.”

Bilbo’s head snapped up at Balin’s voice. He clicked back to the Defiler website. “I’m alright, though we… we have a bit of a situation. Probably best if you’re sitting down.” 

Balin nodded and sat next to Bilbo on the couch. Without another word, Bilbo handed over his phone, and watched the band manager’s reaction. 

“Oh dear…” Balin let out a long sigh. “Though if it’s only the Defiler-“

“It’s not. Other sites have already picked it up. In terms of damage control, this is already spreading like wildfire. I’ve caught it too late to make them retract it. I mean, I can write a response right now, but…” Bilbo nervously tapped his fingers on his knee. “This is so personal, and I don’t know how they would all want to respond…” 

“If there’s nothing you can do about it now… this is quite the situation, indeed.”

“We should tell Thorin straight away,” Bibo said, standing, his sandwich completely forgotten on the table. 

“I wouldn’t, not yet,” Balin advised. “I don’t want the boys on stage to know anything is wrong and throw them off. Thorin is always in a spot visible from the stage and doesn’t leave it until they’re done. They’ll know something is wrong if we take him to tell him.”

“So we tell them after… right after their set is done? Or do we wait until after the autograph session?” 

“A couple hours isn’t going to make much difference in deciding what to do, since the photos are already out there. Though…” Balin looked at Bilbo’s phone again. “I don’t think we can deny it’s them. You can even see Bofur’s hat next to them.” 

Bilbo took his phone back. “You’re right. And denying would only cause more of a mess with this evidence.” He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “How could this have happened? Who was watching the door?” 

“I think… yes, Dwalin was on duty.”

“He wouldn’t have just let anyone walk in, and we all know what Orquite looks like, so…” Bilbo studied the photos again. “This isn’t an angle that could’ve come from the door Dwalin was guarding…”

Balin laid a hand on Bilbo’s shoulder to calm him before he could get too riled up. “We’ll need to ask the lads what happened, but after we’re all done here. Don’t let on that something’s wrong, not until we can all meet in complete privacy. Don’t even tell Thorin before.”

Bilbo let out a short humorless laugh. “He’s not one for hiding his emotions.” 

“Exactly.” 

“Hey, what’s going on?” Gimli greeted with a smile as he approached, textbook under his arm. 

“Nothing!” Bilbo replied a little too quickly. 

Gimli didn’t seem to notice and relaxed on another sofa. “I’ve reached my studying limit for the night.” He took out his portable video game and started playing. 

Bilbo and Balin glanced to each other, neither looking forward to calling an emergency meeting of the band and main crew.

*

“You know, the bus feels a lot bigger when everyone isn’t in here,” Kili remarked, scooting over on his bunk to give Bifur a place to sit. 

“So everyone got the emergency meeting message? Because this isn’t a party bus,” Bofur added. “I mean, we could try, but I think we’ve reached our comfortable space limit.”

“Yes, I sent one to all of our main crew,” Bilbo answered, doing a quick headcount. “Waiting on Thorin.” 

Thorin came onboard a couple minutes later, muttering an apology. Balin closed the bus door and looked to Bilbo to start the meeting. 

“Right, well… I know it’s late and everyone is tired, but this couldn’t wait until morning. I’ve been agonizing the past couple hours over how to break this to you.”

“We were dropped from the record label?” Kili joked. 

Bilbo let out a nervous little laugh. “Gandalf would’ve told you that. No, it’s… The Defiler got hold of something that I can’t fix. I want everyone to take out their phones and go to that site.” 

“Want to give us something specific we’re looking for on there?” Dori asked as everyone did as Bilbo said.

“You’ll- you’ll know it when you see it,” Bilbo replied. 

A few seconds later, a chorus of confused “what the fuck” sounded through the bus. 

“That’s… that’s us,” Bofur was the first to say, shocked at the photos. 

“In the dressing room we just left,” Nori continued.

“That’s… quite a compromising position,” Oin commented. 

“You said you can’t fix this?” Thorin asked Bilbo.

“It had already been picked up by other sites by the time I saw it. And I didn’t want to write a statement without your input, since this is a personal matter.” 

Thorin squeezed the phone in his hand after reading the first few lines of the article. “I want to know how this could’ve happened. Who was guarding the dressing room?”

Dwalin took a deep breath and raised his hand. He looked angry, but only at himself. 

“Explain,” Thorin prompted.

“I don’t know. I was standing outside the door every second the boys were inside. Fili, Kili, and Ori left to do a sound check. Nori and Bofur followed a few minutes later.”

“Was that the only opportunity Orquite had?”

“We didn’t have any more time to ourselves today,” Nori answered.

“Going by the time this was posted, that correlates with the sound check,” Balin confirmed. 

Kili’s eyes widened. “Oh shit… I know how this happened.”

Thorin turned on his nephew. “Explain.” 

“The dressing room has a door going outside,” Kili said.

“Which was locked,” Dwalin stated. “I made certain of that.”

“I stepped outside for some air. Just a few minutes. When I came back in… I guess I forgot to relock it.”

“You guess?” Thorin’s voice rose.

“I’m sorry.” 

“Orquite must’ve come in after he thought we left to find something incriminating. Like drugs, maybe,” Ori spoke up to take Thorin’s attention from Kili.

“Looks like he got something just as good,” Gloin remarked. 

“I don’t care why he went in, what matters is what he got.” Thorin glared to Bofur and Nori. “How did you two not notice him come in and taking pictures?” 

Bofur and Nori both opened their mouths to respond, but quickly shut them. Balin came to their defense. “Don’t blame them. They’ve been good about keeping discreet the entire time they’ve been together.” 

Kili let out a low whine. “I’m really sorry…”

“Don’t blame yourself,” Bofur consoled. 

“But it’s my fault. I left the door unlocked and let him get in.”

Bofur shook his head. “It was an accident. You didn’t mean to.”

Kili put his face in his hands and groaned. Bifur rubbed his back to comfort him, exchanging a look with Bofur. 

Everyone was quiet for a long moment. Bombur quietly asked, “So, what do we do?”

Dori pinched the ridge of his nose after looking at the photos again. “It’s obviously them. I don’t think we could possibly deny it.” 

“That’s what I was thinking,” Bilbo said. 

“So, we just tell everyone?” Fili asked. 

“They’ve already been told, with concrete evidence,” Bilbo pointed out. He let out a breath. “You don’t have to decide what to do or how to do it right now.” 

Thorin was about to argue, but Balin shook his head. Thorin looked at the faces of the band and crew, seeing the various mixes of confusion, shock, and upset that adorned each of their faces. The photos were about Bofur and Nori, but it could possibly affect them all. 

Thorin ran a hand over his face. “Fine. We’ll have some time to think it over.” 

“Can we… can we go home?” Ori quietly asked. 

“Yeah, can we leave here now?” Gimli agreed.

Bombur spoke up, “It wouldn’t be too much of a bother to cancel the hotel here for tonight. We might still get charged since we did check in this morning, but… If we leave in say… an hour, we could be in St Paul around three in the morning.”

“Make the arrangements with the hotel,” Balin said. “You could tell them there’s a small family emergency if they ask for a reason.” 

Bombur nodded. 

“So we swing by the hotel, pick up our stuff, and go?” asked Bilbo.

“Sounds like a plan,” Dwalin commented. 

“I suppose its fortunate St Paul was our next stop anyway,” Nori muttered. He laid his head on Bofur’s shoulder and let out a huffed breath. Bofur slid his hand into Nori’s and kissed the top of his head. 

“I’m really sorry…” Kili said again. 

“It was an accident,” Ori told him. “Any of us could’ve left the door unlocked.”

Kili fell quiet, and laid back against the wall, his hands still over his face. 

“Until we decide what to do, I’d say we stay off twitter, and whatever other social media you use, or at least not reply to anyone, or make any new posts,” Bilbo advised. 

Everyone nodded, and fell quiet again. Then Thorin roused them with, “Come on, we have to get back to the hotel so we can leave.” 

Once Bifur got off his bunk, Kili took out his phone and sent a quick text to Tauriel. ‘Can’t meet you tonight. Leaving for St Paul early. Small family emergency.’

Dori and Bifur went to stand in front of Nori and Bofur and they patted their shoulders. Dori said, “You see that Azog Orquite, point me in his direction and don’t hold me back.” 

Nori let out a short humorless laugh. “Don’t think violence on him would help our case any.” He sighed, “But thanks for the support.” 

*

As soon as the bus was all packed, Fili pulled out his phone and started scrolling through it.

Bilbo frowned. “I thought I told you to stay off.”

“I’m calling my mom,” Fili said defensively. “So that she knows we’re coming.”

Bilbo nodded, and waved as he got off the bus to ride with Thorin. 

Fili hit the call button. The phone rang several times before Dis answered. “Yes?”

“Mama?” Fili said, and he surprised himself with how small he sounded.

“Fili? What’s the matter, love?”

“We…we’re coming home tonight.”

“Tonight?” Dis’s voice was confused. “Fili, it’s nearly midnight. I thought you wouldn’t be home until tomorrow.”

Fili swallowed, trying to keep his voice steady. “We have a situation…the tabloids found out about Bofur and Nori and…and we wanted to come home and no one can sleep anyway, so…”

“I’ll make you some supper,” Dis cut in. “Do I need to call Peg?”

“I think Bombur’s calling her and Gloin’s already alerted Marnie…we’ll be there around three-thirty.”

“How are they doing?” Dis asked.

Fili glanced across the bus to where Bofur and Nori were still curled together, clinging on tight as though afraid that they would be separated. “Mostly in shock, I think,” he said. “But probably also afraid Thorin’s going to make them end it.”

“I’d like to see him try,” Dis said, her voice dangerously low. “You tell them from me that it will all be fine…and tell Dwalin that yes, I have set aside his special cookie jar for him.”

Fili laughed, a bit hysterically. “Thanks, Ma.”

“I’ll see you soon, sweetie. Try to sleep before that…or at least make sure Kili does.”

“I will. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

Fili hung up and slumped back in his bunk, hoping that his mother was right and everything would turn out fine.

*

“I take it you’re not going to sleep either?” 

Ori looked up from his blank notebook page, a page that he had been staring at for the past half-hour, as long as they had been driving so far. 

“Mind if I sit with you?” Dwalin asked. “You look like you could use the company.”

Ori sighed and glanced to the other occupants of the bus. Fili and Kili were sitting together quietly, Bofur and Nori still hadn’t moved from their position curled up on Bofur’s bed with each other, Bifur was staring out of a window, and Dori was driving. 

“I’m fine,” Ori replied. “I’m not the one who just had his secret personal life exposed.”

“You’ve been staring at that same page, not writing anything,” Dwalin pointed out. 

With a little smile, Ori relented. He sat up and made space for the older man to sit next to him. He set his notebook down and clasped his hands together, letting out a huff of breath. He joked, “You’ll make your cookies when we get home, right?”

“Anything to make you feel better. I’ll even let the others have some.” 

“You must really be in a generous mood,” Ori teased. 

“As long as they don’t get used to this special treatment,” Dwalin joked back. After a moment of quiet, he asked, “Are you really alright?”

Ori’s lip quivered as he shook his head. “I’m worried about them. I’m… I’m scared for them. If the public overall doesn’t approve, does that mean they can’t be with us anymore? Or-“

Dwalin put his arm around the younger man to calm him before he could get too worked up. “Hey, they’re Bofur and Nori, getting into and out of trouble is their specialty.” 

The corners of Ori’s mouth twitched upwards. “I know, but what if Bilbo can’t fix it? If they can’t fix it?”

“Then we’ll cross that bridge if we get to it.” Dwalin gently turned Ori’s face to his. “I want you to listen to me, Ori.”

Ori nodded and tried to smile.

“I want you to believe me when I say that they’ll be fine, you’ll be fine, Fili and Kili will be, all of you will be. Unless something that directly contradicts that happens, believe it. And believe that I will always protect you, all of you, the best I can.” 

Ori’s smile turned watery, and his breath hitched in his throat. “I hope you’re not blaming yourself for this.”

“I’m not blaming anybody. It was an accident,” Dwalin assured him. “Now, take off your glasses.” 

“What?”

“I want at least one of you to get some sleep over the next three hours.”

“Okay.” Ori took off his glasses and put them in the small drawer under his bed. He let out a little noise of surprise when Dwalin pulled him down onto his side, so that his head was resting on the older man’s lap. 

They scooted back until they were fully on the bed and comfortable, and Dwalin spread the blanket over Ori. “You’re going to stay with me?” the younger man asked in a whisper.

“Why not? I haven’t got anywhere else to be at the moment.” 

Ori let out a content little sigh, a small shiver going down his back as Dwalin started to pet his hair. He had gotten over his puppy-love crush on him a good while ago, at least most of it, but this was still nice. He closed his eyes and muttered, “You do make the best cookies…”

“So you only love me for my cookies, huh?” Dwalin teased lightly.

Ori let out a sleepy sort of giggle, and shifted his head to get more comfortable.

Dwalin looked down to the young man drifting off to sleep in his lap. He had known about Ori’s less-than-innocent affection towards him since the start of that phase in his teen years, though it never affected how Dwalin treated him. Dwalin had been annoyed by it at first, then more amused, and now… Now that it had dissipated, Dwalin’s urge to protect and indulge him never had. 

“It’ll be alright… I’m here to protect you…” Dwalin whispered as he leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes.


	17. In which the boys reach home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys return home and decide what to do next.

**Durin’s Sons in the Closet**

**Azog Orquite, The Defiler**

**Durin’s Sons doesn’t have skeletons in their closet, but instead two of their own members. Exclusive photos from backstage at the Civic Center in Des Moines show that Bofur Mattocks and Nori Scriver are a little bit more than “just friends.”**

**No word yet as to how long the affair has carried on or why it has been kept secret. Could it be that the boys are ashamed of their deviant members? Or has manager Thorin  
Oakenshield simply kept the boys silent to bolster ticket sales?**

**Whatever the reason, sorry to break it to you, girls, but these two young men are clearly off the table and too ashamed to admit it—as they should be. Durin’s Sons have always been questionable role models, so let’s see how this new scandal affects their career.**

*

Dis Durin loved all her sons and had from the moment they had all come under her wing. And that didn’t just extend to Fili and Kili—as far as she was concerned, every boy under the age of forty was her son and she would do everything in her power to help every one of them. They were her babies and always would be. And now someone had hurt her babies. And the one thing anyone could tell you is to never hurt Dis’s babies.

Peg Smith was of a similar vein. While she didn’t have quite the maternal streak that Dis did, she was very protective of her son and nephews, and would unleash her infamous Irish temper on anyone who dared even look at them the wrong way. It had taken almost three weeks for her to speak to Thorin again after Bifur had taken the axe to the head, and even longer before she would speak anything but Gaelic to anyone.

Marnie Farin only thought of herself as having one child, but she still held the other boys very dear to her heart. She could be called on any time there was trouble to help sort it out and come in, quiet and burly and ready to work. She wasn’t as bad-tempered as Peg, or as coldly scary as Dis, but she was quite intimidating, even when her task was incredibly mundane.

Brian Mattocks loved his sons more than anything else in the world, and while he was not a violent man, he was still quick to jump to their defense or do whatever needed doing when they got themselves into scrapes, which was unfortunately often. He usually deferred to the women of their neighborhood, though, and they never once steered him wrong.

So it was that all four of them gathered in the kitchen of the big house the band owned in Saint Paul at one in the morning with the intent of figuring out exactly what they could do to help the latest situation.

“Right,” Dis said as soon as they all arrived. “The boys are coming home tonight, which means we will have upwards of twenty people in the house. They’ll be arriving around three and will likely all be exhausted and hungry, so we need to get them comfort food and bed. Marnie, come with me, we’re making fifty sandwiches. Peg, coffee, tea, and cocoa. Brian, go change all the sheets and set up one of the guest rooms, there’s a new crew member coming in.”

“Is it as bad as it sounds?” Marnie asked, going into the kitchen and grabbing the necessary instruments for feeding twenty people on short notice.

“Yes,” Peg sighed, going to plug in the coffee maker. “I had a look at the article as soon as Bombur called and it’s awful. I’ll never know how tabloids can spin things to make them as absolutely terrible as they can possibly be.”

Dis shook her head as she got out a knife. “I couldn’t bear to look,” she said. “I just know they’re going to need all the love we can give them.”

“Well, that’s an awful lot,” Marnie said soothingly. “Between the four of us and the rest of our family, I think they’ll all be just fine.” She glanced across the counter at Dis. “You mind if we stay here tonight? I don’t think I’ll be able to get Gimli moved home after all this excitement.”

Dis waved the knife in her hand. “Go ahead, there’s plenty of space…and it might be comforting, knowing all the people who love them are nearby.”

Peg grunted. “All I know is that if I ever see the reporter that wrote that story, I’m going to show him what happens when people mess with my boys.”

“You do that, Peg,” Marnie said. “Just leave us a piece of the action.”

*

“Hope you’re prepared for this,” Thorin murmured to Bilbo as they pulled into what seemed to be a very nice gated community in St. Paul.

Bilbo shrugged. “I’ve dealt with worse PR crises,” he said. “The Shire was even more indiscrete than these boys.”

Thorin shook his head. “I wasn’t referring to that,” he said. “I was referring to the Terrifying Council of Suburban Moms Who Know Better than You, So Shut Up, Thorin, the Women Are Talking.”

Bilbo blinked. “What?”

“My sister,” Thorin elaborated. “And her little posse, Bifur’s mother Peg and Gloin’s wife Marnie…and Bofur and Bombur’s dad Brian, but he mostly just stays out of the way.”

“They can’t be that terrifying,” Bilbo said.

Thorin raised his eyebrows, but didn’t say more as they headed up the walk to a very large house on the corner. The boys were ahead of them, stumbling along in their shock and exhaustion, but Fili was at least coherent enough to get the door open. The entire crew staggered inside, dropping their overnight bags by the door.

“Mama?” Fili called.

A short, stocky woman appeared in a doorway near the entrance. Bilbo was immediately struck by how much she resembled Thorin and concluded that this had to be the infamous Mama Dis. Her face broke into a warm smile as she hurried across the hall. Fili and Kili immediately darted into her arms, hugging her tight.

She was followed by two other women, the taller of whom went straight for Bofur, Bifur and Bombur, all of whom fell on her. Bilbo could swear he heard Bofur crying a bit as he hugged her, and Bifur said a few words in Gaelic that she answered easily. The last woman rushed to Gimli and enveloped him in her arms. Gimli tried to look embarrassed, but couldn’t quite manage.

The next few minutes were a whirl of embraces and excited chatter. Dis hugged Nori and Ori just as long as she had her own sons, and then whirled on Thorin. “You’re not going to separate them,” she said without any other greeting.

Thorin blinked. “I hadn’t even considered doing so,” he said. “I’m not completely heartless, Dis.”

She gave him a sharp look, but softened quickly enough and hugged him. “Good,” she said. Her eyes then turned to Bilbo. “And you must be Mr. Baggins,” she said with a smile. “I must thank you for at least trying to keep my boys out of trouble.”

“Just doing my job, ma’am,” Bilbo mumbled.

“Don’t ma’am me,” she said. “Call me Dis…and that’s Peg and Marnie, and Brian is around somewhere…but we’re all family in this house and no one stands on ceremony.”

“Then call me Bilbo,” he said. “But right now, I think we all needs food and rest if that’s possible?”

“Of course,” she said. “Boys!” They all stopped chattering and looked at her. “There are sandwiches in the kitchen, and your usual drinks, and whatever else you want, so go eat!”

They all moved into the kitchen, still talking a bit too loud, all seeming quite hysterical after the day’s ordeal. Bilbo did his best to navigate through them as they all grabbed food and hot drinks and took their places at the large table, somehow always managing to never get in each other’s way.

As soon as everyone was seated and had their food, Thorin signaled them all to be quiet. “Okay,” he said. “Now, we have a very delicate situation and…”

Dis glared. “Thorin, how many times have I had to tell you, no business at the table!”

“But this is important!” Thorin protested.

“No,” Dis said. “You’re all too exhausted to do this now. You’re going to eat your supper, Kili is going to tell me who this Sylvan woman he seems to be connected to is, then you’re all going to get a proper night’s sleep and we’ll handle this in the morning.”

“But by morning it could be too late!” he protested.

“Dis is right,” Nori mumbled. “Whatever we’re going to say is going to be the same whether we say it now or in six hours.”

Thorin sighed, but couldn’t find it in him to argue further as Gimli fell asleep right on the table and Kili started stuttering to his mother about Tauriel.

*

“Everyone else heads for bed, and you’re here.”

Dwalin managed not to drop the cookie sheet full of flattened mounds of dough in his startled state. He’d had enough experience with the boys when they were children trying to surprise him to accidently drop things now. He opened the oven, slid the pan in, closed the door, then turned to his brother. “Ori wanted me to make some cookies for tomorrow… later today, whatever.”

Balin leaned forward onto the kitchen island, watching as Dwalin set the timer and started cleaning up. “You’re troubled,” he observed.

“Who isn’t?” Dwalin replied dismissively. “You should’ve seen the boys on the drive here.”

“I meant that you’re blaming yourself.” 

Dwalin turned to start washing the dishes he had used. He turned off the water and spun around a short moment later at the sensation of being stared at. Balin was giving him that look, the one that said he knew exactly what was going on in your head, and that there was no point in denying it, so you might as well confess it.

“I hate it when you look at me like that.”

“I’m sure I’ve heard that from everyone at one point or another.”

Dwalin went back to the dishes, and the two men didn’t say anything until he had finished. “You’re not going to go to bed until I’ve unburdened myself on you,” the younger one concluded.

“I would like for you to get some good sleep.”

Dwalin rubbed the bridge of his nose, then leaned forward against the other side of the island. “I let them down,” he said after a long moment. “The boys, Thorin, everyone.”

“I don’t feel let down by you.”

Dwalin shook his head with a small humorless laugh. “You’re supposed to say that.” 

“It wasn’t your fault.” Balin placed a hand on his brother’s tattooed one. “It could’ve happened with Dori, Bifur, Thorin… any of us there.”

“It was an accident, I know, Ori told me not to blame myself too.” 

“Then why are you?”

“Because… because they got hurt on my watch. Doesn’t that make it personal?”

“Perhaps, but you didn’t fail them. Orquite was determined to figure out a way into that dressing room. He just happened to find the right time to do so.”

“I know…” Dwalin sighed.

“Don’t beat yourself up over it. There’s more than enough self-blaming going on.”

“Why aren’t you talking to Kili, then?”

“Fili’s been working on him. And sometimes… your feelings get overlooked.” 

Dwalin patted Balin’s hand and nodded. “Thank you.” 

Both men slightly jumped at the sudden beeping of the timer. Dwalin slid on an oven mitt, retrieved the sheet, and started moving the cookies to a cooling rack. “Want one after they’ve had a couple minutes to cool?” he offered.

“Fresh from the oven? How could I resist?” 

*

“Bofur?” Nori whispered after a long time of them simply laying in their bed together, Nori’s head on Bofur’s bare chest.

“Aye?”

“Do you think that Thorin would try to… to-“

Bofur lightly tugged his boyfriend’s hair. “I don’t think so.” He tilted Nori’s face up so he could look into his eyes. “Nori, the two of us… we’ve lost so much, and we’re only twenty-five. We… we were fortunate not to lose more.”

“Ori and Bifur,” Nori murmured. 

Bofur sadly nodded. “Point is, we’ve been through so much, so I don’t think Thorin would try to take us from each other.”

“You better be right, because if he even suggests it-”

“You’ll put rocks in his bed, like that one time when we were… seven?”

That got the wanted reaction of a little laugh from Nori. “I’ll have to move up from rocks.” 

“Sharp and pointy rocks, then?” At the playful glare, Bofur added, “Sharp and pointy sticks?”

Nori swatted the other man’s shoulder before settling back down on his chest. “I suppose that’s a step up from rocks. Might leave splinters.” 

“If it’ll make you feel better, first thing we’ll say at the inevitable meeting is that we will not split up, and no one better consider it an option.”

They were quiet for another minute before Bofur said, “Really, I’m more worried for the others. I know I can take whatever insults people will throw at me over this. I know you can-“

“I won’t let them get away with any aimed at you. But anything they say about me, yeah I can take it. But you’re right, we’ve kept discreet for five years to protect them. Surely some of the less friendly crowd will go after them too.”

“They’ll stick by us, no matter if it hurts them. Though maybe… maybe it won’t be as bad as we think it is. We haven’t checked twitter or anything since Bilbo told us.” 

“I’ll keep it that way until tomorrow at least. I’d rather not read anything bad people say about you right now.” 

“You’d never get to sleep,” Bofur said lightly.

“Exactly, and you know what a terror I can be when I go to bed angry.” 

“Terror to everyone in the morning, or to the bed and me?” Bofur teased.

Nori chuckled. “Both, depending on how angry.” 

“Not that I would object to you taking it out on me and the bed before you went to sleep.” 

“I’ll pass,” Nori replied, kissing the skin of his boyfriend’s chest. “So, if we do the vlog where we admit to this lecherous-“

“Absolutely filthy-“

“Indecent-“

“Child-corrupting-“

“Affair, how do we go about it?” 

Both men broke into a stress-releasing laughter. 

“Well, be ourselves, and keep it simple,” Bofur answered after their laughter faded. “I’m sure the other three would want to be in it to show their support, too.” 

“Should we let them? We did hide to protect them, after all, and if they’re in a video where we come out…”

“They’ll insist, and I won’t tell them they can’t. We’re all so close, and there would be no doubt in the public eye that they knew about us, so they might as well.” 

“I suppose…” 

Nori’s arm tightened over Bofur’s waist before he suddenly sat up and swung a leg over to straddle that waist. “Bofur…” his voice was low and his eyes glinted in the darkness. “I need you.”

Bofur sat up to capture Nori’s lips in a hard kiss. “Aye… I need you, too.”

Nori pushed Bofur back down to the pillows and started kissing his way down his body 

When they were finished and snuggled together under the blanket, Bofur stared up to the ceiling. He doubted either of them would get any real sleep, at least not more than a couple hours, their minds returning to the fact that their personal lives had been invaded. But they could still find some peaceful rest, in the quiet darkness of the room, in each other’s arms. 

“I love you,” Bofur whispered in the short hair under his chin.

“Love you,” Nori replied, placing a lingering kiss in the center of Bofur’s chest. 

*

Bilbo was glad to be sleeping in a regular bed again. Hotel beds were all too soft and it was nice not to have to share a room with Thorin—apparently, the boys’ house was built to accommodate large numbers of people.

So it was no surprise to Bilbo that he woke around ten feeling just as rested as he would have after a full night’s sleep. He got up easily and dressed slowly before picking up his phone and glancing at the emails that had come in during the night. Most of them were regarding the current scandal, and Bilbo had to fight very hard with himself not to respond to a few of the nastier ones, but one did catch his eye. Sighing, he opened it and skimmed the contents before hitting the reply button and typing out a quick message. Once it was sent, he pocketed his phone and wandered back down to the kitchen.

To his immense surprise, he found Dis, Bombur, and Dori already there. Dis and Bombur were moving around the kitchen with a sort of grace and familiarity that could only come from years of working in close quarters to each other, cooking an absolutely enormous breakfast. Dori stood by the coffee maker, obviously staying out of the way but ready to pour drinks for whoever came in.

“Morning,” Dis called as Bilbo came in. He didn’t know how she noticed him—she hadn’t even turned away from the stove.

“Morning,” Bilbo said. Dori poured hot water into a mug and put a tea bag in before passing it over.

Bilbo sat down at the table with his tea, watching the activity for a few minutes. “Do you need any help?” he asked tentatively.

“Not at all,” Dis said. “We’re used to feeding all of these knuckleheads on short notice.”

“I don’t appreciate them being referred to as knuckleheads,” Bombur said good-naturedly. “Surely they’ve moved up to dimwits by now?”

“Some of them,” Dis agreed. “Though depending on how today’s meeting goes, I’m not going to count my brother among them.” She held her hand out and caught the salt and pepper shakers that Bombur tossed her.

Bofur and Nori came into the kitchen. Bofur went straight for the coffee and Nori wandered over to the kitchen island, but he had barely reached for one of the muffins cooling on the rack before Bombur slapped his hand away. Nori sighed pitifully, but sat down at the table without actually complaining. Bilbo looked at him sympathetically—neither of the boys looked like they had slept at all.

The rest of the band and crew trickled in as the hour wore on, and by the time they were all there, breakfast was completely laid out. The meal was mostly silent, few people awake enough to carry on a conversation, but by the time all of them had eaten, they were all at least able to look clear-eyed at Thorin when he stood up.

“Meeting room,” he said, and the rest of the table rose and followed him. Bilbo had no idea why there would be a meeting room in a private house, but he followed the others willingly to a large, airy sitting room, with several couches and armchairs, a fireplace, and a window seat. Everyone moved instantly to what seemed to be assigned spots. Thorin glanced at Bilbo. “Chair by the door,” he said. “We usually keep it for Mr. Grey, but he’s the last person I want advising us about this.”

Bilbo nodded and took the last empty seat before glancing around the room. Everyone was settled comfortably, the family units mostly grouped together on the matching furniture. There was a silence before Bofur, seated in the window seat with Nori, finally spoke.

“We’re not breaking up,” he said. “So no one even think about that.”

Thorin sighed. “I know,” he said. “I wasn’t, I swear. But we do need to figure out how we’re going to deal with this without invading your privacy even more.”

“Well,” Bilbo said, getting into his PR headspace. “As far as I can tell, we have three options here. One, we deny everything, say the photos were faked to sell newspapers, and leave you two in the position you’re in now, with a thick layer of secrecy.”

“That’s a long shot,” Balin said. “I mean, those would be very well-faked photos and a very far-fetched story to just make up.”

Bilbo nodded. “So option one is out. Option two, we say nothing, let the press run rampant for a little while trying to sniff out confirmation or denial from us, and once they get bored, go back to this and hope it all goes away.”

“Which it won’t unless we do something even more drastic,” Thorin muttered.

“Probably not,” Bilbo agreed. “So that leaves us with option three, which is to make a statement confirming it, call Orquite out for the gross invasion of privacy, and take whatever shit storm follows.”

There was a pause as everyone considered this. Then Bofur sighed. “Probably the best bet,” he said. “I mean, if we deny it or say nothing, that’ll just add to the speculation…and you know how the press blows everything out of proportion.”

Nori nodded. “Besides,” he added with a smirk. “Maybe if we come out and say yes, we’re gay, it’ll give other kids the courage to stand up and be who they are…or whatever positive spin you want to put on this.”

There was a bit of laughter and Fili looked over at Bofur and Nori. “We’ll support you,” he said. “Whatever you need us to say to make it easier, we’ll say it.”

“There is another thing,” Bilbo said. “I did get an email from Thranduil this morning telling us that Princes of Mirkwood want to know what we’re saying about this so they know what they should do. I told him we’ll release a statement later today…so however you want to approach this, best figure it out now.”

“We’ll do a vlog,” Bofur said. “With a very basic statement…and maybe after the tour we can hold a press conference or Reddit Q&A to clear anything else up.”

Bilbo nodded. “Sounds good to me,” he said. “Let me know when you’re ready.”

“Concert’s tomorrow night, right?” Peg asked from where she sat beside Bifur.

“That’s right,” Bilbo said, wondering why she was asking.

Peg nodded. “Well, that’ll give us time to prepare,” she said. Dis and Marnie both smirked and Bilbo suddenly understood what Thorin had meant.

“All right,” Thorin said. “I suppose that will have to do. So you all rest up and don’t get into any more trouble!”

*

“Hello, all,” Bofur greeted to the camera. He cleared his throat and tried again, sounding a little more upbeat this time.

Nori jumped over the back of the sofa, sat, and put an arm around Bofur in one smooth movement. “So, we’ve got some business to attend to this vlog.”

“If you don’t know what that business is, you will now.”

“A certain paparazzo from a certain magazine published something yesterday about the two of us.”

“Though they were quite flattering photos,” Bofur said lightly.

“He did get my better side. Don’t know about yours, though.” 

Bofur half-smiled at the teasing and pointed his fingers down to the bottom half of the frame for the photos to be edited in. His face turned a little more serious. “In answer to the question I’m sure you’re all asking… Yes, Nori and I are together.”

“We’ll save any further details for after the tour is over. Probably a live Q and A of some sort.” 

“We assure all of you who are left to see us that this whole thing won’t affect the quality of our remaining shows, or the quality of anything else concerning our professional lives.” 

“For those of you who ship us-“ Nori grabbed the front of Bofur’s shirt and yanked him in for a short kiss. “There’s a bit of fanservice for you.”

Fili, Kili, and Ori approached and stood behind the sofa. Fili said, “And from the rest of us, we support them. We love them, and have their backs.”

“We love them, but not as much as they love each other,” Kili remarked with a grin.

Ori turned and stared at him. “That would just be weird.”

Bofur and Nori laughed. Bofur said to the camera, “Well, that’s it from us today, before it really does start to get weird.” 

Nori took his boyfriend’s hand and raised it up into view. “See you all later.” 

After the camera was turned off, the boys got up and left the room to go down for lunch. Dori was standing right outside.

Nori sighed. “Are you here to lecture us now?” he asked.

“No,” Dori said. “I just wanted to say…” He took a deep breath. “You’re doing the right thing, Nori. And I’m proud of you.”

A sob escaped Nori’s throat as he moved to hug his older brother. The other boys smiled as well and quietly left them alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those interested, Lady Scifi also made art of the album cover from the story: http://lady-sci-fi.tumblr.com/image/121123184039


	18. In which there is a fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys and Azog have a confrontation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: homophobic slurs, ableism, mild violence.

_DurinSons: An announcement. youtube.com/watch?v=NaRL65400_  
_Retweeted by Bilbo Baggins, Kili Durin, Fili Durin, Bofur Mattocks, Nori Scriver, Ori Scriver, and 200K Others_

 _MirkwoodPrince: @DurinSons You have our support_  
_Retweeted by Gandalf Grey, Legolas Greenleaf, Lindir Rivers, Tauriel Sylvan, and 180K others_

 _GalLorien: @BofMatt @NoriScri I’m proud of you both._  
_Retweeted by Gandalf Grey, Thorin Oakenshield, Dis Durin, Dori Scriver and 146K others_

_TilBow54: @BofMatt @NoriScri I knew it! Canon Ship!_

_OriScriverProtection: @NoriScri @BofMatt @OreScribe The Protection Squad is with you._

_BadBabe69: @NoriScri Kind of sad now… :(_  
_Treeland12: @BadBabe69 @NoriScri But think of the fanfics! And the pics!_  
_BadBabe69: @Treeland12 @NoriScri Haha, good point!_

_AraArathorn: Oh, look, another inconsequential non-scandal about people I don’t know…_

_Whowander: @DurinSons Guess we can’t have good role models anymore._

_Lastcrusade: @BofMatt @NoriScri God will judge you both!_

_Goodthingsend: @BofMatt @NoriScri @DurinSons All those love songs just sound icky now!_

_ChristianMercy33: @DurinSons @MirkwoodPrince @GalLorien @MiddleEarthRec Reselling these tickets. Can’t support fags and sinners._  
_GandalfGrey: @ChristianMercy33 Good. We don’t need your money._  
_Retweeted by Thorin Oakenshield, Bilbo Baggins, and Thranduil Greenleaf_

 _Greenwood: @MirkwoodPrince You support those fucking faggots? But you guys are so much better!_  
_LinRiver: @Greenwood @DurinSons are our friends and colleagues and I expect better from our fans._

 _Righteousboy78: Boycott the #ReclamationTour! @DurinSons have gone too far!_  
_OriScriverProtection: @Righteousboy78 @DurinSons OMG, it’s 2015! Gay people exist! Get over it!_

 _Flagirl999: Are we sure the news about @BofMatt and @NoriScri is true and not just a publicity stunt to generate sympathy?_  
_BagEnd: @Flagirl999 @BofMatt @NoriScri Do you really think I couldn’t think of a better publicity stunt than this?_  
_AzogOrc: @BagEnd @Flagirl999 @BofMatt @NoriScri I promise this is genuine. And remember you need us, Baggins_  
_BagEnd: @AzogOrc We don’t need parasites. Blocked._

_SigBowman16: @FiliDurin Please answer your phone!_

_TaurSyl: @BofMatt @NoriScri @KiliDurin @FiliDurin @OreScribe Are you guys ok?_  
_KiliDurin: @TaurSyl @BofMatt @NoriScri @FiliDurin @OreScribe We’re fine, I promise. See you tonight._

*

Thorin should not have been surprised when the doorbell rang less than an hour after the vlog had been posted. He sighed and went to open the door, hoping that it wasn’t anyone too unpleasant.

Unfortunately, it turned out to be Gandalf, looking a bit annoyed.

Thorin sighed. “Come in, Mr. Grey,” he said, leading Gandalf into the house. “I suppose you’re here to lecture us about making a move like this without your input?”

“No, I’m here to lecture you about leaving the hotel early,” Gandalf said. “And not telling me where you were going. I mean, it’s all well and good for you, but the rooms still had to be paid for and I had to find out you were having a family emergency from Tauriel of all people! And of course she didn’t know the details so there I was, worried that one of the boys had hurt themselves and was bleeding out, which was the only reason I could think of for you to come to Saint Paul and not an emergency room in Des Moines!”

“Sorry,” Thorin grunted. They sat down at the kitchen table. “The boys just wanted to come home…be with people who love them.”

“Understood,” Gandalf said. “And now what are you planning to do?”

Thorin shrugged. “Go on as usual. We don’t have much choice here.” He looked up anxiously. “You’re not going to drop them, are you?”

“Of course not,” Gandalf assured him. “That would just be stupid. I just wonder if they can go on.”

“They’ve powered through bigger tragedies. I think they can handle one vindictive reporter…speaking of, do we know why he’s so determined to destroy us?”

“I haven’t sat him down for a friendly chat if that’s what you’re asking. Most likely he’s just trying to make a quick buck off of them while they’re popular.” Gandalf glanced around. “Where’s Bilbo?”

“Glued to his laptop. His email hasn’t stopped pinging since the announcement. I’ll get him if you want.”

“No, that’s all right. Just tell him to be prepared for battle tonight.” Gandalf stood abruptly. “We’ll be at the hotel if you care to join us for dinner.”

“Thanks, but Dis is insisting on feeding us.” Thorin watched Gandalf leave and sighed again, hoping that they could survive the upcoming concert and inevitable media frenzy.

*

Bilbo took a deep breath and looked at the musicians across from him on the bus. “Right,” he said. “Everyone ready?”

The boys nodded, all looking a lot more frightened than Bilbo had ever seen them. “Can we hold hands?” Nori asked, not even sounding the slightest bit sarcastic.

Bilbo smiled at him. “You can do whatever you need to,” he said. He glanced to the rest of the crew, who all looked stone-faced back at him, which Bilbo took as a sign that they were ready. “Okay. I’ll go first and hopefully stall them. Dwalin, Bifur, Dori, try to keep them off.” He went to the doors of the bus. “Let’s go.”

The moment they were on the sidewalk, the paparazzi were on them, shouting questions and snapping pictures. Bilbo kept his eyes straight ahead, pushing gently through all the reporters. He didn’t dare look back to see how the others were faring, but at least they weren’t talking.

They reached the doors to the venue and Bilbo stood aside to let the rest of the team pass, counting them off as they went. Finally, Thorin walked in and nodded, and Bilbo followed him into the backstage area, which was less chaotic than the outside for once.

As soon as they were inside, Tauriel arrived, looking extremely worried. She embraced Kili without words, and he seemed glad enough to have her next to him.

Legolas was right behind her, looking nearly as concerned. “Are you guys really okay?” he asked, looking to the rest of the band.

“We’re fine,” Bofur assured him. “Haven’t had too much crap yet…of course, there hasn’t been time for the Westboros to organize a protest, so we’ll see how we are when we get to Milwaukee.”

Legolas nodded. “We meant what we said on Twitter,” he said. “We support you…whatever you need…”

“Thanks,” Nori said. “Really…that means a lot.”

Thorin frowned suspiciously. “Does your father extend the same sentiment?”

“Believe it or not, yes,” Legolas answered. “He’s not completely heartless, Mr. Oakenshield. He knows when the press has gone too far.”

“He bloody well should,” Dis muttered from where she stood by her brother. She then looked to Kili. “Kili, are you going to introduce me to your…friend?”

Kili let go of Tauriel, blushing. “Right…sorry…Mama, this is Tauriel, Tauriel this is my mom, Dis.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Tauriel said politely. “Though I wish it could have been a bit less chaotic.”

“It will be chaotic no matter what,” Dis said. “But what’s important is that you are coming to lunch tomorrow so I can make sure you’re good enough for my baby boy.”

“Ma!” Kili protested as Tauriel laughed.

“Cozy as this all is,” Bilbo interrupted. “I believe we have a concert to get ready for and all of you need to go have people put ludicrous amounts of products in your hair.”

“Right,” Thorin said. “All of you, dressing rooms!”

*

“Think we delivered well enough?” Ori asked after their autograph session, as the band and crew walked out of the back door of the venue to where their tour buses and cars were parked.

“Of course you did,” Dis assured. “You boys always do.”

“I wouldn’t worry,” Bofur added. “Once you start playing the music, everything else fades away.”

“And no one tried to jump the stage or anything stupid, “Fili said.

“I didn’t notice any large groups of empty seats when I went out to watch you,” said Gimli.

“So you think this’ll turn out fine?” Thorin quietly asked Bilbo and Balin.

“We’ll see,” Balin replied.

“We’ve got another… two weeks? But yes, I don’t see a mass abandonment in our future,” Bilbo assured.

“You have to remember the positive comments and reactions, not just the negative,” Balin advised.

“Which reminds me, I’ve already received quite a few requests from LGBT outlets for interviews, though we can discuss it later," said Bilbo.

“Oakenshield!”

Everyone turned, and they all recognized the tall, pale, and bald man. Dori immediately started forward to the large group of men led by Azog Orquite, but Balin flung his arm out to stop him.

“You’re not supposed to be back here,” Dwalin warned.

“What the fuck do you want?” Thorin demanded.

Bilbo lightly pulled Thorin’s sleeve. “Come on, let’s just go.”

“Haven’t you done enough already?” Dis shouted out to Azog. “Go away before we call the police.”

“For what? I haven’t done anything.” Azog slightly tilted his head as he took a few steps forward. “Really, you’ve done more damage to your sons’ lives than I could.”

“What the hell are you on about?” Kili started forward to confront the man, but Dis held him back. His mother said, “He’s not worth it.”

“A mother who allows her children to follow their failure of an uncle. Not only that, but to allow said uncle to manage their career? Doesn’t sound like good parenting to me. I mean-“

Whatever else Azog was going to say was quickly cut off by Thorin charging at him and serving a solid punch to his face. Azog clutched at his nose and staggered backwards.

“Do not ever insult my sister,” Thorin growled before turning to go back. “Get out of here,” he called over his shoulder.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” Dis quietly reprimanded.

“He’s done enough to us, he needed to learn a lesson.”

Everyone tensed as Azog’s men started to step towards them. Azog stopped them with, “No, wait. I’ve only just started.” He wiped away the blood coming from his nose and straightened up to his full height.

“What’s your problem with us?” Fili demanded. “We’ve done nothing to you, or anyone.”

“Hey, what’s going on here?” Legolas asked as he and the rest of Princes of Mirkwood came upon the scene, behind and to the side of Azog’s group. Thranduil looked about ready to drag the band members back inside, but they brushed him off. Kili and Gimli exchanged looks with Tauriel and Legolas, telling them not to interfere.

Azog didn’t pay Princes of Mirkwood any mind. He rested his hands on the camera around his neck and smiled at the Durin’s Sons group.

“Get out, now,” Dwalin warned again.

“Or what? You’ll beat my friends and me to a pulp? Oh yes, that’ll look really good as a headline. All that just to protect a group headed by a failed musician. A group that’s secretly harbored two disgusting little faggots for so long."

Balin, Gloin, Nori, and Ori grabbed Dori to hold him back. Nori whispered, “I can take whatever he says about me.” That seemed to calm Dori down enough.

It took Bofur, Bombur, and Brian to hold back Bifur. Peg looked like she was about to jump at Azog as well, but Oin and Dis kept her in check. Bofur turned his back to Azog to look his cousin in the eye. “Hey, you know I can handle a few words about me. Especially from a prick like him.”

“You two really should be ashamed of yourselves, corrupting the children and teens who look up to you.”

Bifur tried to lunge forward, but couldn’t break from his family’s hold. Bofur pressed their foreheads together and whispered, “No… no… it’s okay. He’s not hurting me.”

“You really should get a handle on your dogs, especially that one. The stupid one who can’t even speak.”

Bofur’s entire body stiffened. He closed his eyes and took a step back from his cousin. When he opened them, there was a dark fury brewing in them. At the intensity of his expression, everyone else shrank back. They could all count on one hand the amount of times they had seen Bofur legitimately angry, and this surpassed those in ferocity.

Bofur turned to face Azog and took quick steps out of the huddle of his friends and family. Nori grabbed at his arm, but he shook it off and kept going. “My cousin-“ his voice cracked with sheer anger. “My cousin took an axe to the head for me!” he shouted. “You do not call him a stupid dog!”

“Right, I’m sorry. He’s a mad, wild, and stupid dog.”

“Bofur!”

Bofur didn’t stop, and ran straight for Azog, tackling him shoulder-first. It wasn’t enough to knock the strong man down, but it was more than enough for the photographer’s friends to decide now was a good time to get involved.

“Oh no,” was all Bilbo could find to say as the next three to break away from the Durin’s Sons side, shouting out Bofur’s name, were Nori, Fili, and Kili. A hand closed around his arm to prevent him from being swept up when most of the others rushed past to help the band members. He turned, and heard Dis sigh, “Idiots,” as she held onto him firmly.

Two of Azog’s friends grabbed Bofur’s arms and pulled him away from the pale man. One kneed him in the back. He looked up at a shout, and Nori leaped up onto the back of one of the men. The second one was forced to let him go by a punch from Fili. Bofur stumbled to the ground, and quickly got up with a helping hand from Dwalin. He didn’t have time to thank him, with Dwalin raising his arm to block against a punch for his face. He retaliated with one of his own, catching the man in the chest and knocking him back.

One of Azog’s friends ducked around Thorin and Bombur, and made for Gloin, Oin, Marnie, and Gimli. “Don’t you dare come for my family!” Gloin roared, meeting the enemy partway.

“Dad!” Gimli cried out, lunging to go with him. His mother and uncle grabbed him and pulled him back further away from the fight.

Kili took a kick to the knee and went down on the uninjured one. Tauriel shouted his name and ran for the brawl, shaking off Legolas’ hand that made a grab for her shoulder. Legolas glanced back to his father with a slightly apologetic expression. Then he and Lindir ran after their bandmate, ignoring Thranduil’s protest.

Bofur and Nori nearly turned to hit each other when they unexpectedly ended up back to back. Nori remarked, dodging to the side from a kick, “Wish I had my knives.”

“Might make them back off, yeah,” Bofur replied. He winced as a camera swung towards him and ducked. Nori turned at the right instant to grab it and yank the man holding the strap forward, right into Bofur’s raised elbow.

Dori wrapped his arms around Ori as one man came towards them, taking the blow on his back. He barely flinched at it, and spun around, catching the man on the side of the neck with a fist. “Do not touch my little brother!” Two more of Azog’s men realized the predicament the one with Dori was in, and hurried to help him.

“What is it with you and my family?” Thorin demanded as Azog dodged his punch.

“I’m only doing my job,” Azog replied, catching Thorin in the abdomen with a thrusting kick, making him stagger backwards. “And I really don’t like you.”

Bifur whirled around to take out one of Azog’s friends, only to find him reeling back and clutching at his jaw. He held back to little smile when he realized his mother had done that. “ _Out!_ ” he shouted to her in Gaelic. He was having a hard enough time protecting everyone else, and the last person he needed to worry about was her.

Peg protested as her son pushed her out of the fight. Once clear of the rabble, Bifur pressed his keyring into her hand. “ _Protect Gimli and others in the bus,_ ” he told her. Peg opened her mouth to respond, but decided against it and nodded, hurrying to Marnie, Oin, and Gimli. Bifur only had a couple seconds to watch them head for the Durin’s Sons tour bus before he was jumped from behind.

Thranduil slipped his phone back into his pocket, let out a resigned sigh, and made a running leap onto one enemy going for Legolas. They both went down, and Thranduil rolled to the side to avoid an elbow to his face. Thranduil grit his teeth to avoid crying out as the other man got on top of him, knee painfully pinning his hand to the concrete. Thranduil pushed himself into a backwards roll, switching their positions. He pulled his head back and away from the man’s reaching hand to avoid having his hair yanked.

Balin had tried to stay out of the fray, but had literally been dragged into it. “Stay down, please,” he said to the man he was straddling on the ground, keeping the man’s hands pinned down with his own. A glob of saliva spit onto his face, and his concentration lapsed for a second. It was long enough for the man under him to get a hand free.

Balin saw the strike coming and turned his head to soften the blow. What he didn’t expect was for the man to snatch up his camera that had fallen to the ground during the struggle and quickly brought it up. Balin’s vision flashed white when the heavy camera slammed into the side of his head. He blinked slowly as he keeled over to the side. There was nothing but unforgiving asphalt to catch him.

Lindir jabbed the end of one of his drumsticks into the stomach of a man running past to get to Kili and Tauriel. He glanced past them to see Ori desperately trying to pull the three enemies trying to dogpile Dori off of his brother. “Ori!” he called out. Once the other drummer’s attention turned to him, he threw one drumstick high through the air, nodding when it landed in the younger man’s hands.

Ori whirled around, rapping the drumstick across one man’s knuckles, before dropping low to jab the end into the side of his knee. Now able to do more than just stand under the weight, Dori flipped both men still on him over his back.

Thorin had tackled Azog on the ground, though both were struggling for dominance, rolling over each other and trying to get off punches. Dwalin jumped over them when they got near him. When Azog emerged on top, he kicked the photographer in the back, giving Thorin enough chance to shove him off and away. Dwalin didn’t get another chance to help Thorin, with another of Azog’s men jumping on him from the side.

Fili jumped backwards to avoid a strike to the head, and tripped over something large and solid on the ground behind him. He fell backwards over it, and looked up in time to see his attacker get tackled by Kili. Then his gaze went to the person he had fallen over.

“Balin!” Fili gasped. He hunched over the other man to protect him from the fight going on around them as he looked him over. He was relieved at the wince from Balin, meaning he was at least conscious. Though the way Balin’s fingers that covered his temple loosened worried him. “Oh, shit,” he muttered when he noticed the blood trickling down his face and into his grey hair. He took Balin’s hand to move it to see, and the older man weakly tried to push him away.

“Hey, it’s just me, Fili,” Fili consoled. “Let me see, please?” He ducked his head as Dori sent someone flying past. He moved Balin’s hand and winced at the bloody gash on his friend’s temple. “Balin, talk to me,” Fili prompted, glancing around for any possible help. He covered the older man’s body with his own to protect him as Bombur came whirling through, knocking down two of Azog’s men in the process. He heard a groan from Balin and muttered, “Good enough.”

Bombur stopped and hurried back to Fili. Fili explained, “Balin took a bad hit. Help me get him out of here?”

Azog shoved Thorin backwards. Thorin nearly brought Thranduil down when he crashed into him. The blonde man managed to keep steady and push Thorin back up. Thranduil remarked, “If Legolas gets hurt, I’m holding you responsible.”

Thorin caught sight of the other man’s son. “He’s doing pretty well for himself.”

Thorin and Thranduil couldn’t say any more to each other as two enemies came for them.

Ori jumped in the way of someone trying to take a shot at Bombur, realizing that he and Fili were trying to half-carry someone between them. He took the blow to his shoulder, and dropped low to take out the other man’s knee with the drumstick. Lindir did a flying tackle above to take the man completely out. Lindir rolled back up to his feet, whirled around, and struck another enemy in the back of the head with his stick.

Kili ducked under Tauriel’s arm to deliver an elbow to the stomach of an enemy behind her. Tauriel spun, lifting her leg above Kili’s head to serve a kick.

Dis, Bilbo, and Brian rushed forward at the sight of Fili and Bombur emerging from the brawl with Balin between them, his feet dragging. Breathing heavily, Fili gestured with his head towards their tour bus. Dis and Brian took Balin’s arms over their shoulders and started getting him to safety.

“You should go with them,” Bombur said.

“You do realize we’re outnumbered, right?” Bilbo stated.

“Yes, well-“ Fili started. He heard a grunt behind him and spun to meet the enemy.

Bofur and Bifur had their hands full, having been backed up against an equipment truck by four of Azog’s friends. Bifur dodged left, and the punch coming for his middle impacted the metal surface behind. He grabbed the man’s shirt and shoulder and propelled him away. Before that one could get back to them, Legolas came up and took him down with a sweep to the leg.

Thorin had found Azog again. “Your friends aren’t paparazzi like you,” he realized.

“A few are.” Azog caught Thorin in the chest with a palm strike. “Had to make sure I had adequate support.” He followed up by stomping down on Thorin’s foot, then delivering an uppercut to under his chin.

Thorin hobbled back, gritting his teeth against the pain building in his foot and jaw. “Why would you come here just for a fight?”

“Best headline I would get, don’t you think?” Azog spun around and got off a kick to Thorin’s leg. “’Durin’s Sons goes insane against paparazzi.’”

Thorin ducked the next strike and elbowed Azog in the ribs. He cried out at the fist that came down on his back.

Bilbo jumped up on the back of a man that still had Bofur trapped against the equipment truck. The man spun around, easily flinging him off. Bilbo thought he heard ringing in his ears when he hit the ground, but quickly realized what the sound actually was. Police sirens.

“Get out of here!” Bofur told Bilbo, tackling the same enemy to the ground. “Go!” he repeated at Bilbo’s hesitation, grunting when the man turned them over so that Bofur was beneath him.

Bilbo jumped at the strong pair of hands that grabbed his arm from behind. Dis’ voice said, “Come on, we’re going to need you to help get them out of this mess.”

Either no one else heeded the warning of the sirens closing in, or couldn’t run from trying to defend themselves against Azog’s men. Dis didn’t give Bilbo a choice and yanked him along after her to join the others hiding in the Durin’s Sons bus. He followed of his own accord a couple seconds later when the first police car came into view.

Dis and Bilbo hurried aboard the bus and securely shut the door behind them. All they and the others inside could do was raise their heads enough to not be seen, to watch through the tinted windows as the police separated both groups from each other, and handcuffed and pushed them into the backs of arrest vans.


	19. In which Bilbo fixes everything as usual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is arrested. Bilbo gets them out of trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the lateness of this chapter, I was travelling for the holiday weekend.

**Police Report, Saint Paul Police Department**

**Case Number: 10089800**

**Date: July 16, 2015**

**Reporting Officer: Eowyn Riddermark**

**Prepared by: Faramir Stewart**

**Incident: Brawl behind Fitzgerald Theater, involving over 40 combatants made up of venue guests and crew, and several paparazzi news reporters.**

**Details of Event: On July 15, 2015, at approximately 23:55 hours, several officers were dispatched to Fitzgerald Theater, where a fight had broken out between a number of musicians, their support staff, and several members of the press (all combatants listed below). Those involved were still engaged when officers arrived, but quickly responded to orders to cease.**

**According to all witnesses, the fight began when one of the reporters, AZOG ORQUITE, made several derogatory remarks towards the gathered musicians and their family members. Two of the musicians, THORIN OAKENSHIELD and BOFUR MATTOCKS, responded with violence, which was returned.**

**Police were summoned by bystander THRANDUIL GREENLEAF, who later joined the brawl in defense of his son. A total of 45 arrests were made.**

**All those involved were taken to the St. Paul City Jail and booked into holding cells. Several of the combatants were treated for minor cuts and bruises at the station before being put in holding cells awaiting bail. All combatants were breathalyzed and drug tested upon arrival at the station. All results were negative.**

*

Bilbo watched through the tinted window as the last van pulled out of the parking lot, and let out a heavy sigh. “What a fine mess…”

“I know you’ll help get them out of it.” Dis dropped a hand on Bilbo’s shoulder and gave a small smile.

“It is part of my job.” They both turned back to the others, who were gathered around Oin and Balin. Balin had fallen completely unconscious by now.

“Brian, tilt his head up for me… there, that’s good. Hold it there.” Oin grabbed a fresh thick gauze from the bus first-aid kit and continued trying to stop the bleeding from the gash on Balin’s left temple.

“He’s bleeding too much, isn’t he?” Marnie asked. “Shouldn’t we take him to a hospital?”

“If I can stop the bleeding, there won’t be a pressing need to,” the doctor replied. “He’ll probably have a concussion, but I can monitor that, too.” He pressed harder against the injured man’s head. “Come on, you stubborn… Hand me another one?”

Peg quickly reached into the kit for another gauze and gave it to Oin. Oin dropped the used one and pressed the new one to the injury, muttering, “At this rate, we’ll go through the whole roll of bandage.” To the group, he asked, “Anyone know what he got hit with?”

“I think I saw a couple of those pricks trying to use their cameras as weapons,” Peg answered.

“I suppose that might do it. Right… well, I can tell that this’ll need stiches. Gimli?”

Gimli jumped up from his seat, where he had been staring nervously as his uncle worked. “Yes?”

“Keys, right jacket pocket.” Once Gimli had reached into the light jacket Oin was wearing and got the keys, he said, “My medical bag. Trunk of our car.”

Gimli opened the door and rushed out to his family’s car. Marnie waited at the top of the steps to watch him.

“Someone tear me off a strip of that bandage in the kit? About… twelve inches long.” When the requested item was given to him, Oin had Brian hold the gauze against Balin’s wound for a few seconds as he folded the bandage. He then told Brian to move his hand, and pressed the bandage to the gash. Gimli bounded up back into the bus and set the medical bag on the seat next to his uncle. Marnie closed the door and rejoined the group.

“Ah, finally,” Oin breathed as the bloodflow started to lessen.

“Would anybody mind if I call Gandalf here?” Bilbo asked. At the approving nods, he took out his phone. He tapped his foot impatiently at the series of rings until the other man picked up. “Hey, where are you?”

“It’s Bilbo,” Gandalf said to someone. “I’m at the venue bar with Galadriel. Just a drink together before going back to the hotel.”

“At least you’re still here. Good. I need you to come to the parking lot, to the Durin’s Sons bus.”

Gandalf let out a tipsy little laugh. “Secret meeting? Sounds… fun.”

Bilbo bit back a sigh. “You damn well better not be drunk yet.”

“We’re not, I promise. You don’t sound like you’re in a good mood.”

“There’s been a situation. I’d rather tell you in person. Now please come as quick as you can.” Bilbo hung up, leaving no room for argument. He turned to the others and announced, “Gandalf will be here soon. He’ll probably bring Galadriel, too.”

Balin stirred with a low groan. He started to weakly raise a hand to rub at his face, but it got pushed back down by Oin. The doctor greeted, “Welcome back to the land of the living, not that you were anywhere near death.”

The injured man partially opened his eyes, and hissed at the lighting in the bus. “Where…? How’d I... get here?”

“You’ll probably want to keep your eyes closed for now. Especially the left one. I’d rather not have to clean blood from it,” Oin advised. “And do stay still.”

Balin did as he was told, and took a few deep breaths to wake himself more from his stupor. “Head hurts…” he muttered.

“I’d expect so,” Oin replied, pressing a new section of bandage to the wound. “You’ve got a rather nasty gash, concussion, and you’ve got blood down half your face. I’ll give you something for the pain after I get this closed up.”

Balin let out a shaky breath, and asked with a slightly stronger voice, “What’s going on?”

“You don’t remember the fight?” asked Gimli.

“I… remember getting dragged into it? I got knocked out at some point?”

“At least you don’t have amnesia of the incident. Good sign,” Oin remarked. He pressed a new damp cloth to the gash on the other man’s temple. Balin winced and tried to shrink back, but Brian’s hold on him was good enough to stop him. Balin tried to push Oin away, but he was too weak to be effective. Oin chuckled, “Probably should’ve warned you this would sting.”

“What great bedside manner you have,” Balin retorted.

“Too bad Dori isn’t here to kiss it better,” Marnie commented.

Balin quickly replied, “Not the time, Marnie.”

“Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood a little.”

Bilbo raised his eyebrows, and Dis quietly told him, “Inside joke.”

They all jumped at the knocking on the bus door. Peg went to the front to make sure it was who they were expecting, then pulled the lever to open the door. She quickly shut it when Gandalf and Galadriel came on board.

“We found these outside,” Galadriel said, placing Bofur’s hat and two drumsticks on a small table.

Gandalf started, “What’s goi-“ he stopped at the sight of Balin being tended to by Oin. If he was still feeling any effects of his earlier drink, he quickly sobered up. “What happened?”

“You missed out on quite the fight,” Dis answered.

“Fight? Where’s everyone else?”

“Azog Orquite came around with a bunch of friends. Words were said. Thorin and Bofur in particular didn’t take kindly to them. It quickly escalated,” Bilbo summarized.

“Wait, Thorin I understand. But Bofur?” Galadriel responded.

“Aye, and I would’ve been right beside him if someone hadn’t held me back,” Peg said.

“I’ve never seen Bofur quite that… scary angry,” Gimli commented.

Bilbo stated, “And then they all got arrested. The rest of us hid in here.”

“And Balin?”Gandalf asked.

Balin slightly opened his right eye. “I’ll live. I’m sure it looks worse than it feels.”

“As far as I could see in the mayhem, he got the worst of it,” Bilbo said.

“I suppose that’s the good news of all this,” replied Gandalf.

“The question is what we do now,” Dis prompted. “We’ve got members and crew of two bands-“

“Two bands? Princes of Mirkwood, too?”

Gimli gestured to the drumsticks on the table. “Those are Lindir’s, not Ori’s. Yeah, they got in on the fight.”

“Thranduil?”

“Him, too.”

Gandalf ran a hand over his face. “When you said ‘situation’ on the phone, Bilbo-“

“Told you it was something we needed to tell you in person.”

Everyone turned to Oin and Balin when the doctor said, “Right, I’ve got the bleeding stopped and area around the wound cleaned up. I’ll have to stitch it up now.” He prepared his supplies and said to the group with a slight smile, “Look away, for those faint of heart. No matter what you hear, he’s in good hands.”

“If I were at a hospital, I would ask for a different doctor,” Balin grumbled.

“You’re in no position to make demands. Now hush, and keep that left eye closed.”

Gimli looked out the tinted window and pulled out the tie in his hair to redo his ponytail. “We are going to bail them out, right?”

“Of course we are,” Gandalf answered. “Even if we didn’t have the schedule of the tour as pressure.”

Galadriel noticed the way Balin’s hand kept clenching tightly as Oin worked. Wordlessly, she went over and kneeled in front of him, then slid her fingers between his for him to have something to hold onto. Balin opened his eyes in surprise, but she coaxed them back closed by running her other hand over the back of his repeatedly.

“As tempting as it might be to leave them there for a day,” Dis teased.

“We’ll have to find a way to keep this out of the public eye,” Bilbo thought out loud. “Though that might mean having to convince Orquite to not press charges.”

“This is what he wanted, so why wouldn’t he press charges?” Marnie asked.

“We’ll just have to convince him. Maybe if we had some sort of threat?”

“Is that even legal?” Brian broke his quiet listening to ask.

Peg snorted. “I wouldn’t care if it was, not with Orquite.”

“Not a threat of violence,” Bilbo clarified.

“Call Dain Ironfoot,” Balin said through clenched teeth.

It took Bilbo a couple seconds to remember that name. “Legal counsel?”

“He is,” Gandalf confirmed, taking out his phone and looking for the name. “We should ask him for advice. We really wouldn’t want to get into legal troubles with this.”

“So who’s going to go bail them out?” asked Gimli.

“Me,” Bilbo and Dis answered quickly in unison.

“As soon as Oin’s done with me-“ Balin started.

“You’re not going anywhere,” Oin stated. “You won’t get five steps before you pass out from the concussion.”

Balin opened his right eye to glare at the doctor, but quickly conceded with a sigh. “Gandalf has the most authority of anyone here, so he should go.”

“I was about to volunteer myself,” Gandalf said. “I also have the best chance of paying off the incident judge before our people even get to that point.” He handed his phone to Bilbo. “Here, I’ve called his personal number.”

“Won’t he be upset at a call this late?”

“Not for us,” Dis assured.

“Right.” Bilbo held the phone up to his ear.

*

Bofur couldn’t stand it. He couldn’t stand the tense quiet from everyone in the holding cell. No one spoke to each other as one by one they were taken out for questioning, then brought back and changed out for someone else. Thorin and Thranduil were as far as they could get from each other, exchanging glares every so often. Early on, Fili and Bombur had exchanged a few urgent but unknown words to each other, though they didn’t share what had them concerned. Nori was the most restless, pacing across the short distance and bouncing on his toes. If anyone was annoyed by it, they didn’t say so. Everyone else was slightly more relaxed, though still no one really spoke.

Finally, Bofur reached his breaking point when the police officers brought back Ori, and took Gloin. He had to say something. “Hands up, who think I’m to blame for this?” He couldn’t help the smile at the lack of raised hands. “How about… Thorin?”

“Of course you would blame me, asshole,” Thorin said as Thranduil was the only one to raise his hand.

Thranduil glanced around. “”What? You mean this isn’t your fault? I would blame you for a lot of things, this included.”

“Dad-“ Legolas started.

“Do you also blame me for you being a complete bastard?” Thorin shot back.

Dori decided to stop this before it got any more heated. “”If you two don’t stop right now, you’ll have more bruises than the ones you came in with.”

Bofur continued, “How about Orquite?” He smiled as everyone’s hands went up, including Thranduil’s. “Well, at least we all agree on that.”

Now that the silence had been broken, everyone was more willing to talk to each other. Bifur tapped Bombur’s shoulder and signed, ‘ _You and Fili were concerned earlier. What about?_ ’

“Balin took a bad hit,” Bombur answered. Everyone else looked to him.

Fili added, “He had a bad cut on his head, and he was practically unconscious when I tripped over him. Bombur and I got him out of it, to Bilbo and my mom.”

“If I knew which one of those assholes hurt him…” Dwalin let his threat fade away.

No one noticed the way Dori’s hands clenched into tight fists before he relaxed them and said, “He’s in Oin’s care, which means he’ll be alright.”

“How’s your leg?” Tauriel quietly asked Kili. “It looked like you were limping a bit when we came in here.”

“It’s fine, really,” Kili assured. He gave a little grin. “Though it probably means no physical antics at the next show.”

“I think that goes for all of us,” Nori said, though he hadn’t stopped pacing.

Bofur tapped the floor in front of him with his foot. “Sit, love. Only you could be in a fight and still have energy afterwards to pace like that.”

“If there weren’t so many of us in here, I’d do a full exercise regime,” Nori joked as he sat on the floor between his boyfriend’s legs and rested his head on Bofur’s thigh. “I must say, the officers have been nicer to me than before. Do you think asking for a soda instead of water would be pushing it?”

“Anyone know if Gimli was in the fight at all?” asked Legolas.

“I’d take it as a good sign that he’s not in here with us,” Lindir replied.

“His mom and uncle kept him out of it, from what I saw,” Ori answered.

Dwalin spoke up with, “So is this what Orquite wanted? A fight that resulted in both sides getting arrested?” He couldn’t help the little smile. “If so, we gave him a good one.”

“Yes, you did, and dragged me and my band down with you,” Thranduil retorted.

“Hey, I didn’t ask them to get involved,” Thorin replied.

“If you were better about controlling yourself and your band, we wouldn’t be in this cell,” Thranduil shot back.

“You could learn a lesson from your band. At least they value their friends and-“ Thorin started.

“Hey, what did I say earlier?” Dori interrupted. “I was being serious.” He sat leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes when Thorin and Thranduil fell quiet.

“He wouldn’t really hit us, would he?” Thranduil whispered to the nearest Durin’s Sons member.

“Wouldn’t test it if I were you,” Kili whispered back.

An officer came back with Gloin, and pointed to Bifur. “You’re next. Come on.”

Bofur shot up to his feet. “You can’t question him alone.”

“Why not?” the officer asked as Bifur got up and came over to him.

“Not unless you have someone who understands sign language,” Bofur said. “I mean, he can hear, but can’t speak.”

Bifur signed, ‘ _Sorry_ ,’ to the officer.

“Right, it’ll be faster than having you write everything down. Who will come with him?”

Bombur stood. “I’ll do it. He’s my cousin. You still need to question me anyway.”

*

“You sure you want to handle Orquite alone?” Gandalf asked Bilbo as they and Dis walked into the police station.

“I can do it. He’s just a… large, muscular, and intimidating man, and I’m… not. But I can handle talking to him. You two have your jobs to do, I’ve got mine.”

They approached the front desk. Gandalf took the lead, saying to the young officer, “Hello, we called and arranged everything earlier. I’m Gandalf Grey, and am here to speak with the judge’s office.”

“Dis Durin. I’m here to settle bail for the Thorin Oakenshield’s group.”

“I’m Bilbo Baggins, and I arranged to speak with Azog Orquite privately.”

The officer checked his computer and nodded. “Looks like everything checks out. I’ll call officers to escort you all. Please leave all personal effects here in this bin.”

It only took a moment for three officers to come and collect them. Bilbo, Gandalf, and Dis said good luck to each other before being taken their separate ways.

Bilbo took a few deep breaths as he was escorted to a small interrogation room. His part was arguably the most critical. The bandmates had been in minor trouble before, and while it would be nice for Gandalf to convince the judge to let it go, it wasn’t something he couldn’t handle. There was no doubt that Dis would settle the bail and get them all released. So that meant the most difficult and crucial task of convincing Orquite to not press charges and make this a public spectacle fell to him.

The officer opened a door and gestured Bilbo inside. “Take a seat on the other side of the table. I’ll bring Azog Orquite in shortly.”

Bilbo did as he was told, and started tapping his fingers on his knee nervously. He mentally went through what Dain Ironfoot had advised him to say, and couldn’t help the small laugh at the legal advisor’s less-than-polite language.

The door opened, and the officer escorted Azog to the other chair directly across from Bilbo. The large man snorted and said, “Oh, you,” before he sat. Bilbo had to force himself to not shrink back as Azog leaned forward with his elbows on the table. He couldn’t afford to show any fear.

The officer said, “Mr Baggins, if there is any trouble, there are two of us outside the door, and a camera in the room. When you’re finished, just knock on the door.” With the affirming nod, he left.

“So what’s all this about? I don’t know what you hope to achieve with this chat.” Azog flashed an unnerving half-smile. “Especially from such a little man like you.”

Bilbo’s eyes flickered to the large and uncuffed hands clasped together on the table. Then he looked back up to the other man’s face. “I take it you intend to press charges against Durin’s Sons?”

“And Princes of Mirkwood,” Azog added. “Of course I am. You were there, you saw everything. Two of your boys decided to take a swing at me.”

“After you made insulting remarks about their family members.”

“And that’s a good enough incentive for violence?”

“I doubt you would let similar remarks aimed at your family go ignored.”

“Whatever. Yes, I’m going to press charges against them for attacking me, and causing damage to personal equipment, and whatever else I can get them for as a result.”

“I wouldn’t press charges against them if I were you.”

“Oh?” Azog leaned in. “And what are you going to do about it? You’re just a PR guy. Honestly, I find it pathetic that they sent you here to talk to me.”

Bilbo stared back into those intense blue eyes. “We’ve got enough to press charges against you, with evidence. Stalking, breaking and entering, invasion of privacy, harassment… Oh, not to mention the serious physical injuries caused to one of our managers by one of your friends. I also witnessed one of your friends go after our equipment manager, who is under eighteen. If his father hadn’t intercepted your guy, you’d also be liable for harming a minor. Do you really want to be charged for all that?”

“You’re hardly an unbiased witness. The other people with you who didn’t get involved are all related to Durin’s Sons, so they don’t count as reliable witnesses, either.”

“I’m certain that venue has security cameras for the private parking lot for performers and family, one that you weren’t supposed to be in.”

“And it will show that Oakenshield and Bofur came after me.”

“Mr Orquite, I don’t know what your reasons are for doing all this, and I don’t care. What I do care about is the well-being of those I represent, of my friends.” Bilbo leaned in. “I am telling you, right now, if you press charges against Durin’s Sons and Princes of Mirkwood, and try to turn this into a public thing, they’ll bounce back. They’ve been through enough shit in their lives to know how to do that. It wouldn’t be their careers that are wrecked, but yours, with all the charges we could bring against you.” Bilbo leaned back in his chair and crossed and arms. “Now, shall I give you my email for after you’ve talked it over with your legal representative, or do you only need a moment to decide on your own?”

Azog’s face twisted into an expression of fury, teeth bared and eyes wide. He slammed his hands on the table and half-rose from his chair. Bilbo didn’t move, keeping a coolly determined expression on his own face.

It took a moment, but Azog slumped back down into his seat. “Fine, I won’t press any charges against any of them.”

“You will also leave us alone. No photos, no harassment, nothing. Or we will use what we have against you to make you stop.”

“Fine. You win. Anything else?”

Bilbo stood. “No, that’s all. I’m glad we can put all this behind us.” He started to go over to the door, and stopped halfway at the call of his last name. “Yes?”

“They’ll destroy themselves, with or without me.”

“I have faith that they won’t. Despite their antics, they are good boys. But, if that ever does happen, at least it won’t be on your terms.” Bilbo continued to the door, knocked, and was let out. One officer escorted him back to the lobby, where he collected his things from the front desk, and sat down to wait for the others.

He ran a hand over his face and let out a long breath. He was half-surprised the threat had worked. Orquite seemed like the sort of man who wouldn’t let anything get in his way, but it had worked. Now he just had to wait for Gandalf, Dis, and everyone to be released.

*

“Hey, remember about a year ago, when we stripped down to g-strings in that New York fountain near the studio?” Kili recalled with a laugh. The group had reached the point of talking about random things with a mostly-friendly attitude.

“You what?” Thorin replied, eyes wide.

“Why does this not surprise me?” Thranduil muttered.

“Don’t tell me you, too,” Dori said to Ori.

“Nah, he was wearing swim trunks,” Nori defended. “But the rest of us weren’t. It was quite fun, and more than a few bystanders enjoyed it.”

Lindir groaned. “I’d rather not remember that…”

“You were there?” Bofur inquired.

“Yes, I did see you playing around in the fountain, nearly naked. I went out to lunch, and happened to pass by. I almost decided to forego lunch that day.”

“Oh, come on,” Fili replied with a charming smile. “I know we’re not bad to look at.”

“No, you’re not… But I’m not… I mean- I wasn’t expecting that, is all,” Lindir stammered, blushing slightly.

Everyone looked to Bifur when he suddenly burst into laughter, which he tried to muffle with his hand. “Don’t tell me you had anything to do with that,” Thorin warned. “Your job is to protect them.”

Bifur pulled his hand away, revealing an open-mouthed grin. He shook his head and signed, ' _I didn’t put them up to it. When I noticed they had all gone from the studio without telling us, I went out, and found them in the fountain. They weren’t in any danger, so I… let them have their fun_.' Kili translated for the Princes of Mirkwood.

“I suppose I noticed they were wet when I saw them later,” Dwalin admitted.

Thorin let out a sigh and put his head in his hands. “Are there any other naked escapades you want to tell me about?”

“Hmm…” Bofur fake-mused. “No, nothing we want to tell you about.”

“Hey, surely you guys have done something like that,” Ori prompted to the other band.

“Nothing that involves being in public practically naked,” Legolas answered.

“Oh, we’ll have to fix that,” Nori replied with a roguish smile. “We should hang out more. Preferably not in a holding cell.”

“As long as there’s no nudity involved,” said Lindir.

“How about half-nudity?” Kili asked.

“Depends on which half,” Tauriel giggled.

“Oh my god…” Thorin and Thranduil said at the same time.

“I’m glad I just have to handle the financial side of things,” Gloin remarked.

Bombur chuckled, “I don’t envy you your job at all, Thorin.”

Everyone stopped talking and laughing when two police officers approached the door of the holding cell. One took out a set of keys and started going through them. The other announced, “Your bail has been paid. You’re all free to go.”

Nori was first to jump to his feet. “Free at last!” Once the door was unlocked and pulled open, he said to the officers, “Can I just say your service has vastly improved since I was last in here… how long ago? I forget. Actually, it was another station. Anyway-“

Bofur wrapped his arm around his boyfriend’s shoulders and yanked him in close. “Sorry about him,” he apologized to the officers. “More energy than he knows what to do with.”

“Come on, we’ll take you to get your things, then to the lobby where people are waiting for you,” an officer said, leading the way.

“Wonder who got sent to bail us out,” said Legolas.

Everyone collected their things, and went out to the lobby to find Bilbo and Dis waiting for them. Fili and Kili hurried to their mother and tightly hugged her.

“How is everyone?” Bilbo asked.

“A lot better than we would’ve been if I hadn’t called the police,” Thranduil answered.

“You called the police?” Thorin repeated.

“Yes, I did. Have a problem with that?”

Dis disengaged herself from her sons and threatened, “If you two start, I’ll ask if I can revoke the bail for only the two of you.”

“How are all of you?” asked Bombur. “Fili told us about Balin.”

“He was the only one of us hurt,” Bilbo answered. “They’re all at your home.”

“How badly?” Dori inquired.

“He needed stitches, and he’s got a concussion, but Oin took care of him.”

“What are we waiting for to go home?” Ori inquired.

“Gandalf. He’s making sure none of you get charged with disturbing the peace or something.”

“Dwalin, Dori, Bifur, which of you wants to drive?” asked Dis. “You and Bilbo will go back to the venue and get the tour bus to take us all back home. Thranduil, you and your band are welcome to come with us. We’ve got more than enough room for you to be comfortable for the night.”

“You want to let them stay with us?” Thorin replied, his tone protesting.

“Least we can do, considering Tauriel, Legolas, and Lindir joined in the fight to help you all. And Thranduil called the police so that you all got out with only a few scratches and bruises. They are welcome.” Dis’ tone left no room for argument.

“I’ll drive the bus,” Dwalin volunteered. “Come on, Bilbo, I want to get to a comfortable couch as soon as possible.”

“Been a long night,” Bilbo agreed as the two of them headed for the door.

“Did you find my hat?” Bofur asked Dis at the lull in conversation. “I must’ve lost it at some point during the fight.”

Dis couldn’t help the amused chuckle. “Yes, we’ve got it.”

A few minutes later Gandalf approached, with a hearty, “Ah, good, you’re all out.”

“So we’re all good with the judges?” Ori asked him.

“You are.” To Dis, Gandalf asked, “Was Bilbo successful?”

Dis nodded, and explained to the gathered group, “Orquite won’t press charges against you, and he won’t bother us again. We had enough on him to convince him.”

Thorin sank down into a chair and blew out a long breath. “That’s a relief.”

They waited for Dwalin to come pick them up, and then finally headed home.


	20. In which old friends have some words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past can't be avoided forever.

**Greenleaf’s Latest Flame**

**Haldir Loth, Magic Mirror, 1984**

**With the latest albums coming out of Dale Records this week, it’s time to check with the old rumor mill about the question on every girl’s mind—has heartthrob Thranduil Greenleaf finally found The One?**

**Greenleaf appeared at last night’s gala with his trademark flare, escorting Dis Oakenshield, sister of fellow musician Thorin Oakenshield of Erebor. Miss Oakenshield wore a red dress done by an unnamed designer, with Greenleaf in his usual white and gold.**

**Thorin Oakenshield also attended the event, never more than a few steps away from his precious sister, citing concern over the rumor mill for his hovering presence. When asked about the date, Greenleaf and Miss Oakenshield both insisted that they are “just friends” and went to the event together for lack of better candidates. However, we know this can’t be true since Greenleaf has his fair share of admirers and hangers-on to choose from.**

**Not that we think Miss Oakenshield was a bad choice. Majesty seems to run in the family, as she cut just as impressive a figure as her older brother in spite of her tender age, her stunning good looks being the envy of the rest of the room. Whether this was a one-night fling or whether she and Greenleaf have plans for the future remains to be seen, though Greenleaf’s close friendship with her brother certainly helps.**

*

Thranduil hesitantly poked his head into the kitchen, where Dis and Bombur were busy getting dinner made for twenty-five people on short notice. “Need any help?” he asked.  


Dis looked up at him, eyebrows raised. “Didn’t think cooking was one of your talents,” she said.

“I’ve been a single father for twenty years, I’ve learned a few things,” Thranduil snapped. 

“Like how to buy pants that actually fit?” Dis asked with a smirk.

Thranduil raised his eyebrows back at her. “Well, no, that still came later,” he said. “Once you pass fifty you can’t really rock the leather anymore, international sex bomb or not.” Thranduil stepped into the kitchen. Dis watched him, her face a confusing mix of emotions. Bombur coughed suddenly and muttered something about needing more milk before hastily exiting the room.

“You couldn’t rock the leather when you were twenty-five,” Dis snarked, passing Thranduil a knife so he could get to work on the abandoned vegetables.

“I have a long list of women who would disagree with that,” Thranduil snapped back, getting to work with ease. “You included, if I recall correctly, Mrs. Durin.”

Dis rolled her eyes. “I was fifteen. Everyone has a crush on her brother’s best friend at that age.” She laughed a bit. “Think they ever figured it out?”

“What, that you liked me?” Thranduil asked, smiling a bit. “Think they picked up on that real quick.”

“No, I meant about you never really being interested in me,” she said. “You know…that.”

“Oh.” Thranduil paused for a moment. “You know, I’m not sure,” he finally admitted. “There were certainly rumors, but…well, we kept ourselves pretty quiet. Though it was a little bit creepy, the way they wrote about you.”

They were quiet for a moment, focusing on the meal, though the silence was a bit suffocating. Finally, Dis spoke. “Why do you have interest in doing this and not relaxing?” she asked, a bit of genuine curiosity creeping into her voice.

“Too loud,” Thranduil said, gesturing toward the door with his knife, where the sounds of the young musicians all yammering away could be heard. “Too hostile. No one in there really likes me, they just put up with me.”

“Surely your band likes you,” Dis said. “I mean, why else would you be the manager?”

“Because I have sway in the industry,” Thranduil said with a shrug. “They don’t have to like me, really…they haven’t liked me in a very long time.”

“Your son…”

Thranduil stiffened. “My son is an adult,” he said shortly. “Our relationship is strictly professional and I do not presume otherwise.”

“And there’s the Thranduil I know,” Dis said. “You’d think thirty years would be long enough to develop some empathy.”

“Don’t start,” Thranduil sighed. “I’ve been hearing it from your brother all night.”

“Much as I hate to say it, maybe you should start listening,” Dis snapped.

“Like you did any better with him,” Thranduil snapped back.

“I got him through it,” Dis said. “I tried to help, at least.”

“It was different for you, though,” Thranduil said. “What did you have to lose from all of that?”

Dis glared at him across the counter. “What did I have to lose?” she repeated. “If Thorin had kept going the way he was, I would have lost my brother…my family. I would have been left alone in an unfamiliar country with no direction and nowhere to go. I was seventeen years old and I was relying on Thorin to keep the family afloat. If he had…” She broke off, taking a few deep breaths.

Thranduil at least had the decency to look ashamed. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t realize…”

“You were worried about yourself,” Dis said. “You’ve always worried about yourself.” She gave him a hard look as she left the kitchen to fetch the rest of the family. “So you think about that.”

*

After the initial rush from everyone asking how Balin was, to which Balin and Oin had assured that he would be alright given a few days, Oin got to checking everyone else’s various cuts and bruises from the fight. 

Dori noticed after Oin had looked him over, that the noise of the chattering just-freed group was getting to be too much for Balin, even though the injured man was trying to let on that he was fine. Despite the act, it was obvious Balin wasn’t well; his face still a bit pale, though thankfully not the colour of the large bandage over his left temple and part of his forehead. A concussion, Oin had said. Surely the noise of excited people in the same room wasn’t good for that. 

Dori went over to the armchair where Balin was sitting by himself and watching everyone with a tired gaze. Balin had changed into a simple tshirt and sweatpants. Dori almost didn’t want to know what the state of the clothes were that he had been wearing during the fight. He knelt down and said quietly, “Now that they’re not crowding you, how are you really feeling?”

“You got a clean bill of health?” Balin asked.

“Anything more serious than a few bruises and the police would’ve sent me to the hospital. So yes, I’m fine. It’s you we were all concerned about.”

“Good to know the rest of you weren’t too badly hurt.”

Dori let out a little sigh at the avoidance of his question. “Need anything? Food? Tea?”

Balin lightly shook his head and winced at the action. “I’ve been well taken care of.” 

“You should get to bed.”

“I should stay up with the rest of you.”

“At least go somewhere more quiet? Please, for me?”

“Even if I do, it won’t stop your worrying.”

“No, but it would ease it a little.”

“First you should ask our doctor if I’m allowed to go to sleep. It wouldn’t do to suddenly disappear on him.” 

Dori patted Balin’s knee and stood. He found Oin applying some ointment to a cut on Bifur’s arm. He quietly asked, “Is it safe for Balin to sleep?” 

Oin nodded. “Getting out of this noisy lot would be good for him anyway. Just be aware I’ll have to wake him in a couple hours to check on him.” 

“Alright, thanks.” Dori then went to the kitchen. He quietly asked Dis, “Would it be fine if Balin and I took your bed for the night? He’s not feeling well, and Oin says it’s safe for him to sleep.”

“Of course. Need any help with him?”

“No, I’ve got it. Thanks.” Dori left and found Balin nodding off. A small smile lifted the corners of his mouth as he tapped the other man’s shoulder. “Come on, you’ve got doctor’s orders to sleep, and a bed.” 

“You’re going to make me go whether I want to or not,” Balin said, though his tone betrayed his agreement. 

“Don’t think I won’t carry you up the stairs if I have to.”

“In that case, I’ll come willingly. I don’t need my dignity sacrificed.” 

Dori helped Balin to his feet and started leading him to the stairs. As they passed through everyone, well-wishes and good nights were said. They stopped where their suitcases were so Dori could grab a set of pajamas. Balin was a little shaky on the stairs, but they made it to Dis’ bedroom with no problems. Dori settled him on the edge of the bed, then went to the other side to quickly change clothes.

Dori returned and stood over Balin. He placed one hand on his shoulder, and the other gently tilted his head up. His gaze went to the bandage. “May I see?”

Balin closed his eyes. “Go ahead. Though I might tell Oin you don’t trust him to take care of me.” 

Dori delicately peeled up the medical tape at the bandage edges. He whimpered at the line of stitches that closed up the gash, and the bruising around it. He leaned in closer to inspect it. “How much does it hurt?”

“Not much right now. I took painkillers for that and the concussion.” 

Dori gently pressed the bandage back down. “What caused it?”

“Got hit with a camera. Probably had a broken edge when it hit the ground, which would’ve left the wound.” 

Dori’s hand on the other man’s shoulder tightened for a second. “Bastard,” he muttered. 

Balin leaned forward, wrapped his arms around Dori’s middle, and pulled him close. “What matters is we’re all fine.” He turned his head to rest his cheek on Dori’s chest. His speech slightly slurred from his tiredness as he added. “You, me, the boys, everyone.” 

“You’re right, of course.” Dori lightly rubbed Balin’s back as he held him. “But if anything more serious had happened to you, who would I have tea with?” 

Balin chuckled. “You would have a predicament then.” He let out a deep breath and settled more against Dori. They simply stayed like that for a few minutes, then he muttered, “I like it when you hold me… always makes me feel safe…” 

“Right, that’s it. Bedtime.” Dori let go and prompted the injured man to lie down. Then he got in the bed on the other side, and scooted close.

Balin immediately turned over and snuggled in, his head tucked under Dori’s chin. “Like nothing can get me…”

Dori’s breath lightly blew through the short grey curls. He reached down and drew up the thin blanket over them, then closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Balin. “That’s right. Nothing will.”

“I think… I think I…” was the last thing Balin said before falling into sleep.

Dori waited a moment, until he was certain the other man was asleep. “Me too, my friend.”

*

Bilbo didn’t think that the dining room at the Durin house could get any noisier than it had the night before, but he soon discovered that he was wrong. Now that everyone had the common grounds of getting arrested together, everyone in the room was talking, laughing, and generally being entirely too energetic.

Well, except Thorin and Thranduil. Thorin was being grumpy as usual, and Thranduil hardly even looked at anyone, let alone spoke. He seemed to be deep in thought, so Bilbo decided not to disturb him.

Fili, on the other hand, wasn’t so good at ignoring people.

“Mama must really like you,” he commented to Thranduil. “She normally doesn’t let anyone but Bombur and Dori into the kitchen while she’s working.”

Thranduil jumped and looked at Fili, surprised. “I just wanted to be helpful,” he mumbled.

“That’s a first,” Thorin muttered.

“Thorin,” Dis said warningly. Kili and Legolas were already starting to sink under the table.

“No, Dis, let’s get this over with,” Thranduil said, glaring across the table. “He’s been bottling all his emotions up for long enough, so let’s just hear it and move on.”

“Dad,” Legolas began, a pleading tone in his voice. “Can we not—?”

“And you know so much about bottling emotions,” Thorin snapped. “Didn’t know you even knew the meaning of the word.”

Dis slammed her hand on the table. “Not at my table, Thorin!” she said, her tone making all the boys shrink back and whimper out of habit. “You two can go out and have a nice shouting match when we’re done, but you are not doing this now!”

There was a moment of ringing silence during which Bilbo had a sudden revelation of how the band had managed to get this far without a PR manager.

Galadriel finally broke the silence. “So,” she said, looking to the parents who were all trying very hard to ignore the tension in the room. “Any chance any of you will be joining us for the last leg of the tour?”

“Can’t, I’m needed at the shop,” Marnie said with the same forced casualness. “And I understand Gimli is in good hands.” She glanced at Legolas with a smirk.

“Mom!” Gimli said, blushing.

“Sorry about her,” Kili said in an undertone to Legolas. “Interfering busybodies, the lot of them.”

“It’s okay,” Legolas said. “I’m just glad she’s amused by it.”

Kili shrugged. “She knows it’s harmless. And Gimli is old enough to make mistakes here and there.”

“I don’t want to be a mistake,” Legolas said quietly. “But he’s too young…”

“I know.” Kili gave Legolas a severe look to rival his mother. “I trust you, Greenleaf, so don’t break his heart too badly. At least be kind about it.”

“I will,” Legolas promised. 

“Hey, Dad, is my flute still at your house?” Bofur asked.

“Think so,” Brian answered. “In the attic, maybe. Probably horribly out of tune.”

“I can fix it,” Bofur said. “I’ll grab it tonight.”

Thorin frowned. “What do you need a flute for?” he asked.

Bofur shrugged. “We’re rearranging a few of the new songs we’ve done,” he said smoothly. “Thought some new instrumentation might help and a synthesizer just isn’t the same.”

“We want our violins, too,” Fili said, glancing at his mother.

“Also in my attic,” Brian told him. “Also probably warped out of tune.”

“We’ll deal,” Kili said. “Not like we can’t find new strings somewhere.”

“You just want to give me more work to do, don’t you?” Gimli asked with a mock-glare.

Kili laughed. “Well, gotta pull your weight, Gims,” he said sweetly. “We’re paying you enough, I think you can keep track of three more things.”

“Heck, we already trust you with our guitars,” Fili added. “We know you’re well up to the task.”

“After all,” Nori said with a grin. “You’ve been great at handling—”

“If you finish that sentence, I will end you,” Gloin interrupted.

Nori fell silent, though his smirk didn’t disappear.

Overall, it wasn’t the worst dinner Bilbo had ever had to sit through. He glanced at Gandalf, who only smiled back.

“It’s impossible to have a bad dinner at Dis’s table,” Gandalf said in an undertone. “And I think you’ve done well in getting them all to be friends.”

“But I haven’t done anything,” Bilbo protested. “They did it all themselves with a bit of prodding along the way.”

Gandalf chuckled. “I think you’ll find that you’ve done more than you think,” he said. “Now let’s just hope it will work on Thorin and Thranduil.”

Bilbo glanced at the pair, who were now just pointedly ignoring each other. “Maybe Thranduil has a point,” he said. “Is there any room in this house that has a good lock and is sound-proof?”

*

“Were you planning to sleep tonight?”

Thorin looked up from his place on the porch step as Thranduil came out and sat down beside him. Thorin sighed, but decided it wasn’t worth getting into a fight right now.

“I can sleep on the bus tomorrow,” he mumbled. “You?”

Thranduil shrugged. “Adrenalin hasn’t worn off yet,” he said. He reached into his pocket for his cigarettes and offered one to Thorin.

Thorin waved him off. “So you’re going to sit out here and annoy me, then?”

“I meant what I said earlier,” Thranduil told him, lighting a cigarette and inhaling sharply. “Just get it out. Say whatever it is you’re dying to say so we can move on.”

Thorin was quiet for a moment. “You remember what we said?” he asked. “When I came crawling into your apartment?”

“You told me I was deluded,” Thranduil answered. “That I would end up like you, only worse, and that I was going to kill you one of these days. You said I was too high on fame and fortune to recognize who I was hurting.” He paused. “I’m surprised you even remember that, you were so lit.”

“I begged you to help me,” Thorin said quietly. “I asked you to do something…anything…to come with us and show them what was what.” His eyes were starting to burn. “You told me I was a wreck and to get out of your life. That you didn’t want me around anymore.”

“I was scared,” Thranduil said. “I was scared that if I was associated with you my career would be over. I couldn’t let that happen because…”

“Because you knew you’d need the money,” Thorin finished. “You wanted to give them a good life.”

“Exactly.” They were quiet again before Thranduil continued. “Dis said that she couldn’t lose her family. And I understand that. We had the same reasons.”

“I needed you,” Thorin whispered, each word sounding like a struggle. “I needed someone who people still liked on my side. I needed someone to help me who knew what they were doing...and you were the person I knew who could do that.”

“So what was I supposed to do?” Thranduil asked bitterly. “They needed me, too, Thorin. I couldn’t put their futures on the line for you. I was trying to clean up my image a bit…be more than the pretty boy in tight pants…be someone my son could be proud of.”

“And how’d that work for you?” Thorin asked before he could stop himself.

Thranduil glared at him, but then softened. “Not as well as it should have,” he admitted. “I was always so concerned about giving him things...it was all I could give him, really.”

“My nephews never asked for things,” Thorin said quietly. “Not that they couldn’t, but they never really wanted anything. I always felt like I failed them…like I should have given them the ritzy lifestyle. I mean, what kind of rock star uncle can’t do that?”

“You’ve failed a lot,” Thranduil said. “I’m not going to sugarcoat that for you.”

“I don’t expect it,” Thorin said. “You’re right.”

“But I don’t think you’ve failed them.” Thranduil looked at him directly for the first time in decades. “I’ve seen them, these last couple months, and…and they’re good kids. They know what they’re worth…what you’re worth. They love you, Thorin…they love each other. And I’m glad that Legolas can be friends with them.”

Thorin looked down. “Thank you,” he said.

They were quiet for a few more minutes until Thranduil was done with his cigarette. They both stood up at the same time. “So,” Thranduil said. “Do we go back to being all catty and fabulous at each other now? Or do you want to start again?”

Thorin smiled slightly. “Let’s start again,” he said. He held out his hand. “Thorin Oakenshield, manager of Durin’s Sons.”

Thranduil took it, also smiling. “Thranduil Greenleaf, manager of Princes of Mirkwood,” he answered. “I was hoping to take your sister to the gala.”

“Doesn’t need my permission,” Thorin said. “But I think you’re a little too old for her.”

“We’ll just see what she says,” Thranduil answered, and they went back into the house together.


	21. In which everyone is pretty much done with everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The musicians work on their song together. Gimli and Legolas have a talk.

_Dear Sigrid,_

_I’m very sorry I worried you these last few days. Given the circumstances, I haven’t been allowed near social media or my phone unless I was talking to family. It’s been a bit hectic, as I’m sure you can imagine._

_But don’t worry. Mr. Bilbo has sorted everything out and given me back my media privileges. Granted, we had to start a fight and get arrested to do it, but he managed to work it out. Don’t worry, we’re all mostly fine, except our co-manager who got a concussion, but he’s okay, really. This isn’t going to press, so please don’t spread it around._

_Don’t know if you saw on the news, but we’ve started attracting a lot of protesters. The Westboro Baptists were kind enough to grace us with their presence in Milwaukee, and I hear there’s going to be an even bigger demonstration in Chicago. Of course, that one will be even worse because the Ori Scriver Protection Squad has already sent out a call to all their girls to go counter-protest, which means we’re anticipating a bit of violence. I only hope we can spin it positively._

_We’re almost done with this tour, thank God. I’m not really supposed to admit this, but I’m exhausted. Don’t get me wrong, I love my music, and I like being with these boys, but two months on the road is a bit much. We’re talking about taking a hiatus after this album drops just so we can function again._

_I’m thinking two years off, maybe. Tours are exhausting to start with, but this one has been one of the most draining on all of us. Besides, we’ve released three albums in five years. I think we’ve earned a break._

_I’m just so…tired. It’s weird, because I’m usually tired, but this time, it’s too much, and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s also because I’m scared because…well, Bilbo doesn’t want us to spoil the surprise, but there’s a very big thing happening in Cincinnati and it could possibly end my career in a rather inglorious fashion, depending on how my uncle takes it._

_But enough of my doom and gloom. Tell me about your summer, your siblings, anything. I really need a friend right now, and you’re the best one I have._

_Sincerely,_

_Fili_

*

“Okay,” Bilbo said as the musicians finished getting set-up. “Think we’re ready to do this?”

“Well, we’re ready to try,” Nori said. “You sure this room is sound-proof?”

“Positive,” Bilbo said. “And we’re on the other side of the hotel from Thorin, so he’s not likely to walk in on us. So let’s do this.”

“Give us a pitch, Galadriel,” Fili called. She did and they began.

It was…well, it wasn’t awful, considering they’d only been practicing for a few weeks, and only now had the proper instrumentation. There were a few missteps, certainly--all nine musicians had very distinct styles and they were bound to clash—but really, it wasn’t too bad.

In fact, Bilbo found himself singing softly with the melody line Legolas was playing to keep them together.

_Far over the Misty Mountains Cold,_  
_In dungeons deep and caverns old,_  
_We must away at break of day,_  
_To seek our long forgotten gold…_

Bilbo knew his voice was fairer than Thorin’s, that he really wasn’t suited to singing this song, but at least they had someone supplying words and melody to the harmonies they were practicing. Indeed, they seemed to get better as Bilbo sang with them. 

Tauriel’s eyes closed, though her hands kept moving over her guitar perfectly, feeling her way instead of rigidly following the music. Kili closed his eyes as well, unusually calm as he played his violin—and why hadn’t anyone mentioned that the Durin boys could do that? Fili, too, looked more peaceful, more relaxed as he played, as though for once he didn’t have to take care of everyone, as though he was finally home.

There had been some discussion (read: violent shouting) between Ori and Lindir about who would be on drums and who would be on axillary percussion, but Ori had finally won out, saying that he knew the song better and was more used to Thorin’s moods. In spite of that, both looked happy as they kept the rhythms of the song, exchanging subtle looks when they needed to adjust, speaking a language that only a percussionist could understand.

Bofur had insisted on sitting on the floor beside Nori to play his flute, saying it felt more natural than standing at perfect attention and he’d had quite enough of that in high school, thank you. His eyes shone with wonder as they worked, the notes from his flute tangling with those from the violins. Nori was utterly focused on his bass, for once not looking for mischief but letting himself be lost in the music.

Galadriel, as always, looked perfect, her hands moving over the piano with ease, playing chords and arpeggios that should have been impossible, improvising in spots where the music was too neglected. But no one seemed to mind. If there was anyone who was allowed to mess with Thorin’s music, it was her. Legolas sat beside her, trying to stay out of her way as he picked out the melody, though as Bilbo’s voice grew louder, he stopped trying and instead focused on the vocal harmonies he was also providing.

It was twelve minutes of almost-pure magic. Bilbo only hoped that having Erebor with them would solidify it.

At the end, though, they did have to stop. Kili played a last, lingering note on his violin and opened his eyes. “Well,” he said. “That wasn’t too bad.”

“You didn’t tell us you could sing!” Bofur exclaimed, looking over at Bilbo in amazement.

“Well…a bit,” Bilbo admitted. “Not really something I’ve trained in…”

“Nonsense, it was lovely,” Galadriel said. “You’re always so full of surprises.”

Bilbo shrugged, blushing. “It’ll sound better with Thorin,” he mumbled.

“No, seriously,” Lindir said. “That was great. Is there anything else you can do?”

“Learned the clarinet in school,” Bilbo joked.

Tauriel was looking at Kili, enraptured. “You look so beautiful,” she whispered.

“Primary instrument,” Kili said with a smirk. “And I don’t look half as beautiful as you.”

Ori threw a drumstick at them. “No flirting during rehearsals!”

*

“Battle stations,” Thorin muttered as they pulled up behind the theater in Chicago.

“Relax,” Fili said, not even looking up from his phone. “The protests are taking place by the front door. Not that I envy the traffic cops, but we won’t get mobbed, at least.”

“Wouldn’t count on that yet,” Bilbo muttered. “Didn’t think we’d get mobbed in St. Paul, either.”

“Even if the protesters try to start something, we’ll be all right,” Ori cut in. “For one thing, this time we have more backup.”

“Backup?” Thorin repeated, glancing at Bilbo who looked equally confused.

“You don’t check Tumblr, do you?” Ori asked.

“What’s a Tumblr?” Thorin asked, dumbly. Bilbo wasn’t sure if he was lying.

“Long story short, there’s a very dedicated facet of fangirls who have dubbed themselves the Ori Scriver Protection Squad,” Kili explained. “Who have based their entire existence on the idea that our dear little Ori Rollins Scriver is constantly picked on by us big bad boys.”

“Which isn’t entirely incorrect,” Dori muttered.

“They’ve recently decided to extend that protection to us,” Nori continued. “And upon the announcement that there would be a big anti-gay protest here tonight, they immediately took to the interwebs to dredge up as many of them to counter-protest as they could.”

“So your idea of backup is a bunch of rabid teenage fangirls?” Bilbo asked, nonplussed.

“They seemed to have reached critical mass when we passed them,” Ori said happily. “I think if anyone tried to hurt us, they’d wind up with a bunch of souvenir pens shoved into various orifices.”

“Right,” Bilbo muttered. “Well, regardless of all that, there’s still paparazzi outside, so battle stations!”

The noise outside was incredible, incoherent chants and arguments filtering back to their little parking lot. The paparazzi did shout a lot and snap some pictures, but no one paid them any mind as they hurried into the theater.

*

“Hey, Legolas?”

Legolas looked up from the book he was reading and smiled at Gimli. “Yes?”

Gimli shifted from foot to foot, his face as red as his hair. He was rubbing the back of his neck with one hand, but he still managed to look Legolas in the face. “So…I think this is weird and awkward cause I haven’t known you that long and I know you’re way older than me, but I was thinking when we get back to New York that we could, I don’t know, get together sometime?”

Legolas sighed. He’d been expecting it, really, though he had hoped that the tour would be over first to make it less awkward. Then again, they only had a few days left, so it wouldn’t be too bad. “Look,” he said. “I’m flattered, really…and you’re a nice kid, Gimli, but…but you’re also only seventeen and I can’t…I can’t be with someone that young.”

Gimli’s face fell, though at least he stopped shifting. “Okay,” he said. “Yeah, I get it. It was dumb to think…never mind.” He turned to walk away.

“Gimli!” He turned and looked at Legolas, obviously trying not to cry. Legolas took a breath to steady himself. “I’m not saying it could never happen,” Legolas continued. “But I want you to be sure that it’s what you really want.”

“I do,” Gimli insisted. “I know I’m young, but I know what I want.”

“No,” Legolas said firmly. “You have a future. You have a lot of things ahead of you and…and I can’t hold you back from that. I want you to experience it all, without me weighing you down.”

“You wouldn’t…”

“I would.” Legolas stood up and tried to smile. “So here’s what I want you to do. I want you to finish school. Go to college. Meet people, date people, live life like normal people do. Then…” Legolas took another deep breath. “If, in five years or so, you’ve done all that and you’re still interested…then you can call me and we’ll see what happens.”

Gimli stared at Legolas for a long moment, then nodded. “I can do that,” he said quietly. 

Legolas nodded back. He hesitated a moment, glancing around, before he bent and kissed Gimli briefly on the mouth before vanishing into a dressing room. 

*

_Dear Fili,_

_You got into a fight and got arrested?!?! I know I’m not supposed to spread it around, but you have to tell me what happened! I’m glad to hear you’re all okay, but that’s still a scary thing to hear about!_

_Anyway, beyond that, I’m sorry that everything has turned into such a circus for you. I know that if I were on that tour, I’d be ready to take a break as well. I mean, the concert was great, don’t get me wrong, just…hearing about all of that makes me worry a lot. Please try to at least get some rest when you’re done, even if you don’t take the hiatus._

_Tilda and Bain are being their usual annoying selves. Tilda keeps hogging the computer to get updates from Tumblr about whatever you’re up to (she actually told me about the protest before you did and was very disappointed when Da said she couldn’t fly to Chicago to join in.) Bain is being moody, as usual, but he’s a teenage boy, so what can you expect?_

_My summer has been typically dull, as usual. I keep trying to convince Da to let me get a part-time job so I can contribute something, but he says that I should focus on being a kid and not worry about all of that yet. He doesn’t understand that I haven’t been a kid in a long time. I have to worry about our family._

_I have started looking at colleges, though most of them are so expensive that I balk at applying. I don’t think I could get scholarships with my grades, and Da’s income is just enough to make the FAFSA useless. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m scared, too, though with far less certainly._

_And here I am, being gloomy when you probably wanted cheer! What a pair we make sometimes!_

_Sincerely,_

_Sigrid._


	22. In which the tour finally ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of the tour has come.

**Youtube: Durin’s Sons**

**Tour: Reclaimed**

_The bands both sit on a hotel bed, looking as tired as possible. Bofur is passed out on Nori’s lap and Kili has appropriated Tauriel’s stomach as a pillow. Nori is leaning back against Fili, who in turn has his legs thrown over Ori’s lap. Ori leans on the headboard next to Lindir, who’s leaning on Ori’s shoulder, and Legolas is curled up at the foot of the bed, looking very pathetic._

_“Well, fans, here we are,” Kili mutters without opening his eyes._

_“Last day of the tour,” Ori adds. “Cincinnati, Ohio. And what a beautiful city it is!”_

_“Have you gone outside since we got here?” Lindir asks._

_“It looks nice out the window,” Ori says._

_“For those of you who are incredibly thick, we have guests,” Nori says, petting Bofur’s hair. “The Princes of Mirkwood have graciously agreed to join us for this final vlog.”_

_“More like we didn’t want to move,” Tauriel groans._

_“And if you’re wondering why they’re all passed out on one of our beds to begin with,” Fili says with a slight smirk. “Well, that would be Kili’s doing.”_

_“Never, ever challenge these guys to see who can run up and down the stairs the most times before we get yelled at,” Kili says. “You’ll lose. Badly. And then Thorin will tell you all to shut up before he calls your mom.”_

_“All those exercise videos for naught,” Tauriel sighs. “You’d think that having five against three would give you an advantage.”_

_“Apparently not,” Kili mutters. “Now stop talking. You’re moving too much.”_

_“Me pardon,” she mutters._

_“Anyway,” Fili cuts in before that devolves into something not-family-friendly. “We’re at the end of our tour, so we thought we’d make a vlog thanking all of you for supporting us. This has been…well, it’s been an interesting trip.”_

_“How’d we do?” Nori asks._

_“Well, there have only been two major scandals, so I’d call it a success,” Lindir says. “And we made back our entire budget, so no one can complain.”_

_“There you go!” Nori laughs. “And remember, albums are on sale right now, so make sure to download both of them!”_

_“Thanks again for being such great fans,” Fili adds. “Now I’m going to turn this off because I think we’re all about to die.”_

_“We appreciate it a lot,” Lindir says. “Thanks for the ride!”_

_“Love you all!” Nori blows a kiss to the camera and the video ends._

*

Bilbo had never seen the backstage so subdued. The boys were fidgety, to be sure, but they weren’t talking. He wasn’t sure if it was end-of-tour blues or merely nerves about what they were going to do tonight.

“Relax,” he murmured to them. “Whatever happens, it’s going to be okay. I’ll still be here.”

“We know,” Fili said. “We know that…if Thorin doesn’t…well, we know you’ll defend us.”

Bilbo shrugged. “Just my job,” he said.

“Yeah, but…” Fili hesitated. “It’s not, is it? Your job is to make us look good…make sure we’re pretty. You’ve done more than that.”

“Not really,” Bilbo said, nonplussed.

“You helped him,” Kili said, a bit unexpectedly. “Uncle has never been this calm on a tour before. And you’ve saved our sorry asses more than we’d like to admit, with both him and the public.”

“You’re the best PR manager we’ve ever had,” Ori added. “I don’t know what we’d do without you.”

“Thank you,” Bofur said, smiling.

Bilbo blushed. “Come on,” he said. “Time for you to go.”

The boys went onstage, to thunderous applause and screams. No matter what the press said, no matter how many protesters were outside, they were still popular. At least Bilbo could still rely on that for a little while.

But there was no time to linger on that. He turned and went back into Durin’s Sons’ dressing room and looked to the hair and makeup girls. “Ready?” he asked.

One of them nodded. “Get them in here.”

Bilbo grinned and went backstage to where Thorin was watching the boys. “Meeting in the dressing room,” he muttered.

Thorin started. “What about?”

“Long story. I’ll tell you when we’re gathered.” He kept walking. Thorin raised his eyebrows, but then did as directed.

Bilbo relayed the same message to Balin and Dwalin. He hesitated a moment before heading over and sending Thranduil back as well.

Now all he had to do was wait.

*

As soon as Durin’s Sons came offstage, they headed for Bilbo. “Everyone getting ready?” Fili asked in an undertone while Kili and Tauriel played “A Promise in the Starlight” to cover the set change.

“Well, I haven’t heard anyone getting murdered, so I’ll assume so,” Bilbo said. “Got everything prepared on your end?”

“Ready as soon as we get the word,” Fili answered. “I hope they at least don’t get angry.”

“They won’t,” Bilbo said firmly. “It will be fine.” He took several deep breaths, hoping that was true.

Kili came backstage and the Princes of Mirkwood started. Bilbo wondered if he should go check to see what was going on in the dressing room, but decided against it. No one was going to murder the wardrobe department. They probably all thought it was part of some elaborate prank vlog that the boys were setting up and had resigned themselves to it.

As the Princes of Mirkwood played, Bilbo could feel the tension backstage rising. The boys all looked incredibly scared by now, but Bilbo knew they wouldn’t back down. Not now. Not this time.

The Princes of Mirkwood finished and Galadriel went on. The Princes hurried backstage and quickly fixed themselves up before getting into their places backstage, just waiting for the signal.

It was the tensest hour Bilbo had ever had to endure. Kili was vibrating out of his skin, Ori was nervously flipping his drum sticks between his fingers, Bofur kept messing with his flute, and Nori looked like he was going to break a string any moment. But Fili was the worst. He looked absolutely sick, as though this simple act of defiance, this one moment of trying to do good, was going to take his uncle away from him entirely. Bilbo almost felt sorry for him, but he squared his shoulders. No. Thorin would understand. Thorin wouldn’t reject them. Not like this.

The dressing room door opened just as Galadriel began her last song and Thorin, Balin, Dwalin and Thranduil were shoved out. The makeup girls gave Bilbo a very severe glare before they shut the door again, and the men didn’t look much happier. Their faces were a mixture of confusion and annoyance, but Bilbo didn’t elaborate just then.

The last notes of “Few Remember” faded out and Galadriel stood up and bowed to the applause. She smiled and then sat back down. 

“It’s the last night of our tour,” she said. “So we’ve got a special final number for you all.”

Durin’s Sons and Princes of Mirkwood took a collective breath and hurried out to get set up. Fili set his violin on a stand, his guitar still in hand, and nodded.

The men on stage all began to hum a low, mournful memory as Fili stepped up to the mic, strumming chords on his guitar. Bilbo glanced at Thorin, who was staring at the stage in absolute shock.

“Thirty years ago,” Fili said. “There was a band called Erebor. It was a pretty good band…hair metal…though you’re probably all too young to appreciate that.” There was a bit of laughter from the audience. “But that band is the biggest influence on Durin’s Sons, not because of the music…well, not entirely. Most of you know that my uncle and manager is Thorin Oakenshield, who was the front man of Erebor. But he lost that…long story, kind of boring, but he did. And today, we’re here to reclaim it.” His eyes shone with passion. “This is the last song he wrote, and the best. He sang it to me as a kid, as a lullaby, and today, we’d like to share it with all of you. Because Erebor is back in his hands.” Fili looked offstage, to where Thorin and his former bandmates all stood, gawking. “Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Thorin Oakenshield, Balin Fundin, and Dwalin Fundin—otherwise known as the band Erebor, with their song ‘Over the Misty Mountains Cold!’”

There was thunderous applause and a lot more shrieking. The former band stood rooted to the floor until Bilbo gave them all a little push. Slowly, ever so slowly, Thorin led his band onstage. He walked straight to Fili, his eyes shining with tears. Fili took the guitar strap off and wordlessly handed his guitar to Thorin as Nori handed his bass to Balin and Ori surrendered the drums to Dwalin.

The humming stopped for the barest moment as Thorin stepped up to the mic and Fili picked up his violin. Thorin looked to his nephews, to the other musicians, to his band, and then began to sing.

_Far over the Misty Mountains cold,_   
_In dungeons deep and caverns old._

Balin joined in, almost without thinking. It was still natural after so many years.

_We must away ere break of day_   
_To seek our long forgotten gold._

Bilbo smiled, listening as the various harmonies chimed in, hearing the details of the world Thorin had imagined, the story of a kingdom lost.

Thranduil looked down at Bilbo. “Why am I here?” he asked.

“You were supposed to be on this track, weren’t you?” Bilbo asked. “Sometime after the bridge?”

“Well, yes, but…”

“But nothing.” Bilbo gave him a severe look. “This is how it’s meant to be. And you will be part of it.”

It was a long song, but no one seemed to mind. When Kili began the bridge on his violin, Tauriel and Galadriel providing the harmony with their voices, Bilbo shoved Thranduil toward the stage. He took it, only briefly registering the look of surprise on Thorin’s face before joining him at the mic.

_Under the Mountain dark and tall_   
_The King has come unto his hall!_   
_His foe is dead, the Worm of Dread,_   
_And ever so his foes shall fall._

Bilbo knew that someone was filming this—probably Gandalf himself, come to think of it. After all, there was going to be a comeback album after this—there was no way there couldn’t be. Of course, that would mean another tour, and another set of clients to police, though Balin could probably keep them in check…still, better up the contracted salary amount if he was going to deal with Thorin in public…

_We must away._   
_We must away._   
_We ride before the break of day._

Kili played the last note. There was a moment of silence before the hall erupted into noise, applause, screams, general mayhem, and Bilbo couldn’t help but laugh, especially when Thorin turned and pulled both of his nephews into a tight hug, Fili’s guitar squished between them and both violins hitting Thorin’s back with the bows coming dangerously close to taking Thranduil’s eyes out. But Thranduil only smiled and turned to embrace his own son. Bilbo made sure to get as many pictures as possible of the on-stage hug fest on his phone. He had a feeling he was going to need them later.

*

**Blog Post: Reclamation Tour Conclusion**

**Aragorn Arathorn, Rivendell Press Online Edition**

**I’m dead.**

**They have officially killed me.**

**I don’t think I’ll ever recover.**

**Write my obituary thus: “Aragorn Arathorn, 1976-2015. Music critic. Cause of Death: Pure joy from hearing Durin’s Sons, Princes of Mirkwood, Galadriel Lorien, and FUCKING EREBOR AND THRANDUIL GREENLEAF PLAY MISTY MOUNTAINS COLD IN THE ACOUSTIC VERSION WHAT IS THIS SHIT WHY DID NO ONE WARN ME HOW DID THIS STAY SECRET FOR SO LONG OH GOD I’M TEN YEARS OLD AND SINGING INTO MY MOM’S HAIRBRUSH AGAIN!”**

**Yeah. I’m an Erebabe. And as of this moment, my life is complete and I can go happily.**

*

The music was loud, the alcohol was flowing, and some friend of Gandalf’s who had only been introduced as “Mr. Brown” had shown up with something that Dori immediately confiscated, much to everyone’s amusement. There was laughter from the assembled musicians and their crews, and for the first time in a long time, Thorin felt that he could actually relax.

He couldn’t help but smile as he looked over them all, his boys and his band and his family. Something that no one could take away from him. Something that he could cling to until the day he died.

Gandalf had already approached him about a comeback album, and Thorin had agreed immediately. When Balin balked at the idea of entering another unknown contract, Thorin only patted his friend’s arm. “He’s treated the boys fairly,” Thorin said. “I know we can trust him.”

So there was that to look forward to. Thorin was already thinking about the unfinished drafts and scribbled out notebooks hiding in Dis’s closets to fill out the album. Though of course he’d include the others on the album cut of “Misty Mountains.” It was all of theirs now.

He looked around the room. Kili and Tauriel were curled together on a loveseat, sipping champagne and arguing about the correct harmony line for a rerecording of “The Dreamcatcher.” Fili sat beside him, his guitar on his knee, though he wasn’t listening to them. He was humming to himself, playing the occasional cord, composing a new melody, though Thorin wasn’t sure how he could hear it over the noise of the room.

Dwalin, Lindir and Ori were gathered in a corner, no doubt discussing the fine points of drum tuning or something oppressively boring like that. All three seemed to be enjoying it, though, so Thorin knew to leave them alone. Balin and Dori stood nearby, trying to look like they weren’t hovering as they chatted about knitting or something. Thorin never asked what they talked about.

Gimli was sitting with his father and uncle, looking a bit sad, but not horribly so. He at least smiled when Galadriel went over and asked if he would be available to help her take her piano back up to her apartment next week in exchange for cash. Gloin frowned in mild disapproval, but didn’t object to the notion.

Thranduil and Legolas had retreated to another corner, where they seemed to be discussing something quite serious. Thranduil also looked very sad, but there was a conviction in Legolas’s eyes that told Thorin that the boy would be getting whatever he was after.

Gandalf and Mr. Brown were sitting with Bofur, Bifur and Bombur. Bofur and Bombur weren’t saying much, as everyone else was speaking in very rapid Gaelic, though they would chime in occasionally. Thorin had no idea if what they were saying was relevant to the conversation, but by Bifur’s nods, he figured it must have been.

He felt a small presence at his side and he turned to grin down at Bilbo, who smiled back easily. “So,” Bilbo said. “All’s well that ends well?”

“Think so,” Thorin said. “Thank you.”

Bilbo shrugged. “Just wait until you get my bill.”

Thorin laughed, then frowned, realizing there was someone missing from his counting. “Bilbo,” he asked. “Where’s Nori?”

Bilbo’s cheeks dimpled. “He went to get the video camera.”

“What?” Thorin’s brow creased. “Why…?”

A dark object suddenly flew past him. Thorin turned and spotted Nori, camera in one hand, a box of records at his feet. “Fili!” he called.

Fili instantly put down his guitar and turned to catch the next record that was thrown like a Frisbee. He then tossed it to Kili, who didn’t even disentangle himself from Tauriel before he sent it flying over to Bofur.

Soon, there were records flying in all directions, tossed from hand to hand easily, and not a one getting dropped. Thorin ducked and dodged around them, unsure how all the other people in the room had practiced this without him knowing. Then again, they were all full of surprises.

And then they began to sing.

_Break the strings, drink too much,_   
_Remind him how he’s lost his touch,_   
_Take your chances and fight his fate—_   
_That’s what Uncle Thorin hates!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the full twelve-minute version of "Misty Mountains Cold," here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oc7tl_5AdM


	23. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to internet failures at home, chapter is early while I'm at the office. Enjoy!

**Reddit Q &A Announcement**

**In light of their recent announcement, on August 7, Bofur Mattocks and Nori Scriver of Durin’s Sons will be taking questions. The link will be posted on all relevant Twitter accounts. All questions will be screened by management before they are answered, so keep them family friendly. Thank you.**

*

Bofur groaned and turned over to bury his face in the pillow. The tour after-party had been good, perhaps too much so. 

“Too much to drink last night?” Nori asked, roused awake by his boyfriend’s movement and pitiful noises. 

“Mhm.” Bofur shifted for another moment, not finding any position comfortable enough for his hangover headache. 

“I doubt you’re the only one.” Nori kissed the other man’s bare shoulder. “Want me to get you coffee and meds?” 

“That would be nice.” Bofur’s response was muffled by the pillow. 

“Be back in a few.” 

Bofur sat up, back against the headboard, and waited in the dim room. He chuckled, not really regretting how many drinks he’d had, despite the protesting of his head. They had all deserved it, after the fun, but long and stressful tour. Despite the unpleasant things that had happened, they would come out stronger for it, like they always did.

Nori came back a few minutes later, two mugs of coffee and a plate of toast for them to share on a tray. “Tauriel came back with Kili, just so you know.”

Bofur nodded, and quickly swallowed the two pills on the plate. “Thanks.”

After they finished their breakfast in bed, Nori put the tray down on the floor and moved up to sit next to Bofur. Bofur immediately laid his head on Nori’s shoulder, then slid down his torso until his head was in Nori’s lap. 

“I take it it’ll be awhile before you get out of bed,” Nori laughed.

“Safe to say that.”

“So… are we ready for the interviews and stuff in a couple days?”

“You’re worried about that?”

Nori lightly shook his head. “Not really. A little nervous, more like.”

“It’ll be fine. You’re good, I’m great, we’re even better together.” 

“Hey, why am I only good? And what makes you great?” Nori replied with a swat to the other man’s shoulder. 

Bofur laughed. “Point is, we’ll be alright. Tell our story, be inspirational to whoever needs it, be brilliant as usual.”

“Break a few hearts,” Nori added.

“That’s already happened. All the fangirls and boys already know that the bad boy is taken by me.” 

Nori was quiet for a moment. “I don’t like how it happened, but it is freeing.” 

Bofur took Nori’s hand, kissed the palm, and held it down on his chest. “Aye, that it is.” 

*

**Durin’s Sons Hiatus**  
_ Durin’s Sons announced today that they will be taking a two year hiatus from music, citing exhaustion. _

**Kililuv reblogged this from bofur-is-my-bae and added:**  
_Two whole years? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_

_**Oriscriverprotection reblogged this from kililuv and added:**  
_Ori is doing a meetup in New York tomorrow to answer questions!_ _

_**Durinfans reblogged this from oriscriverprotection and added:**  
_Sad to hear it. Rest well, boys, and we’ll be here when you get back._ _

__**Filiforever reblogged this from durinfans and added:**  
_Hope they’re all okay… :(_ _ _

__*_ _

__Ori looked at the long line of teenagers and sighed. He only hoped he wouldn’t disappoint any of them. And of course he was the one who had to do the fan meet-up._ _

__“It’s because you’re cute,” Bilbo insisted, but Ori just felt awkward._ _

__At least most of the kids were nice, mostly teenage girls confessing to being part of the Protection Squad, and assuring him that they were all on his side and would support the band through anything._ _

__Dori stood just behind him, just in case anyone tried anything, but really, it wasn’t necessary. There was no danger here, and if there was, there was an army at his beck and call._ _

__“Bored yet?” Dori whispered after an hour._ _

__“Of course not,” Ori muttered back. “They’re good kids. I just worry I’ll embarrass myself.”_ _

__“Well, too bad,” Dori said with a smirk. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten you snuck into a bar on this tour.”_ _

__Ori sighed. “Knew you’d get me for that eventually.”_ _

__“I’m your big brother. It’s my job.”_ _

__*_ _

__**Princes of Mirkwood Take Indefinite Hiatus** _ _

__**Glorfindel Ford, Rivendell Press** _ _

__**The Princes of Mirkwood are going on hiatus indefinitely.** _ _

__**“We are very tired after our last tour,” said Legolas Greenleaf, lead singer of the band in an official statement Tuesday. “We need time off to recharge, and I want to go back to school.”** _ _

__**Rumors of contract disputes and conflicts with manager Thranduil Greenleaf remain unconfirmed. However, it cannot be disputed that the band’s last album, “King Sword,” did not sell as well as expected.** _ _

__**“We’re disappointed,” said drummer Lindir Rivers. “But it was a bit of a wake-up call. Whatever we were doing needs to change, and it won’t change if we keep on like this.”** _ _

__**Thranduil Greenleaf could not be reached for comment.** _ _

__*_ _

__“Hey, Dad?” Legolas called._ _

__Thranduil looked up from where he was cooking a simple dinner. Whatever he told Dis, he wasn’t exactly a master chef. “Yes?”_ _

__“Do you know anything about algebra?”_ _

__Thranduil raised his eyebrows. “Not a damn thing,” he said. “Why?”_ _

__“Apparently it’s something I have to learn to get a GED,” Legolas answered. “And it makes no sense at all.”_ _

__“Maybe you should ask that boy you were working with over the summer,” Thranduil suggested. “I’m sure Thorin will give me his contact information.”_ _

__Legolas blushed. “We, uh…didn’t part on great terms,” he mumbled. “I mean…not that I think he’s angry or hates me or whatever, but…it would be awkward.”_ _

__Thranduil sighed. “Well, then,” he said, abandoning his food and going over to the table where Legolas was puzzling over something on his laptop. “I suppose it’s not too late for us to figure it out together.”_ _

__Legolas smiled at him and Thranduil was content._ _

__*_ _

__**Over the Evenstar, Onto the Daylight** _ _

__**Haldir Loth, Magic Mirror** _ _

__**The rumors were all true—Kili Durin, of Durin’s Sons, has abandoned his starlit of the silver screen and has a new flame.** _ _

__**Durin’s relationship with Arwen Evenstar was reported in this magazine just three months ago, but whatever it was—a spring fling, a one-night stand, or just a few dates—it’s long over now, as Durin has most recently been frequently seen in the company of Tauriel Sylvan, of Princes of Mirkwood fame.** _ _

__**While their respective handlers have been very mum about their romantic relationship, it has been confirmed that Durin and Sylvan will be releasing an album together at the end of next year, “just to tide you over while our bands are on hiatus,” according to an official statement released by Durin’s Sons press manager.** _ _

__*_ _

_____On the evening,_  
_I was leaving,_  
_My love dreamed of me._  
_I was sleeping,_  
_She was weeping,_  
_And she said to me…_

__“Try it a key higher,” Tauriel said. “I don’t think that sounds quite right.”_ _

__“Maybe,” Kili muttered. “Give us a pitch, love.”_ _

__She played the note and Kili sang the verse again. Tauriel frowned and made a note in her music._ _

__“Think we’re rushing this at all?” she asked without looking up._ _

__Kili raised his eyebrow. They were sitting on the floor of Kili’s living room in St. Paul, arranging and writing new music for their upcoming album in between make-out sessions. It was going as well as could be expected._ _

__“I don’t think so,” he finally said. “I mean, it’s not like we’ve announced our engagement or anything.”_ _

__“I know, but…” Tauriel trailed off. “I just worry that you’ll lose interest once the creative spark is gone.”_ _

__“That’s not going to happen,” Kili assured her. “I think we have too much music to make together.” He picked up his guitar and played a few cords. “Besides, you’re way too hot for me to ever lose interest.”_ _

__“Is that all I am?” she teased._ _

__“Of course not,” Kili said. “But it’s what’s gonna make everyone else wish they were me.”_ _

__Tauriel looked up from her notebook for a moment before she tackled him onto the floor._ _

__He barely had time to put his guitar down._ _

__*_ _

_Dear Fili,_

_I’m starting school next week. It seems so strange, going back to high school knowing you’re my friend. I don’t think I should tell any of my other friends about meeting you—it would only cause them to be insufferably jealous and get them all to be begging for ridiculous things. Or else they’ll think I’m lying._

_Still, I am comforted knowing I can get back into the monotony of school with this secret just for me. I’ve forbidden Tilda and Bain from telling anyone, either. Not that I’m ashamed! I just think it will be easier if this is just something for me._

_I’ve enclosed my latest carving—I hope you like it. I couldn’t quite get your hair right—there’s just so much of it! How do you ever manage to take care of it? I would, of course, love to hear Mr. Bifur’s advice, if he has any. And with your encouragement, I know I can make something more of myself than I thought before._

_I have started looking at colleges. Would it be remiss of me to apply for school in New York, hoping you’ll be there to help me around? Or do you intend to go back to St. Paul during the hiatus?_

_Thanks for everything,_

_Sigrid._

__*_ _

_Dear Sigrid,_

_I think it would be great if you applied for college in New York! I am spending the hiatus in St. Paul, but I should be back by the time you’re starting. And even if you don’t go there, you should come visit sometime and I’ll show you around._

_The carving is beautiful. I’ve put it on the mantle in our shared house in St. Paul, along with other things that fans have sent over the years, but yours is in the center. I think you got my hair perfect. And in answer to your question, I spend at least an hour a day washing it. It takes effort to keep this level of texture!_

_Bifur said that your knife work is improving, and suggests using bolder strokes. He said that there’s a hesitancy in your work that you can work on improving. I hope that helps._

_I am not at all offended that you’ve chosen to keep our friendship secret. I confess that I would do the same in your position. Sometimes, I wish that I could keep this between us, but of course my bandmates all know you and won’t shut up. Still, they’re far more occupied tormenting Tauriel these days since she’s close by._

_Good luck with the new school year!_

_Fili_

__*_ _

__**Press Release: Erebor’s Comeback** _ _

__**Bilbo Baggins, Middle Earth Music** _ _

__**The band Erebor will be releasing their comeback album, _Five Armies_ , at the end of 2017.** _ _

__**“We are very excited to be back on the music scene,” said lead singer Thorin Oakenshield. “It’s been a long time, but we’re ready to come back and rock your world again.”** _ _

__**The album will contain mostly new music, with some re-arrangements of some old favorites, including “Misty Mountains Cold,” which will feature the talents of Durin’s Sons, Princes of Mirkwood, Thranduil Greenleaf, and Galadriel Lorien, all of whom have agreed to return from vacation to record the song.** _ _

__**“After 30 years away, we hope we’ve still got it,” said drummer Dwalin Fundin. “Guess we’ll have to wait and see.”** _ _

__*_ _

__“I think the boys have had a bit of an influence on you,” Balin commented, looking over the sheet music Thorin had just passed him._ _

__Thorin shrugged. “Or I had an influence over them,” he said. “Not all of this is new, you know.”_ _

__“I know,” Balin said. “I’ve heard a lot of it before. It just sounds a lot more like Durin’s Sons than Erebor sometimes.”_ _

__“Well, then,” Thorin said. “We’ll have to make it sound a bit more like Erebor.”_ _

__“Nothing wrong with sounding like Durin’s Sons,” Dwalin said. “I mean, they aren’t a bad band. Seem to be doing okay for themselves.”_ _

__“Yeah, but can a bunch of dirty old men really pull off the cocky pretty boys thing?” Balin asked with a smirk._ _

__“Watch who you’re calling old,” Dwalin snapped._ _

__“And I have it on good authority that I am still very pretty,” Thorin said._ _

__They all looked at each other for a moment before all three started laughing uproariously._ _

__*_ _

__**The Last Will and Testament of Drogo Baggins** _ _

__**In the event of my death, all of my possessions will pass to my wife, Primula, and after her to our son Frodo.** _ _

__**In case of my death and that of my wife before Frodo comes of age, he will be looked after by my cousin and his godfather, Bilbo Baggins, who will also act as the executor of my estate.** _ _

__*_ _

__The phone buzzed in Bilbo’s hand and he picked up at once, a bit confused at the unfamiliar number. “Bilbo Baggins,” he said._ _

__“Mr. Baggins?” came an unfamiliar voice. “This is Bell Gamgee...your cousin Drogo’s neighbor.”_ _

__Bilbo’s brow creased. “How can I help you, Mrs. Gamgee?” he asked. He wasn’t sure why Drogo’s neighbor was calling him. He was listed as an emergency contact on Frodo’s school forms, but this woman wasn’t from the school and surely she knew how to reach Drogo or Primula._ _

__“Mr. Baggins, I’ve got little Frodo here…I was babysitting when the news came…”_ _

__“What news?” Bilbo asked. “Sorry, I’m a bit occupied at work.”_ _

__There was an intake of breath. “Mr. Baggins, Drogo and Primula were killed this morning in a fishing accident.”_ _

__The phone fell from Bilbo’s hand. He stared at it for a moment. Dead? No, that was impossible…_ _

__“Mr. Baggins?” He could still hear her through the phone. He fumbled to pick it up._ _

__“Yes…yes, sorry,” he said. “I…I’ll be there to pick him up in an hour. Sorry, city traffic and all…”_ _

__“I understand,” Mrs. Gamgee said. “I’ll have him ready…I’m so sorry.”_ _

__“Thank you,” Bilbo said. He got the address and hung up the phone._ _

__He took several deep breaths. Frodo was six years old and must be so, so upset…and Bilbo was good with children, but his apartment wasn’t exactly set up for one…_ _

__He picked up the phone again and scrolled through his contacts. The phone rang a few times before it was picked up._ _

__“Yes?”_ _

__“Dis?” Bilbo said. “There’s…there’s a new addition to the family…and I’m going to need your help.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end of this story! Thank you all for reading!
> 
> But in case you hadn't seen yet, we have started writing two new prequels for this verse: "Scrapbook," about when the boys are little kids, and "Guardian" about Bifur's injury. You can check them out on the series page!


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